It's Not Where You Start It's Where you Finish

It's not where you start, it's where you finish
It's not how you go, it's how you land
A hundred to one shot, you call him a clutz
Can out run the favorite, all he needs is the guts
Your final return will not diminish
And you can be the cream of the crop
It's not where you start, it's where you finish
And you're gonna finish on top


If you start at the top, you're certain to drop
You've got to watch your timing, better begin by climbing
Up, up, up the ladder
If you're going to last, you can't make it fast, man
Nobody starts a winner, give me a slow beginner
Easy does it my friend, conserve your fine endurance
Easy does it my friend, for that's your life insurance
While you are young, take it rung after rung after rung after rung after rung after rung after rung after rung


It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
It's not how you go, it's how you land
A hundred to one shot, you call him a clutz
Can out run the favorite, all he needs is the guts
Your final return will not diminish
And you can be the cream of the crop
It's not where you start, it's where you finish
And you're gonna finish on top!

As I was into a downhill during my 3.9 run today in 14 degree weather this song came to mind. When I searched on You Tube for the song, I was delighted to find one by Barbara Cook. My first Broadway show I ever saw was "She Loves Me" starring Barbara Cook. One of my friends on Facebook talked about calling the Nostalgia Police when we were talking about The Enchanted Village here in Boston. I guess the holidays bring out a sense of nostalgia - especially after having lunch with my brother yesterday. How wonderful to resurrect happy memories and to bring forward the joy of music which was a part of our family culture but boy did I digress or what?

I was mentally ready to embrace the cold today but I was not prepared for what my body would feel like at the beginning of the run. Despite having wonderful cold weather gear, my legs felt like two popsicles. I told myself there is no such thing as a garbage run - just be so incredibly grateful you are out here and able to do this. I knew that I was going to do the route my husband and I did on Sunday minus the little detour which brought us to 4.5 miles. I had no expectation of time. This was a run to acclimate myself to the coldest running day yet for me.

As I chugged up the hill in front of Boston College, the initials DNF came to mind (did not finish) but I heard my dear friend Doug Welch's voice ring in my ears "Strong Work Mary" and I knew I couldn't quit. My mind was wondering how I could cut the run short but I said to myself just clear all of that out of there. I had done 13.2 miles on the bicycle on Tuesday and lower body strength training yesterday and rather than look at why I couldn't do this, or hearing the voices of the docs telling me why I shouldn't run, I focused on feeling a surge of strength from deep within me. I knew this was one of those just finish training runs.

When I got to the top of the hill I felt an incredible sense of victory. As I turned the corner there was a little uphill but I knew the downhill on Commonwealth Avenue was right around the bend. I found a wonderful steady pace and the wind had stopped and the black head warmer was absorbing the sun. I couldn't feel my butt anymore but amazingly enough my feet were warm. My core was very warm and I could feel myself sweating. I had forgotten the delightful paradox of running in winter. It's cold as all get out but the body is sweating.

Part of me wanted to look at my watch and make sure I was doing a sub 15 minute pace. Why? I have no idea but suddenly I felt as though I wanted to add an extra dimension to the run. I went from feeling as though I couldn't do this to wanting to beat the clock. I decided to let go of either extreme and just enjoy the day. I focused on the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the reservoir and felt gratitude surge through every cell in my body. There was another hill to face heading toward home. I remembered that I am going to do a 10K the day after Christmas which is going to have hills. As Nike says, "Just Do It!" and so I did. I was never so happy to see my beautiful street and as I charged toward my house I thought once again, It's not where you start it's where you finish. And I did finish. My husband calculated the distance for me and it was 3.9 miles which I ran in 56:51 - a sub 15 minute mile pace (14:48 to be exact) despite feeling so frozen and sluggish as I ran. My average heart rate was 149 with a peak of 186. Bring on the Jingle Bell Run and the @OperationJack 10K.

Dear God - now that we know I can run in the extreme cold, could we please bring on some more moderate temperatures? Thank you very much.

