Monday, August 31, 2009

The First Day of School

Today is September 1st and fall is in the air. It's ironic that fall is a time of new beginnings - the start of a new school year, the start of a new season, the start of a New Year in the Jewish tradition. I was reflecting --

What if I lived every day as though it were the first day of school?
Eager anticipation, trepidation, confident I can meet the challenge.
The sound of the bell drowns out the voices from the past.
I'm part of the cool crowd now - a Divine Child of God.
Blank pages, unopened texts - so much to learn and explore
Wonderful opportunities and adventures
I am student and teacher.
I create my day -
stillness, raucous recess, time to study, time to work
time alone, time with friends, reading, writing.
I choose where to focus my attention
Disciplined and free
Hearing the Voice of the Divine Teacher.


I received the results of the MRI of my cervical spine. I am so grateful that there is 'nothing serious' (in the words of my master magician physician) going on and we are going to do another trigger injection along with a course of physical therapy. There are degenerative changes, arthritis, and other incidental findings which may need an additional work up for the swallowing issues I experience. I am hopeful that with the trigger injection and reducing the inflammation, the swallowing symptoms will improve. I am also eager to have another course of physical therapy to relieve the muscle spasms and pain. It is new for me to reach out and ask for support and love when I am not able to satisfy what I believe is the expectation of another person. It is new for me to be authentic, honest, open and vulnerable and true to myself. I email'ed my personal trainer, Janine Hightower of www.bostonhomebodies.com to let her know we have to cancel our appointment for a reassessment of my fitness and develop the next phase of my fitness plan. She responded with a marvelous quote: "Fitness is not about being 100% all the time and the people who have lifelong fitness are those who can maintain a program through the changes our bodies inevitably go through...we'll get through this too!"

Every day can be like the beginning of a new school year. What am I going to write on that first page of my blank composition book? How am I going to create my day? How will I choose to respond to life's tests? I am reminded how training for the Boston Marathon is like running the marathon in life. There can be pain, needing to push a little farther than I thought I ever could and the need to know when it is time to rest, refuel and recoup. There are days I don't know how I'm ever gonna make it through that training run and there are days when I feel I could run forever. I can choose to be in the victim role or I can choose to harness all of my strength, faith, grit and determination and loving support of people around me to meet the challenges with grace and faith. I can retreat and contract into a state of fear, immobilization and isolation or I can choose to focus on gratitude and affirmations expanding my heart and spirit into a state of joy, trust and love. I can feel the love of God evident in the physical world around me and through the love of people in my life embrace and surround me. The love of God provides me with healing and renewal of mind, body and spirit. So I am putting on my new first day of school outfit, sharpening my pencils, feeling all the excitement and joy that new beginnings bring and approaching each day with hope, eager anticipation, desire to grow and learn and with the sure knowledge that with God I have the confidence to live as my divine, authentic self moving confidently in the direction of my dreams.

Be sure to check out the wonderful piece done by 7 News Health Cast which aired on 8/6 and the piece produced by BU Today

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create an original poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

Be sure to check out the News and Events tab to see where I will share my journey and gift of poetry this fall!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wouldn't it be nice if changing thoughts were as easy as changing our clothes?

I don't know about you but when I put on an outfit that doesn't feel right for the day, I take it off and put another outfit. I always express my gratitude for the clothes that I have and always manage to find something in my closet that feels right for the occasion. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am far from a fashionista but I do pride myself on making a good appearance. So what about if, when our thoughts go down that dark and dreary path of fear, doubt, worry, anger, jealousy, or just feeling down in the dumps, we took a good long hard look in the mirror to see what we are wearing. Rather than tearing down those thoughts with a sense of disgust, what about if we just gently and lovingly examined those feelings and then, when we are ready, change those thoughts to gratitude, joy, appreciation, love, sense of wonder and feeling wonderful about who we are--as easily as changing the clothes which do not feel right.

Yesterday I was blessed to hear Mike Robbins on
Its All About You The topic was authenticity and the title of Mike's book is "Be Yourself, Everybody Else is Already Taken". Mike talked about how important it is to allow ourselves to live fully and to experience every human emotion - the good, the bad and the ugly only he emphasized the fact that it is important to not judge our emotions and label some emotions good and some emotions bad. Fear is one of those emotions that we tend to label as bad. I love many teachings that The Secret has to offer and believe in the law of attraction but I realized that I was torturing myself when I felt fear. Never mind that it was uncomfortable to feel the fear but then I would become afraid of the fear, fearing I would manifest what I was fearing.

