There is no like button in real life

The other day on Facebook I came across this article, "I Quit Liking Things On Facebook for Two Weeks. Here’s How It Changed My View of Humanity."



I was curious. It gave me pause. I wasn't all that concerned about my feed or ads on my page. I know that somehow I see what I am meant to see on Facebook and I ignore ads.

But I do know that I had a habit of hitting the like button sometimes without giving it too much thought. And since I am a truth teller, sometimes I would click like before reading the link, opening it up in a new window and reading it later.

We all tend to be so wired these days and have a tendency to not really pay attention to what we are doing. We are creatures of habit and are comfortable experiencing our habitual, default reactions to people and to life.

There was the NY Times Article, "No Time to Think," about a study conducted where people would rather receive an electric shock than be alone with their thoughts.

It's easy to be a speed demon scrolling through Facebook hitting the "like" button letting the feed whiz by. We can also be speed demons in our lives not taking the time we need to slow down, pay attention and interact with the people who mean the most to us.

Facebook is a wonderful way for me to stay in touch with my friends and to share in each other's lives. We hold each other's hands in cyberspace when someone is hurting. We celebrate each other's triumphs, births, weddings, PR's, firsts ....

When I sit with my friends over lunch or a cup of coffee and they say something to me, or show me a photo, I don't just hit a like button. I interact with them.

And so for the next two weeks, I am going to pause before I hit a like button and instead will make a comment. I began my experiment yesterday and I must say I am like'ing it.

Tara Brach talks about the Sacred Pause, that moment when we have the opportunity to become aware and awake. She quotes Victor Frankl:




I plan to pause and collect my thoughts and write a comment rather than only hitting the like button and moving on. I'll see if I go back to using the like button after my two week experiment is up. I know sometimes it's fun to see ooh how many people like'd my photo. We are all after all, only human. But I do know this. If I do decide to go back to using the like button, I will be sure to also add a comment.

After all, there is no like button in real life.





"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Your Moment of Zen

Jon Stewart's signature closing for The Daily Show was "Here's your moment of Zen."

Tom and I will often share insights we've had from our morning meditations and we'll say, "Ooh that's our moment of Zen for the day."

I thought I would share with you some of my favorite moments of Zen I've collected during the past year.

"Do not doubt your own basic goodness. In spite of all confusion and fear, you are born with a heart that knows what is just, loving, and beautiful." ~Jack Kornfield

How often do we look at the "mess" and forget about the intention!



Understanding our anger and bringing compassion to all of our emotions is so important:



And when it comes to fear:




"May we see beyond the surface waves, may we cherish the sacred in all beings…may we find our way to peace." ~Tara Brach

Two of my own:

Out of our deepest wounds we find our greatest strength, our most beautiful treasures and the knowledge that love is far greater and more powerful than any experience we endure.

Trust your gut. Listen to your intuition and to your heart. They will not lead you astray. And then take a deep breath and exhale letting everything go.


And in closing:


and the gift of presence and peace:
Presence

Presents
gifts of awakening and awareness
come in the oddest of boxes
illness
old age
death
presence always presenting
opportunities
for transformation
the physical body
an illusion really
yet necessary
if we are to experience the fullness of life
the journey is the destination
being present
receiving all the gifts that presence presents
unwrap the gift of peace.




"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.



"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Peace and the Practice of RAIN

"I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace." ~Helen Keller

In True Refuge, Tara Brach talks about RAIN:
About twelve years ago, a number of Buddhist teachers began to share a new mindfulness tool that offers in-the-trenches support for working with intense and difficult emotions. Called RAIN (an acronym for the four steps of the process), it can be accessed in almost any place or situation. It directs our attention in a clear, systematic way that cuts through confusion and stress. The steps give us somewhere to turn in a painful moment, and as we call on them more regularly, they strengthen our capacity to come home to our deepest truth. Like the clear sky and clean air after a cooling rain, this mindfulness practice brings a new openness and calm to our daily lives.
Here are the four steps of RAIN presented in the way I’ve found most helpful:

R Recognize what is happening
A Allow life to be just as it is
I Investigate inner experience with kindness
N Non-Identification.

