Tuesday, February 28, 2012
On The Wings of Love
On March 2nd 1977, I greeted my blind date at the door of my apartment at 75 Gardner Street in Allston holding my newly adopted kitten Jacques. I had no idea that 35 years later we would be celebrating his 60th birthday together this Friday. We did know that night we were going to be married. March 4th 1978 we gathered with a small group of family and friends at the First United Parish in Cambridge and exchanged vows and rings. We were planning to have our reception on the Peter Stuyvesant which was a boat moored next to Anthony's Pier Four but it sunk a month earlier in the blizzard of 1978.
Even then, although we could not quite articulate what we were doing, we paid attention to the signs from the Universe and decided that we would move our reception to the church and save the money. Somehow among our moves, our wedding photo album was lost as was my wedding dress. Our apartment was broken into when we lived in Allston and believe it or not, the thief stole the pants to the suit my husband wore on our wedding day. My bridal shower was scheduled for February 6 - the day of the blizzard and had to be rescheduled. I say with a huge smile that I love the metaphor of Tom and I needing to weather a major storm as we were preparing to enter into marriage. We do not have any 'tangible' reminders of our wedding day. We do have our wedding bands and most important of all, we have a steadfast love that has helped us to weather many storms during our 34 years of marriage. We have also celebrated many triumphs and felt the deepest joy in finding our way in the world together.
Until recently in my healing journey, I would cling to things I never had. I did not have a fairy tale princess wedding. I never felt like a princess or someone special. I did not have a carefree childhood. I suffered in my pain of trauma because I did not know any other path. I do grieve but I do not suffer. I celebrate. I feel incredible gratitude and grace in my life. I live life with passion and purpose. I embrace and release the pain in my body. I breathe freely and deeply. I move with joy on and off my yoga mat. My body is discovering a resilience in managing stressful life events and the beauty and grace is I have an incredible life partner with whom to share it all.
A year ago, March 4th, my nephew took his life. It was a traumatic death and shook our family to its core. Tom and I brought our love and compassion to my brother and his family but unfortunately, their pain was too deep to allow us in. Rather than being able to connect, bond and grieve together, we were seen as outsiders among my nieces and nephews. They wanted us to take care of my brother after he ended a relationship with his girlfriend. It was a huge healing choice on our part to say no, We can't do this. Tom has been there every step of the way to support me, nurse and nourish me through my fears and sadness and to breathe deeply creating a loving space around the life we created together.
Yesterday, I received an email that was sent out to everyone who donated to my nephew's memorial fund to have a memorial bench set up by the ocean. My nephew was a fisherman who loved the sea. That is where he chose to return when he ended his life. My brother attached a you tube video of the bench installation.
I sent out loving thoughts to my brother and his family on the wings of love during this time of remembrance. It would be easy to be swallowed up by the pain of grief. I can experience a flow to the feelings allowing them to wash up on the shore and then go out with the tide. Tom sat and watched the video with me and together we sent our love to my brother and his family. We can only heal ourselves. When we take care of ourselves and find loving kindness and compassion, we can feel that in our heart. I am so blessed to have Tom as my life partner. I know I would not be where I am today in my healing journey were it not for his unwavering support and love. The eyes are the window to the soul and that night 35 years ago on Friday, we saw into each other's souls knowing we were soul mates. It's been an incredible 34 years and we've only just begun. We know that no matter what happens, together, we find steadiness and sustenance and on the wings of love, we transcend.
Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to the love of my life
From my heart to yours
With deepest love and gratitude