Mike reframed fear and if you listen to the show's archive you can hear how he talked not only about fear but the entire range of human emotions and what it means to be our authentic selves. I had an incredible aha moment during the show as I realized that I need to embrace and examine and understand my fears. It is counter intuitive to embrace fear for it seems that I am embracing the very dangers that fear represents but I realized how important it is to separate the feeling of fear which is an internal reaction from the external events which may trigger the fear. Bernie Siegel, MD in his new book Faith Hope and Healing talks about facing the monsters in our closet so they can no longer have power over us.

I had a dream the other night in which I was in a church with candles lit everywhere. I had to climb this huge ladder which was made out of pine wood. In my waking life I am terrified to climb stairs where you can see through to the ground - you know the kind - with open slats. In this dream the rungs of the ladder were thin and when I reached the pinnacle there was only a thin triangle at the top which I had to climb over. I thought to myself that there is no way this structure can support me and everything is going to collapse. But I decided that I had no choice but to climb down and trust. And so step by step, creaky pine by creaky pine rung I made it to the ground. And when I did there was a group of people there to celebrate communion with me. The communion 'wafer' was a piece of a chocolate brownie that just melted in my mouth. Last night I had a dream that I went into a sports shop where they also sold the lottery. I asked the clerk if he were going to auction off any of the sports memorabilia. He said no and I was going to buy a scratch ticket when one of the sales people shook his head no. I then turned to the lead store clerk and said, 'my prayers are always answered even if the answer is not what I expected. Hail Mary full of grace.'

Scripture talks about putting on new clothes in Christ. Life is going to test us, challenge us, present us with events which evoke fear and uncertainty. When we wrap ourselves in the cloak of faith and know deep in our souls that no matter what happens, the Power within us from the Source of the Ever Living God is far greater than any events in the outer world. Wouldn't it be nice if changing thoughts from fear, doubt, worry, anger, jealousy were as easy as changing our clothes -- it can be if we embrace our thoughts, respond with love and compassion and put on new clothes in Christ.

Transform Fear

When things don't 'go your way' and you feel a sense of lack
You might get the feeling God stabbed me in the back.

Your nose pressed to a pane of glass, afraid to live your life
Feeling overwhelmed by guilt, and frightened by your strife.

You look to God and shake your first, "Why do You do this to me?"
"I live in fear and do what's right, why can't You let me be?"

But this is not the way it is - our Creator's filled with love
And God lives deep within you-not a being from above.
God wants you to be filled with joy-your life to be so free
Release the shackles of your past, discover who to be.

The veil of life is drawn away with angels' loving dance
Inviting you to join them, why don't you take a chance?
Believe you are so wonderful - a creative work of art
Chiseled in God's likeness - you're a gift straight from God's heart.
From "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World"

Be sure to check out the wonderful piece done by 7 News Health Cast which aired on 8/6 and the piece produced by BU Today

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create an original poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

Be sure to check out the News and Events tab to see where I will share my journey and gift of poetry this fall!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Vampire Struck Again!

There is a marvelous phrase in the post polio community coined by Dr. Richard Bruno about vampire bait no more. As polio survivors we learned to become people pleasers in an attempt to feel whole and worthy. It is difficult to say no and a challenge to not take on other people's problems believing in our own omnipotence and need to control. We can, in fact, become vampire bait and allow others to suck on our life's energy derailing us from our own hopes, dreams, desires and ability to take good care of ourselves.

As I was reflecting on the dream I had (see "Dancing with Faith" post) I realized that not only was it about being injected with the venomous beliefs of the past, but allowing people in the present to bite me just as a vampire does. The exact spot on my neck where I am experiencing pain is where a vampire would bite. The image of me walking half alive and half dead is what happens when a vampire takes over - all power is surrendered and the only way to survive is to then drain others of their life's energy. However, my dream ends with me seeking the anti-venom and once I am centered in God, no one can have power over me. I create my own fabulous life centered in God's love and the belief in light, love, joy, abundance, wholeness, healing, prosperity, fulfillment and living my highest purpose.

Today I went for an MRI to find out if the cervical spine condition has worsened or if it is stable and I just need another injection to bring down the inflammation. I realize that I need to work with Western medicine to bring about the best possible outcome. I also need to be incredibly kind to myself understanding why this area is vulnerable, using visualization, meditation and prayer to bring healing to this spot and to allow my 'master magician' (God and Dr. ElAbd) to help me with healing. I also realize there are steps I need to take to put distance between myself and others' drama. I can be loving and supportive but it is crucial that I protect myself from being bitten by the fangs of the drama vampire. While I cannot rescue another, I can surround them with loving prayers. If I am feeling resentment about what 'they are doing to me' (and in fact it is not they who are doing something but how I allow their behaviors to affect me) then I am not free to love them and to express my gratitude that they are giving me the opportunity to grow. I am grateful for the challenge they present in my life because it allows me to shed the beliefs which no longer serve me and to choose a higher path for myself. It is a blessing to move from vampire victim to fullness of life.