I know why it's called a practice. I heard Tara speak at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center in 2013 and began to practice RAIN. I struggled and stumbled and wrestled and fought with all that happened to me.

And then, through massage therapy sessions at Sollievo which incorporates Zero Balancing into the sessions, I allowed healing tears and RAIN to fall to bless and heal the wounds of paralytic polio and trauma.

I experience with clarity all that happened to me. I am no longer afraid of feeling the terror although after allowing the terror to surface during a recent session, as shared in my post A Conversation with My 5 Year Old Self, I can experience distance from the terror and cycle through periods of calm and contentment.

I can feel the wounds of violence, of neglect, of abandonment and I can accept all of what happened to me. The more I accept, the more they seem to change and heal.

There is a beauty, a strength and a power that what happened to me did not destroy me. I no longer identify with what happened to me. The events no longer define me. I no longer feel wretched and unworthy. I can allow skilled touch to help me heal. I deserve to heal and not only am I healing myself but I am healing others through my journey.

I realized that I no longer have to fight for my life and more than that I get to enjoy my life surrounded by wonderful friends and family.

During a meditation, I was able to discern how I was breathing with my central nervous system rather than my diaphragm. I'm sure the wiring got crossed when I contracted paralytic polio and the weakened breathing muscles were not given a chance to heal and recover because of the violence that followed 3 years after contracting polio.

With this recognition, I can explore ways to breathe using my diaphragm. I build cardiovascular strength through my running and Aquatics Therapy.

When I was first diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I used visualization to imagine that God was my Master Electrician. I imagined making new connections and repairing the faulty wiring of paralytic polio. In my massage sessions, I can feel my therapist's skilled hands nourishing, encouraging and healing those connections. It no longer matters that I was deprived of touch or experienced violence or inappropriate touch at the hands of family members.

What matters is the gift of now!

All that matters is now I have the opportunity to heal. There are moments of profound sadness and grief but far greater moments of joy, gratitude and feeling fully alive.

My running is stronger because my body is more balanced. I feel more grounded and I have new neuromuscular conditions in being able to articulate the use of different muscles I could not access before. Part of it was due to the process of dissociation as a result of the violence and part of it was a result of injury to my spinal cord. I have more energy but I am also mindful of when I need to rest. I'm much kinder with myself when I need to take a nap or ask my family to do chores.

I wanted to run the Finish at the 50 5K this year on July 3rd. I want to run another race with a medal. But I looked at our schedule and realized that another evening race with the risk of high heat and humidity is not a good idea for me right now. I am delighted to be back on the roads running races when it feels right for me.

I find peace in the tremors no longer feeling ashamed of them or feeling they are something that need to be changed. They are simply a part of my physicality for now.

After all of the violence, the abandonment, the neglect; seeing and experiencing the darkest side of humanity, I have found my way to people and places filled with light, love and a passion to live life as fully as we can. After all I have lived through, I am blessed with the gift of understanding that bringeth peace.



My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Be.Here.Now.

In yesterday's post, #Transformation Tuesday, I reflected on my 7 year healing odyssey and how my soul no longer feels restless. I feel contentment in my life for the first time since leaving my career as a VA social worker to heal my life.

One of my friends wrote on Facebook, "You are truly an inspiration, Mary. Please share with me how you can make your soul no longer restless. You are blessed - and we are blessed just knowing you."

I was deeply humbled by her words and replied with: "Thank you so much for your kind words. It just sort of happened over time as I became more and more aware of what was true for me and having the courage to make changes in what was comfortable for me even though it was not right for me. Meditation, journaling, returning to the running community, acceptance, practicing what Tara Brach calls "Attend and Befriend," Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab, and most recently I was blessed to find a wonderful therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork who incorporates Zero Balancing into our 90 minute sessions. Everything is working together for now."