God bless, be well and live like you were dyin'
With love from my heart to yours,
Mary

I Am NOT My Diagnosis - But I AM a Runner

Four years ago I sat in my office at the Department of Veterans Affairs so relieved that I finally had a diagnosis for what plagued me for at least ten years and so frightened about my future. My then travel agent Linda Mitchell who has become an incredibly dear friend through the years and who I blogged about in Unfinished Business was helping me get through my final days at work before I left for a Bermuda vacation. She would email me photos of Bermuda and they brought me respite from the incredible physical and emotional pain I was experiencing.

When we met in Bermuda in 2007, one of the things she said to me was, "Don't claim your diagnosis by using the word 'my' for 'my post polio doctor' or 'my diagnosis'." I was able to release the diagnosis as I trained for and ran the Boston Marathon but my lesson had not yet been learned and integrated. Last year I 'owned' the diagnosis again. Life is truly a journey not a destination. I needed to do more soul work. I talked a lot about living with post polio syndrome in my blog posts last year but at the same time was reworking and healing on a deeper level so that I was able to emerge from last winter healthier and stronger for having taken the time to regroup.

This morning during my morning meditation and for those of you who watched the Merrimack Valley Striders video the words "I am not my diagnosis" continue to echo through my being. Yesterday I was blessed to have lunch with my brother - an early birthday celebration. He gave me a gift certificate to Marathon Sports. I reflected on the miracle of us being together and of us being as healthy and whole as we are having come from a scene right out of Mad Men. He reinvented himself in his personal and career life at mid life. He is a spinning instructor. I am a marathoner and a runner. Huh, who knew? Our parents and our family culture was certainly not one of health and exercise. Smoking, drinking, overeating, a sedentary, chaotic lifestyle was the norm. Yet here we were talking about what we do to stay healthy as we enter our later years. He will be 60 next year.

My brother did ask me about post polio and my physical diagnoses. He gently asked me if the tremors were part of post polio. He doesn't read my blog so it's safe to say that yes, the tremors are due in part to post polio but they are also due in large part to the beatings I experienced. As I talked about post polio and cervical spine disease I felt a detachment from the words. They describe what happened in my body but now I have slid across the rainbow and landed in a pot of gold of healing.

Every healing angel I have been sent has helped me to build on the work I have done before. I feel a comfort in my own body; I have shed feelings of shame and humiliation and the need to make apologies for myself. When I chose to do my recumbent bike instead of run out in the cold, I could focus on wow - I did 13.2 miles on my recumbent bike instead of - I should have gone on a run. Last night I used the gift certificate to Marathon Sports to get some heavy duty cold weather running gear. It was such fun to go on a shopping spree for me! I have more energy to enjoy life.

My heart aches for polio survivors who remain embittered and angry. I see posts on Facebook with the End Polio Now campaign from polio survivors who have not found the blessing wrapped inside the gift of polio and post polio syndrome. I had to leave the Polio Today forum because there was such rancor, discontent and a sense of victimization at what polio had done to destroy their lives and quality of life. I was so blessed when I worked at the VA to see people who, despite incredible challenges were able to find beauty and love and light in life. I wake up every morning to a painting one of the veterans gave me. He had lost use of his body from the neck down but taught himself how to paint holding a paintbrush in his mouth. He was also legally blind yet created beautiful paintings from the memories in his mind's eye.

No matter what challenges life may bring, it becomes our challenge to find the grace, the beauty, the strength, the blessings wrapped inside the challenge; to learn our soul lessons and to be grateful for what we learn and then to take that challenge and use it for the highest good to make the world a better place for us having been here.

It's time for me to test out the cold weather gear and go on a run because well, I am not my diagnosis, but I am a runner!

To read more about my journey and to check out incredible Holiday Gift ideas, be sure to visit my website.

I love being a fund raiser and two of my champion causes right now are End Polio Now and Childrens Hospital Boston.

I donate 20% of book proceeds from my books of inspirational poetry to the End Polio Now campaign. If you would like to purchase a copy of the documentary "Keeping the Pace", for $10 send me an email at mary@newworldgreetings.com. 100% of the proceeds are donated to End Polio Now.