The MRI

Pounding, clanging lying still
Eyes closed and shallow breath
A time to move toward light with God
or fear impending death?
Ego wants to win the flight
Panic GET ME OUT!
Spirit knows let go, let God
Release all fear and doubt.
Transcend the tube all limits gone
The Spirit flying free
Beyond all wild imaginings, the best is yet to be.


Be sure to check out the wonderful piece done by 7 News Health Cast which aired on 8/6 and the piece produced by BU Today

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

Be sure to check out the News and Events tab to see where I will share my journey and gift of poetry this fall!

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create an original poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Dancing with Faith!

Last night I had a dream. There was a fish that was on my neck and before I knew what happened it turned slimy and black. When I pulled it away there was a huge welt and I knew that it had injected me with a poison. I walked around looking for the anti-venom serum and while I did I felt myself feeling half alive and half dead but I was completely at peace with myself.

I know that our dreams can hold the key to unlock what we struggle with that is not quite clear during the day. I came to the realization that I still allow the beliefs and the actions of my family to poison me with fear, doubt, and feelings of unworthiness. When I allow these beliefs to dominate and live in 'reaction' to the mistreatment I experienced at their hands, I am only half alive. The anti-venom serum is as close as my beating heart - it comes from God's love and is the most powerful healing force in the world. By immersing myself in God's love I am able to transform the cellular memories embedded in my body to live a life of joy and freedom and to dance with the Spirit rather than dance with fear. By allowing my heart to forgive them for they knew not what they did and for knowing that God's love flows through me, I heal on a deeper level.

The fact that the fish was on my neck also told me that it is time to take care of my cervical spine again. During the work up for post polio syndrome, I had an MRI which revealed a narrowing of one part of my cervical spine. The disc presses on a nerve. I have had several trigger injections by a 'master magician' as I like to call him and have gone for over a year without needing an injection. These past few months I have been experiencing the pain and a resurgence of symptoms. My energy healer noticed a tightness in my back and yesterday, my personal trainer noticed that I was compensating for the pain. It was time to call for another appointment. The first available appointment was 9/4 but within an hour, the office called me with an appointment for today at 4:30. There was a cancellation. While I am all for healing the mind and healing the body, there are times when it's time to call on Western medicine to take care of the body. I am excited that I had this dream which confirms that I need to get intervention to heal my cervical spine while I continue to look at why this part of my body is so vulnerable and also use every modality available to alleviate pain and maximize functioning.

Today is my day for interval training on the recumbent bike. When I woke up this morning I was feeling fatigued and in pain and wondering how I was ever going to do this. After processing the dream in my journal, reading the Daily Word and allowing God's energy to flow through me, on the bike I went and during the intense intervals I felt myself releasing the toxins from the past. I told myself how much I loved myself and how working out is wonderful for my heart. I managed to do 9 intervals and was drenched with sweat when it was all over. I felt a feeling of well being which follows a good work out.

Today on Twitter, God spoke to me through two tweets. One was about Superman and the tweet said "a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength 2 persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles". I am Superman! The other tweet came from Channel 5 News in Boston about research that shows that exercise/strength training actually helps cancer survivors whereas medical advice was to 'baby' the arm affected by swelling and pain. That got me thinking....someone needs to do research about the effects of exercise on post polio syndrome. There's a lot of research that needs to be done on post polio syndrome -- so much we don't understand and need to learn but one thing I do know is this - the power of belief and faith can carry me through!

Dancing with Faith

Dancing in the shadows, my partner's name was fear
With phone calls and with mail calls
Disaster looming near.
Shackled to my partner somber music droning on
Expecting only problems belief and faith were gone.
The sliver of a light beam pierced the once dark room
Beckoned me to follow - release the doom and gloom.
The beam of light on shackles, melted every lock away
Fear stood stunned, immobile - not knowing what to say.
Cascade of sun now bathed me - new partner dressed in white
Hand outstretched to join Her - with Love and light in sight.
Dance from deep within my Spirit - joyous movements gliding free
With God now as my partner - grace of God enfolding me.


Be sure to check out the wonderful piece done by 7 News Health Cast which aired on 8/6.

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create a customized poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Confessions of a Type A Personality

My name is Mary McManus and I am a Type A personality. It was 'sobering' to hear Dr. Darren Rosenberg of the Spaulding Rehab International Rehab Center for Polio comment on polio survivors as Type A personalities in the BU Today feature on my Boston Marathon Run. It was time for me to take another look at how I was still driving myself. I was not giving myself permission to be retired from full time work; I wasn't allowing myself time to be in the ebb and flow and be in a state of grace and gratitude. I had slipped back into a pattern of fear, and the need to control. I was fighting post polio syndrome and I know that when I fight any disease, I can't win.

