The Best Time

Sometimes I have the best time on a run and it doesn't matter what the time is on the clock. Sometimes I have had the best time on the clock but it's not always been my best run where I've had the best time.

Today I had the best time AND the best time!

Next Sunday I will take my place at the starting line of the inaugural Bill Rodgers 5K Run/Walk for Prostate Cancer. It's the 14th annual Prostate Cancer Walk now joined with the Bill Rodgers 5K.

I wrote about overcoming my pre race jitters in Present - Give Yourself the Gift of Peace.

One of the best ways I know to overcome pre race jitters is to get out on the course and run it. The course is the same course as the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon and Festival Weekend's 5K. Tom knew the course well and while I wasn't familiar with the specifics of the course, I'd run parts of the course many, many times during training runs.



The day was warm and rainy.

The course starts off with a downhill. I was running at a nice even pace. We came to the uphill on Comm Ave and I channeled my inner Boston Marathon finisher until we got to the corner of Beacon Street and Cleveland Circle at about mile 1 and change. I stopped for a water break. The next part of the course is nice and flat set against the scenic Reservoir. There was a gentle rain falling and many many runners were out on this first Saturday in August.

Next up, the huge hill up Beacon Street. In the middle of the hill I thought to myself, "This is never going to end." What a wonderful metaphor for life. In the middle of an uphill climb, we feel as though we are never going to get to the top. I kept a strong and steady pace feeling fully present and balanced in my body.

I celebrated once we got to the top of the hill knowing it was all downhill from there.

I began to run. Tom asked me what I was doing.

"I left a little in the tank," I replied smiling and sweating.

I could feel myself overheating so I dumped some water on my head. I poured it on to the imaginary finish line.

I knew I had the best time but did I have the best time?

I checked my Nike+. Yes indeed - I sure did. The best 5K time since April of 2013 when I returned to running after a two year hiatus.

My first mile split was 15'12" and my average pace was 15'24". That's with an elevation of 221'.

I don't know what the day will hold for me next Sunday but I do know that today, I had the best time!




"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.



"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Changes in Attitude - Reframing - A New Mantra for Healing

During my pre treatment check in at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, my therapist asked me how I was doing. I replied with everything's okay because it has to be okay right? He said, "Oh I don't know. Sometimes it's okay to complain." I told him that I have my fair share of a pity party. "Sometimes PPS sucks," I told him. "When did you come to that conclusion?" he asked. "Yesterday." I went on to share how my Spirit feels so frustrated. There's so much more I want to do but I am limited by my physical form that gets fatigued. I need so much time to rest and recover.I was quick to point out that I am so grateful for everything I AM able to do and the abundance and blessings in my life and that's the duality of life's experiences. And yet, it was crucial that I said out loud that PPS sucks and that my Spirit felt frustrated.

I set my intention for the treatment - continued healing, peace, equanimity and, as I brought my hands together in prayer to my third eye, patience.

As he approached the table and had barely begun the work through the blanket, I felt this heat fill my trunk and I had this insight, "Oh my God. It doesn't have to always be this way."

Since increasing my mileage to a 10K distance once a week, I needed to ask for more help with chores. Even though my husband did the chores with an open heart telling me he wanted me to have enough energy to do the things that I enjoy doing, I was sad, frustrated and felt trapped inside my body. Sure I could run and was doing great at building endurance and speed but I couldn't figure out how to get a handle on managing the chores.

Through the treatment, I realized that there are energy breaches in my body from polio, violence and surgeries. I felt a shift in last Thursday's treatment. Hope surged through me and I could experience where energy had been blocked and there were moments when the energy began to flow.

At Walden Pond on Friday, I had a eureka moment during my meditation. I am an endurance runner. I realized that I had been up since 7 am on Thursday and after my treatment, we went to the Marathon Sports 5 Miler. We didn't get home until after 9 and I didn't get to sleep until 10 yet I felt energized realizing that I had energy available to sustain me throughout the long day.

I know how to train to go the distance. Why don't I apply this to the marathon of my life? And a new mantra for healing came to me:

"I have all the energy I need to do the things I need and want to do."

I add this to my healing mantra from Emile Coue, "Everyday in every way I'm getting better and better."

I know about getting a second wind.