God bless, be well and live like you were dyin'
From my heart to yours with love,
Mary

Inspiration Station

I was invited to speak at the Merrimack Valley Striders Club as their inspirational speaker for their December meeting. On their web page they have a section titled, "Inspiration Station". I sent them the link to the Channel 7 News Story featuring my Boston Marathon Run and they posted it before I was scheduled to speak last Wednesday.I had the pleasure of meeting guest speaker Channel 7's Steve Cooper at the meeting. He was taken with my story and during his speech he said that the winners of the marathon are the winners but we love to cover the "Mary stories" because they are the heart and soul of the Boston Marathon. My husband recorded my speech and posted it on You Tube.

Why? We all have stories and when we share them we discover we are not alone. There is a common human experience. I love sharing my story to uplift and inspire others; to help lift others out of the muck and mire of every day life to see the world through my eyes. I had to overcome so many physical, emotional and spiritual challenges that when I use my story to touch the hearts of others, all of the pain becomes transformed. Others feel the sense of hope and possibility in their lives and they in turn are transformed.

The Greatest Love of All-Recap of a 5 Mile Run

Before I went on a 5 mile run this morning I read a post from Gail Martin who writes Gail Martin's Marathon Tips:
" There's a difference between having expectations to achieve, and setting realistic goals. Some days won't provide the right circumstances to reach certain goals--accept it, and try again. Disappointment accompanies unmet expectations--stealing the joy from what we love to do. It's always a process, but if you want to lessen the lows, let go of your expectations." As I posted to Gail, I felt as though God wanted me to read that before I went on my run.

It was a cold and windy morning. One of the goals I set forth on Daily Mile is to continue running sub 15 minute mile runs but my body is getting acclimated to running in cold weather again and I never know what this body is going to do on any given day. My wonderful running and life partner, Tom and beautiful daughter Ruth Anne, home from college were joining me on this run even though they are doing the Tough Ten Mile Turkey Trot tomorrow. As I started out I could feel my body reeling against the cold and the wind. I heard Gail's words echo and I said, what if I do a 15 min or even a 16 minute mile on this training run? You are beating the odds Mary. Remember what Doug and Ashley said, "every step is a victory". Look at the beautiful blue sky, hear the waves of the reservoir lap against the shore. Give thanks and settle into a rhythm with your body. Let the music in your iPod carry you along.

I let go of my expectations and I used this run to do some soul work. I reminded myself that I don't have to catch up to anyone anymore ever again. I get to run my own race. This feeling of needing to catch up is a feeling that is held not only in the soul but in the body as well.I let myself experience the feelings of laying on the couch and being abandoned and rejected by my mother when I was paralyzed from polio. I celebrated my awesomeness and thought about all the reasons why I am awesome. I released the feelings of abandonment, rejection, of losing love I never had and released the fear that I would lose the love of my wonderful friends and massage therapist. I released the feelings of having my father who once was loving and attentive while I was paralyzed with polio turn on me in such a violent way.

When we were half way around the reservoir on our final lap I talked with Tom about my brother who had called me yesterday. I felt this incredible wave of compassion and love come over me for both of us - for what we had lived through - for what we had survived and with that I broke out. I wasn't pushing myself and I wasn't trying to beat any time. I just wanted to run. I told Tom and Ruth Anne they could continue power walking as they are gonna do their thing tomorrow but I needed to just run.

I embraced the reality that I really am a runner (thanks Doug) but for now I am working on distances I can manage. I'm taking it slow and easy in the miles department and I'm getting used to feeling this new way in my earthly home. I ran a 14:11 minute mile for 5 miles. My average heart rate held steady at 152 with a peak of 175. I know I am getting more fit, stronger and every day in every way I am better and better.

I am experiencing the greatest love of all - right inside of me. I am re-educating the child within who was abandoned, neglected and abused to feel love and joy; to discover the awesomeness and the beauty. I learned to depend on me and have often said that my childhood was a do it yourself job but I was never alone. God was/is always with me. I am blessed and grateful beyond words to all of you - my readers, the running community, and Lady Linda who saw the beauty I possessed inside - thank you to all who have embraced me and my journey.

As the holiday season approaches, we have so many exciting Holiday Gifts which give while you give.

God bless, be well and live like you were dyin'
From my heart to yours with love and gratitude,
Mary