Here are words of wisdom I pulled together for today's post:

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."- Groucho Marx

"Today is today and I'm glad it's today." - Dr. Fritz Frederick Smith, founder of Zero Balancing


I love how Fritz talks about the energy of gladness!



Last year, I was blessed to attend a talk and book signing by Tara Brach. I am savoring all the morsels in her book True Refuge.

This morning I found this wonderful Dharma Talk by Tara in which she talks about Attend and Befriend and the fear body:



"If we can slow down even just for a minute, we can shift from fight/flight to attend and befriend."

And in that "sacred pause" between response and reaction, the soul settles, we take a deep breath and we have the opportunity to Be.Here.Now.

Be Here Now (from the soon to be released poetry collection, "Journey Well")

Be here now and celebrate
no longer the victim
a survivor and thriver
filled with beauty
a life once torn and shattered
now a beautiful tapestry
woven together
no more rough edges
open heart
a voice that sings with strains of poetry
life no longer a strain or struggle
a new refrain
as energy flows
the river of life marks a new path
yet all is fleeting
not meant to be captured
but experienced
moments
shared in awe
wonder and mystery
comfort in this gift of presence
trusting all is well.

The Time Between

For all those who have trained for the 2014 Boston Marathon, it's called Taper Madness; the time after the last long run and Boston Marathon Monday. For those who have been part of support crew, like myself, it's called the time between. Fund raisers and water stops are done. There's no more hustle and bustle between now and Marathon Monday.

Ordinarily taper madness is a time that has used a lot of humor:



Just google Taper Madness and a whole host of articles come up in the search. I expressed the feelings of restlessness that prevail before the marathon in my blog from 4/18/2009: A Different Kind of Saturday.

But this year has a very different feel to Taper Madness. There is a restless energy throughout the city of Boston as we anticipate the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. There is also an air of excitement as Boston gets ready to run again. I have my friends' bib numbers uploaded into the AT & T Athlete Alert. We are planning out where we will be and logistics for race day given the new security regulations for spectators as well as runners.

I know that I am not alone when I say I just want race day to arrive and be over. I want leaves back on the trees and I want to go to the beach.

But I also know how precious this time between is. I notice the subtle changes that are happening within and around me. Last week I took this photo of the first crocuses poking through at Spaulding Rehab:



and here they are a week later:



I am riding the waves of emotions from sadness and heartbreak to delight that winter is over to excitement that we will celebrate Marathon Monday as a family cheering on our running family and every emotion that is part of being human. And I think about what Tara Brach teaches about being able to experience the vastness of our emotions.

"When we know we're the ocean, we are free to relate to the waves with respect, compassion and love."

I was inspired to write the poem The Time Between when we arrived at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center before hearing Tara Brach's Dharma Talk and book signing for True Refuge which I write about in my blog: Meeting Tara Brach and the Sacred Pause.

How are you spending the time between?

The Time Between from A Celebration of Life

Hidden from sidewalk’s view
I open unpainted gate
to enter the time between
a few brave grass blades poke through
is it Spring yet?

barely visible buds on tree
a chill in the air
contemplative walk
through garden’s gravel path

taking time
between each breath
a moment of death
an awakening to this precious gift
in every season

but what a gift
the time between.

Meeting Tara Brach - The "Sacred Pause"

I should not be surprised by the synchronicity that abounds in my life. In the opening pages of Priscilla Warner's book, "Learning to Breathe:My Yearlong Quest To Bring Calm To My Life", she mentions Tara Brach. I googled her about a year ago and began following her on Facebook and on her blog. I was astounded to learn that she has experienced debilitating illness in her life as she wrote in her blog "Letting Life Live Through Us," and most recently, "Happy For No Reason."