It was a light bulb moment for me. I'd been focusing on the lack of energy and frustration which of course drains energy even more. As my therapist explained: "Yes there are areas where energy freely flows in your body and areas where it does not flow freely; your body draws from the places where energy freely flows and diverts it to where there are blocks thereby creating fatigue in both areas." I said "But it will change" and we both almost said at the same time - But it is changing! I realized that I'm not stuck or victimized by what is. During my meditation, I let go of what was weighing me down emotionally and physically.

I made a list of chores and with Tom's help, we figured out a schedule for getting the chores done to allow for rest and recovery yet allow for me to slowly build endurance in sharing in the chores.

We use the language of training to reframe how I need to manage. I take water stop breaks. We use a relay for putting away groceries and I sit on a chair as Tom passes the groceries to me.

I feel empowered. I have a new focus for my meditation with this new awareness of what is happening in my body. When I first began this journey over 7 years ago now, I would imagine God as my master electrician knowing that my body needed to be rewired. I now have the guidance of a wonderful mind/body therapist who uses massage and the practice of Zero Balancing to help me unleash my healing power to create change in my mind/body. Yet even if nothing more were to change I am okay with everything as it is right now.

It's all about changes in attitude, reframing by using the metaphor of running, and harnessing the power of my new mantra for healing.






"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Meet Beth Jordan

Beth Jordan has been in my heart for the last few years. She introduced me to the work of Bernie Siegel, MD who has been a major source of support, inspiration and healing during these past six years.
During my hospitalization she brought me a cassette tape - yes a cassette tape of Bernie Siegel

for a tape player.

She brought me trail mix. She told me my life needed healing. She worked with my team to do home IV infusions so I could get out of the hospital on longer passes. I was hospitalized for over 6 weeks. We stayed in touch with each other for many years after my hospitalization. She lived on a pond where water lilies floated serenely on the surface of the pond where we went canoeing together.

I lost touch with her but was never out of touch with her in my heart. I wasn't sure if she was still an earth angel or had made her transition to the next phase of her journey. I googled her a few times during this past year but came up with nothing.

And then - last week, I gave it one more try. I was so excited when her name, address and phone number popped up in my search. I called her and left a voice mail message. She returned my phone call and it was as if no time had passed.

She can't be found on google because she has no computer. She has no mobile phone. She is 82 years old and still lives in the same home where we visited her over 20 years ago. She has no TV. Her son bought her a cordless phone but she prefers the rotary phone her dad used.

Two of her children are both "healers" as she calls them - physicians in Hawaii and Seattle. One of her grandson's is a poet and for Christmas they sent each other a book of Mary Oliver's poetry. One of her sons lives nearby. She belongs to two meditation groups and lives a life of contentment, contemplation and peace as a self proclaimed minimalist vegetarian. She was overjoyed to hear of my healing journey and was humbled by my gratitude letting me know that it was not her that helped to heal me, but God working through her.

I told her that I would send her a copy of my most recent poetry book and asked if she would like Tom and I to visit her. She said she would be delighted or she could meet us somewhere....

As I walk into the chapel at Boston Childrens Hospital this morning, I will feel Beth's presence. I am so delighted I have reconnected with her. I carry her with me in my heart as I bring the healing and comfort she brought to me to others feeling her Divine energy - the Divine energy that we each have inside of us - course through me.

Our Greatest Teacher - from Seasons of the Soul

It's easy to attach to pain
the angst, the anger, the suffering
contracting
shrinking
squeezing Spirit into smaller and smaller spaces
losing sight of light
embodying the pain
nerves frayed
teeth on edge chattering with fear
descending deeper and deeper into the abyss
unaware
unawake
unalive
Spirit searching seeking
a moth to a flame
a healer appears seemingly out of thin air
a spark of love to illuminate
to heal
but first to learn

Pain – our greatest teacher...

Accepting the sorrow
releasing the shame
courage and strength to unflinchingly face death
emerging from the shadows
observe
allow the pain to be
This too shall pass washing through with each breath....

With each blow the heart breaks open like a pinata
the soul's treasures found
compassion
forgiveness
overflow
naked and vulnerable fully clothed in Divine Love
appreciation and a grateful heart
sweet rewards in this delicious delightful life
peace joy and freedom
when the test is finally past.