The Sights and Sounds of the Sea - Medicine for the Soul

Tom and I hadn't been back to Gloucester and Rockport in several years. He is running the Around the Cape 25K tomorrow and we decided to make a day trip out of number pick up. That's the great thing about being a runner; not only do you have the excitement of races but you can create day trips and vacations around the road race.

I have always loved the ocean. After my nephew ended his life in March of 2011 by jumping off his fishing boat, the sea didn't hold the same charm and comfort for me -- until yesterday. What a pleasure to see a place we would often visit through new eyes.

There is a small beach we used to frequent at the end of the walk way where the statue of the Gloucester Fisherman stands.



We thought that would be a wonderful place to relax and then walk into town to have lunch after number pick up. It was too windy to sit on the beach so we enjoyed time on the soft grass on the walk way overlooking the ocean where we we had a little insulation from the wind.

We allowed the ocean to become our meditation object.



I felt blessed by my nephew's presence as I reflected on the words on the Gloucester Fisherman Statue: "They that go down to the sea in ships."

For the first time since his death, I felt healed and could take deep breaths once again enjoying the majesty, magic and mysticism of the sea.



Tom and I have weathered many, many storms in our 36 years of marriage. It was a joy and a delight to experience yesterday's brilliant sunshine and calm and peace in the moments that made up our day.

Since it wasn't a beach day, we decided to head up to Bearskin Neck.



We poked in and out of the shops known to showcase local artist's talents. I saw this on display outside of one shop:


My nephew's sister, my niece posts that on her facebook page on his birthday in December and on the anniversary of his death. I smiled knowing that his physicality may be gone but he is right here in my heart.

After our obligatory ice cream treat - and I mean treat since we have ice cream maybe once or twice a year, we set up our chairs at the tip of Bearskin Neck watching sailing, kayaking, stand up paddle board surfers and enjoying the rhythm of the sea and tourists come and go.



Before we left Cape Ann, we stopped by Helmut's Streudel. It was so tempting to bring home streudel or their cookies but we opted for a spinach and feta croissant to have for my post long run on Sunday:



The sights and sounds of the sea in a town known for its fishermen was medicine for my soul helping to bring peace and closure to a wound of grief.




"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

It's a Shame!

It's a shame how much time is wasted on feeling shame.

The polio vaccine had just been made available but the climate of fear and panic about polio remained. Polio was associated with being unclean and there was a tremendous energy of shame that became associated with the disease. Ironically enough, there was a high incidence of polio in areas where there was clean water and more affluence because children did not have the opportunity to be exposed to the polio virus and develop a natural immunity to the disease.

Because my family was rather, shall we say, fragile to say the least, they could not nurture and support me back to physical, emotional and spiritual health.

Polio, incest, suicide, drug addiction and alcoholism were the conditions that created a perfect storm for shame to become a part of who I was.

After my nephew's suicide in March 2011, I realize how much feelings of shame drove me to make choices and be in relationships that fueled my battle with shame. They were on the surface relationships of caring and support while underneath there was the message of you're not good enough as you are. We can help you change and become something better; a pattern of pulling me in and casting me out.

It was all a part of the journey so that I could arrive here in this moment. I can feel at peace and feel joy with who I am in mind, body and Spirit. Of course the Truth of who we are in Spirit is pure Love, joy, compassion and gratitude.

I feel tremendous compassion for myself and all that I lived through. Now that I am clearing the energy of shame from my life, it is easier to extend feelings of compassion to others especially those whose lives have been touched by mental illness, addiction, incest, suicide or any of the life experiences that are often considered "taboo" and can become a breeding ground for shame.

I can take my place at a starting line not knowing if I will be the last to cross the finish line. I run my personal best. When once I felt so much shame in my leg brace and in gym class, I carried that with me to many starting lines. Now I am able to celebrate that I am at the starting line, running with heart, doing my best with what I've got. I am proud to be out there running and living feeling the miracle of my life.



It's a shame to feel any other way about my life.



My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Three Years Later - A Time to Celebrate!

On 3/4/2011, which coincidentally is my wedding anniversary, my 26 year old nephew ended his life. I felt a part of me died with him. My father had committed suicide when I was 17 years old. I could not believe that grandfather and grandson would choose to end their lives.

For the past two years, I found myself struggling in my marriage and in my life around the anniversary time. Last year, Tom and I didn't celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary but I did get a new wedding band to symbolically release myself from the energetic connection to my family. My gold wedding band had been handed down to me from my great grandmother. While many experience a beautiful sentimental connection to jewelry handed down to them, mine was rife with conflict and unhappiness. So I tossed it into the ocean - yes an 18 karat gold wedding band - and I could feel my nephew's presence with me. He grabbed the anchor and jumped off of his fishing boat as it was pulling into Rhode Island and drowned.

