Letting Go, Letting God

First of all -- a disclaimer. I don't have an entirely empty nest. I have a beautiful animal companion, Alex aka Alex da cat dude. When my son did relief work in the lower ninth two years ago in New Orleans they heard meowing in the attic at Common Ground, the volunteer house where he was living. Common Ground had adopted a dog, Chopper and a Katrina cat. My son was planning to bring home Chopper to give him a permanent home but after hearing the meowing in the attic, the volunteers discovered that the Katrina cat had given birth to a litter of kittens. There was no way they could stay there; my son and his friend each took one of the kittens. My son named him Alex after an anarchist leader (whose name escapes me now). My daughter and husband dubbed him Alex da cat dude and since he rules the house, we call him King Alex (and even have that name inscribed on his ID tag). (In case you are wondering, my son moved out a year ago April to follow his own path).

Yesterday, Alex manifested a sign for me. It was raining yesterday morning but he still wanted to go outside. I expected when he returned he would be soaking wet. When he came back in he was moew'ing and meow'ing so I thought he wanted a pick up to be dried off. When I picked him up, he was completely dry. God sent me another sign last night. I'd been in and out of the kitchen several times yesterday. I'm a little OCD especially during times of change and transition so I notice things that are 'out of place'. While I was vacuuming last night, something was moving around on the floor refusing to be vacuumed up. I looked closer and it was a nickel. It had not been there all day or I would have noticed! God is letting me know that there are mysteries and miracles abounding all around me. I only need to let go and let God.

This morning's Daily Word is Divine Order.

"God is divine order. The spiritual universe, from which all the material universe springs, is orderly. Order is its essence. Spirit is everlasting, unchanging and unchangeable." ... "I keep my thoughts in order by refusing to dwell on any but harmonious thoughts. I refuse to let fear or doubt or discouragement derail my thinking. I achieve order in my life by affirming that I am in harmony with divine order, directed and guided by it."

During this morning's meditation I realized that part of the tears I cried yesterday were for myself. What a contrast between the way I left for college in September 1971 and the way my daughter left for Tennessee. My father had spent all of my college savings. He had chosen to end his life a month before I was leaving for Boston University. I was carrying the trauma from years of abuse and the baggage of a polio survivor. My mother, herself a trauma survivor and dealing with many medical issues which led her to become addicted to prescription painkillers was not able to provide any emotional support. In fact, I would commute on weekends from Boston to help her settle my father's mess and take care of her parents who had begun to slip into dementia. God was there all along and despite the seeming chaos, everything was as it should be. Everything was in Divine Order. Thank God for my brother. Up until this moment, I had not realized the important role he played in my life during that critical time. And right in this moment I realize the significance of the nickel. Five. There were four people in our family but God's Love and constant Presence through it all made for five.

The sun is shining this morning. It is a new day. Every day is a new day, a new beginning and I let go and let God guide my day. It would be easy to clutter my day with things to do, calling people, busying myself to distract myself from the grieving process of having sent my beautiful daughter off to Tennessee. It is gentle grief today unlike the wracking pain of yesterday. Not having someone around who has been a part of my life for 23 years creates a feeling of sadness. I just let the little ripples come and go and can smile and know that God is right here. There is a bird singing loudly this morning - a call to go outside and be one with God as I go on a run to start the engines of my physical body and see where Spirit leads me this day.

I've been blessed with the gift of inspirational poetry which has helped me to heal mind, body and spirit -- I'd love to share my gift with you. You can order "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" and "Set Sail for a New World:Healing a Life Through the Gift of Poetry" through my website New World Greetings.

After you order your autographed, signed copy of my books, browse the samples of original poetry I create through New World Greeting Cards and celebrate and commemorate with a one of a kind poem.

Be sure to check out my News and Events page to see what's next for me in my new world.

Waves of Weather

From the mid west, to the mid-Atlantic states to New England (where I live) everyone has been talking about the weather. There have been waves of severe weather -- one minute the sun is shining and the next, the dark clouds move in and the skies open to the sound of thunder claps and a spectacular lightning show. This weather pattern is a fitting backdrop to the emotions I have been experiencing for the past few weeks.

I am so blessed with a beautiful daughter who is leaving home to follow her heart and her dreams. I am so grateful for the opportunities that have opened before her and what she has created. I am so proud of her receiving her associates degree and going on to pursue a bachelor's degree. I wrote about her going away party two weeks ago -- love filled our home as they paid tribute to the neighbor, friend, babysitter, marathon runner, student and beautiful Spirit. Kate Loving Shenk who writes the Daily Prayer Healing Blog commented on my comment on her post, "Mary Ruth Anne's leaving is traumatic - say it like it is".