As I reflected on articles written about my Boston Marathon run, words such as defiant run, fighting back were used. In truth, I was running as a mobility impaired runner to raise awareness and money for post polio syndrome and Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I'm sure that on some level I was sending a vibrational signal about fighting back. I was 'going against medical advice' but I was not going against what my Spirit and body was telling me to do.

So what led me to put back on my boxing gloves and shadow box with myself again? What demons were I fighting and what voices were leading me down the path of unworthiness again? And how did I return to a place of letting go and surrender?

For 25 year I was a social worker. I worked since I was 14 years old - how dare a disease rob me of my ability to work full time. I 'failed' at eliminating the disease from my body. Voices played as I waited to hear about when a Channel 7 Healthcast piece was going to air "we don't want to air your story - it's crap." And I realized that the origins of that voice came from "We don't want you on our team"; "I don't want you as my child" - the message - you are deformed and worthless. And so, enter the Type A personality of feeling the need to prove myself, my worth, my significance.

But the power of God's love mutes those voices -- God says, "You are my beloved; You have chosen a courageous path. Look at how you chose to face the crisis of post polio syndrome in your life. Your worthiness is not dependent on when or if anything happens and is not dependent on 'being' anything other than the magnificent person you are. Follow your heart and live your life being who you truly are and celebrating your wonderfulness. Share your gifts of poetry, love, joy, inspiration and light with the world and let your candle shining brightly be a beacon to light the way for others."

And as I cried healing tears dissolving my ego into a puddle, the tears water the garden of my soul to help me grow.

Post Polio Syndrome
Post polio you robbed me of everything I knew
But not living an authentic life to mine own self so untrue.
Post polio you frightened me - not knowing what was wrong
The days were wracked with pain, short breath
The nights dragged on so long.
Post polio the beckoning walk through the open door
Despite a brace and wheelchair, self hatred lives no more.
Post polio the blessing - my true self I now find
Unearth the buried treasure - release the ties that bind.
Post polio it's time to heal the wounds deep in my soul
Post polio the gift, the grace, the path to being whole.
Post polio I'm peaceful as I live my life with you
No matter what the challenges, love always sees me through.

Be sure to check out the wonderful piece done by Channel 7 Health Cast which aired on 8/6.

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create a customized poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

To enter a chance to win a copy of my book of inspirational poetry, make a donation to www.runovertoellen's for Guide Dogs for the Blind.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

There is No Problem Too Big for God!

Growing up in a home with an alcoholic father and a mother addicted to prescription painkillers, I lived in a climate of fear, and mistrust. I became an outstanding detective, developed incredible skills of self reliance and was a control freak. While these traits and behaviors got me through 18+ years of living in and being involved with a chaotic environment, these traits no longer serve me. Today as I was buying tickets on line for an event, my credit card was declined. My instant reaction - fear -- solar plexus clutch -- somehow there were unexplained charges on my card and I went over my credit limit or someone had gotten a hold of my card and wreaked havoc with 'my credit'. I chose another card to make the purchase and then called customer service.

Do you know what happened? I entered the wrong expiration date for the card and that's the reason it got declined. I began to reflect on my instantaneous fear reaction and assuming that something is wrong that I need to fix or worse - there is impending doom. A miraculous shift began to occur as I realized - there is no problem too big for God. No matter what may be 'wrong', with God there is always a solution to be found and a blessing wrapped in the challenge. I waste so much energy in my fear reaction and imagining the worst; I do love and honor myself knowing that these shackles I put on myself come from living in an environment where there was incredible chaos. These shackles weigh me down and no longer serve a purpose and so it is time to...


Shake off shackles let Spirit shine
Release my self let in Divine.
There's no harm and there's no doubt
God turns troubles inside out.
On the edge pull back from fear
God's protection always near.
Call for help feel love surround
Let gratitude and joy abound.

To purchase a copy of my book, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" overflowing with love, healing, grace and whimsy and which helps me and others to experience healing and inspiration, visit www.newworldgreetings.com I generously donate 20% of the proceeds to Spaulding Rehab's Polio Fund.

And while you're there, visit my sumptuous samples of customized poetry. Enter a new world of greeting cards and celebrate, commemorate and allow me to create a customized poem for that special someone and that special occasion.

To enter a chance to win a copy of my book of inspirational poetry, make a donation to www.runovertoellen's for Guide Dogs for the Blind.

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