Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Greatest Love of All-Recap of a 5 Mile Run

Before I went on a 5 mile run this morning I read a post from Gail Martin who writes Gail Martin's Marathon Tips:
" There's a difference between having expectations to achieve, and setting realistic goals. Some days won't provide the right circumstances to reach certain goals--accept it, and try again. Disappointment accompanies unmet expectations--stealing the joy from what we love to do. It's always a process, but if you want to lessen the lows, let go of your expectations." As I posted to Gail, I felt as though God wanted me to read that before I went on my run.

It was a cold and windy morning. One of the goals I set forth on Daily Mile is to continue running sub 15 minute mile runs but my body is getting acclimated to running in cold weather again and I never know what this body is going to do on any given day. My wonderful running and life partner, Tom and beautiful daughter Ruth Anne, home from college were joining me on this run even though they are doing the Tough Ten Mile Turkey Trot tomorrow. As I started out I could feel my body reeling against the cold and the wind. I heard Gail's words echo and I said, what if I do a 15 min or even a 16 minute mile on this training run? You are beating the odds Mary. Remember what Doug and Ashley said, "every step is a victory". Look at the beautiful blue sky, hear the waves of the reservoir lap against the shore. Give thanks and settle into a rhythm with your body. Let the music in your iPod carry you along.

I let go of my expectations and I used this run to do some soul work. I reminded myself that I don't have to catch up to anyone anymore ever again. I get to run my own race. This feeling of needing to catch up is a feeling that is held not only in the soul but in the body as well.I let myself experience the feelings of laying on the couch and being abandoned and rejected by my mother when I was paralyzed from polio. I celebrated my awesomeness and thought about all the reasons why I am awesome. I released the feelings of abandonment, rejection, of losing love I never had and released the fear that I would lose the love of my wonderful friends and massage therapist. I released the feelings of having my father who once was loving and attentive while I was paralyzed with polio turn on me in such a violent way.

When we were half way around the reservoir on our final lap I talked with Tom about my brother who had called me yesterday. I felt this incredible wave of compassion and love come over me for both of us - for what we had lived through - for what we had survived and with that I broke out. I wasn't pushing myself and I wasn't trying to beat any time. I just wanted to run. I told Tom and Ruth Anne they could continue power walking as they are gonna do their thing tomorrow but I needed to just run.

I embraced the reality that I really am a runner (thanks Doug) but for now I am working on distances I can manage. I'm taking it slow and easy in the miles department and I'm getting used to feeling this new way in my earthly home. I ran a 14:11 minute mile for 5 miles. My average heart rate held steady at 152 with a peak of 175. I know I am getting more fit, stronger and every day in every way I am better and better.

I am experiencing the greatest love of all - right inside of me. I am re-educating the child within who was abandoned, neglected and abused to feel love and joy; to discover the awesomeness and the beauty. I learned to depend on me and have often said that my childhood was a do it yourself job but I was never alone. God was/is always with me. I am blessed and grateful beyond words to all of you - my readers, the running community, and Lady Linda who saw the beauty I possessed inside - thank you to all who have embraced me and my journey.

As the holiday season approaches, we have so many exciting Holiday Gifts which give while you give.

God bless, be well and live like you were dyin'
From my heart to yours with love and gratitude,

1 comment:

Douglas Welch said...

Why do you always make me cry!!??!