Just as we have no control over the weather, I can only go with the waves of emotions during this time. There are times when the pangs of separation are intense. I realized today that we are each giving birth to our new selves. When once we had this rhythm of living together (and to be honest it was not always a picnic for either one of us) we are now pursuing our own hopes and dreams as two women. And while we were doing this while we lived together -- this is a new chapter -- an exciting time -- an exhilarating adventure and I am so blessed to have such fullness of joy in my life with my business, my marriage, my friends, my neighobrhood, my gift of poetry and the opportunities which unfold before me. But there are no short cuts when going through a life transition.

The sun -- I love my life and I am so grateful for the bounty of blessings since I left my full time job at the VA 3 years ago. I love my solitude and am so blessed to have so many friends both in my life and in cyber space. My life is overflowing with the gift of poetry and spiritual resources to help me keep awake. My daughter graduated with high honors and we had several weeks of celebrations, going away dinners, last trips to her favorite places. She leaves with confidence, a wonderful network of friends waiting to support her when she arrives in Nashville, a car, a drivers license, seed money and most important above all of these the love and support of her family and friends back home and love, generosity and a kind Spirit. She lives from her heart.

The storm -- winds of change, a different rhythm, the loss of a weekday running partner, someone to take a day trip with in the middle of the week on her day off, the love and laughter which filled our home every day, watching favorite TV shows together, watching You Tube videos, having dinner conversation with her, hearing her pace in her room while listening to her iPod and a thousand little things that a mother gets used to.

The sun -- how could I want anything else but for her to go and follow her dreams? This is how it is meant to be. And I will have time to focus on my business, my poetry, my spiritual growth; for decades I always had someone dependent on me. First I was caretaker in my family (my mom and her parents), then I was caretaker for my patients and along with caring for them, being the mother of twins. This is the first time in my life when I have time for me -- to take care of myself mind, body and spirit. It is a wonderful liberating feeling to know that my work as a mother is complete. Our relationship will transform and grow and it will never be the same as when she lived at home.It will evolve into something more wonderful.

The storm -- and part of what makes this time especially traumatic for me has nothing to do with my daughter. It has to do with something that happened on August 1, 1971. Interestingly enough for the five days prior to August 1, 1971 there were waves of severe weather. That was the time that my father was missing and he left a suicide note. This is a blessed opportunity for me to to heal the wounds from a father's suicide. I feel an incredible strength to feel the pain of abandonment and to have it transformed with God's Love. My husband is driving my daughter's car to Nashville. He will be back late tomorrow night. I could have gone with them (no not really because I can't sit in a car for long periods of time with post polio syndrome and would not be able to help with the driving because when I drive for over an hour I begin to experience a flare of cervical spine disease) but it was not meant to be. This is something that I need to experience - and in the solitude, in the trauma of separation for a joyous occasion, I can feel God's Love bathe a wound that has needed healing. I was supposed to meet friends for lunch tomorrow but came to the realization that I need to take this time to just let my feelings be. In between bouts of crying and smiles and laughter and joy, I am attending to all that which brings me joy -- my business, my poetry, sharing my gift of poetry with my readers, planning a charity road race, preparing for upcoming events...but it is not only about the doing -- it is about the being and getting into a whole new rhythm of being without the demands of motherhood. It is about feeling my connection with God and that Source of Love that heals all.

The photos above were taken the evening of my daughter's awards dinner at her college as we drove home. Traffic was backed up for the way we usually go and my husband decided to take a different route. As I saw the sun shining while the rain was pouring I said, "Where's the rainbow?" He said, "look ahead -- we wouldn't have seen it if the traffic would not have been backed up." My daughter took these photos -- and so I know that after the storm, there is always the rainbow -- a reminder of God's Love.

I've been blessed with the gift of inspirational poetry which has helped me to heal mind, body and spirit -- I'd love to share my gift with you. You can order "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" and "Set Sail for a New World:Healing a Life Through the Gift of Poetry" through my website New World Greetings. Remember that 20% of book proceeds are donated to two causes near and dear to my heart!

After you order your autographed, signed copy of my books, browse the samples of original poetry I create through New World Greeting Cards and celebrate and commemorate with a one of a kind poem.

Be sure to check out my News and Events page to see what's next for me in my new world.