Tom recently joined the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center. He told me that Tara Brach was coming to speak but it was sold out. The next day he forwarded me an email that we could have audio only seats to hear her talk. I jumped right on it and registered us for the talk.

We arrived early (no surprise there for you who know me well) and were blessed to find a parking space in the lot behind the Center. As soon as I walked through the gate,



I felt tears streaming down my face. There was a beautiful sacred energy present in the garden. I felt the mysticism of the time between winter and Spring. There was a 45 minute sitting meditation before Tara's talk.

I am going to make you all laugh now. I, along with everyone else, was deep in meditation when my phone went off. I could have sworn that I had turned it off before meditation began but sometimes it doesn't 'take'. I jumped and said, "oh my God." I quickly turned it off and noticed that it was near the end of our meditation time but still.... I started to laugh thinking that here I am, my first time at the Center and they are going to toss me out. Tom started laughing because I was laughing but with deep breathing we returned to our meditative states.

After meditation we checked in for the talk. It was quite an experience to not have the visual of the speaker. It actually helped me to be more present in the moment focusing on what Tara was saying rather than having any visual distractions. She began by talking about resting in the fullness of who we are and intentionally opening our hearts to create an atmosphere of kindness and compassion for ourselves. She talked a lot about the trance of unworthiness and how we use deficiency as a filter for our relationships to ourselves and others. Fear gets in the way of giving ourselves wholeheartedly.

She then began our first of several short guided seated meditations with this poem:

Clearing
by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.

Tara talked with us about freedom and how, when we react, we are not free. Quoting Victor Frankl she said,

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

So in our next meditation we were to focus on a situation in our personal relationships in which we experienced irritation. She prepared us for the meditation by saying how our sickness is a homesickness - a longing to return to our Divine selves; the part of ourselves that is mystery and vastness. "When we come into form," she said, "we experience a separateness perception." She begged the question, "How do we forget the wildness of God that is in each one of us?"

As we went through the next two meditations, Tara focused on the sacred pause guiding us to tending and befriending. It was so easy for me to take notes and integrate what she was saying because I'd been reading her blog for over a year now. What a blessing to hear her speak the words so that they could really settle into my cells and my soul. She held a sacred space with her Divine, tender, compassionate Being.

Tara talked about the two wings of homecoming which she wrote about in her blog, "Unfolding Wings of Acceptance." What is happening and can I let it be....

All that I have been working on these past several months seemed to come together for me. I experienced a deep healing in my heart while feeling a flood of compassion and loving kindness flow through me. Tears streamed down my face during our meditation and I felt an incredible softening of my Being when once I experienced so much aversion to all that had happened to me. It's hard to believe that you can surrender to horrific circumstances but as Tara clarified last night -- You are not saying yes to the content of what happened - you are saying yes that it did happen. "The gift of recognizing and allowing are the wings of awakening," she tenderly and loving said to us. "Get that sense of the oceanness of your being and include the waves."

I had no idea that I would get to meet Tara after the talk but she was doing a book signing for True Refuge.



I introduced myself to her and told her how I came to learn about her work through Priscilla Warner. My voice broke as I said to her, "I had paralytic polio as a child. Six years ago I was in a wheelchair and your blog has been an incredible support to me on my healing journey." We locked eyes and her eyes filled with tears. She has the most incredible deep blue eyes and when I looked into them, I saw God and I felt God within myself. We were the mirror for each other's souls knowing each other without needing to say a word. It was indeed a sacred moment. I experienced the mystery and the vastness that she talked about earlier that evening.

She said using her hands for expression "But you look so amazing." I commented, "I have been so blessed with healing. In her talk she mentioned what a wondrous time this is... "We are coming up on the 100th monkey -- the critical mass of people becoming engaged in mindfulness practices." I am so blessed and grateful that I had the opportunity to share those sacred moments of mindfulness in the presence of the community at CIMC and with Tara Brach.