This past year has been a year of phenomenal healing and transformation. You'll read about it (and my 7 year healing odyssey) in my soon to be released memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility".



Last weekend, Tom and I were finally able to celebrate both his birthday (which happens to be tomorrow 3/2 and marks 37 years since we met) and our anniversary in Hyannis as part of the Hyannis Marathon Weekend. We swam together, ate delicious meals together and I was able to wait for him to cross the finish line. He ran the Half Marathon. We went to the after party for Spaulding at 586 and celebrated runners' firsts, PR's and an unseasonably warm day in Hyannis.

Meeting Dick Beardsley who was able to overcome addiction, was incredibly healing for me. My nephew Charlie could have certainly benefited from the work he is doing through the Dick Beardsley Foundation. Knowing that Dick and his wife Jill are out working there tirelessly to raise money for education and to pay for treatment for those who are trapped in the cycle of chemical dependency brought me healing and comfort.


Last weekend I reconnected with the running community and celebrated my 2009 Boston Marathon run. I was reunited with alumni from Spaulding Rehab's Race for Rehab Team:



Tom and I regaled stories about our first half marathon - in Hyannis - in 2009 at the pre race pasta dinner.

I celebrated my Boston Marathon run with four time Marathon champion Bill Rodgers:



Time heals! The power of community heals! While my heart still aches for the tragedies of my father and nephew and how their suicides tore the fabric of our family apart, I can now celebrate what needs to be celebrated in my life and move forward.

"Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better."

I was listening to the Unstoppable Frankie Picasso show with her guest Madeleine Herrmann, a woman who wrote a novel as part of her healing journey about her husband who committed suicide. She attributes part of her healing to the teachings of Emile Coue who said, "Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better." I've used this phrase many times in my healing journey with post polio syndrome. This is the first time I heard who had said it.

Emile Coue was a pioneer in the field of autosuggestion and hypnotherapy applying these techniques to helping people heal from their medical afflictions. He asserted the placebo effect as he would dispense medications as a pharmacist, praising the efficacy of the medications he dispensed. He was the first to say that he did not heal patients but helped them to find their own paths to heal.

Healing is not the same as a cure and Emile Coue asserts that there are limitations to what the organic body can achieve. I believe that there is no limit to healing. Healing is a state of being. Healing is the belief that no matter what the challenge, it can be met with strength, grace and fortitude and transformed by the power of God's Love. I began to heal when I loved myself in a brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility, needing a wrist splint; my body was terribly deconditioned and I had tremors of the head and hands. My body responded to my love song which I sang through the inspirational poetry I wrote after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome. I still have tremors; I experience fatigue and pain and sometimes I have a good old fashioned pity party that I ever contracted paralytic polio and now deal with the symptoms of post polio syndrome. I think about Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life and how Clarence the angel shows him what would have happened had he never been on earth. I reflect on all the people's lives I have touched because I have had the courage to share my story. It was no accident that Madeleine Herrmann was the guest on Frankie's show; it was an opportunity for me to revisit an old wound that needed healing; the wound of my father's suicide when I was only 17 years old.

And then, it is all magically transformed through the power of an attitude of gratitude, seeing what I have created which would never have been possible had I not had polio and post polio syndrome and feeling God's grace at work in my life. My eyes are open to signs of grace which abound and unfold in my life. My heart is open to the messages of Love God sends me as I write poetry. I meet the most beautiful people who have overcome challenges with grace, dignity and a fiery passion to transform the challenges into blessings for others. I meet spiritual teachers from whom I learn and I am a teacher to others. It is after all, a Wonderful Life and every day in every way I am getting better and better.

I am so excited about running the Charles River Run and the Harvard Pilgrim 10K road races. I've been training hard and getting myself in the best physical and psychological shape I can be in. It does not matter that others may whiz by me; I'm out there running my race.

I'll be an inspirational speaker at Boston GreenFest 2010 the weekend of August 19-21 talking about health and wellness strategies. I must make sure that I practice what I preach-smile. I will also have a table for New World Greeting Cards. If you're in the Boston area I do hope you'll come by.

Do you spend hours searching for a greeting card that only comes close to what you want to say? Let New World Greeting Cards create an original poem to celebrate and commemorate that special occasion.

"New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" and "Set Sail for a New World" my books of inspirational poetry chronicling my healing journey with polio and post polio syndrome are available for purchase through my website. Remember I Pay it Forward
by donating 20% of book proceeds to two charities near and dear to my heart.

Letting Go, Letting God

First of all -- a disclaimer. I don't have an entirely empty nest. I have a beautiful animal companion, Alex aka Alex da cat dude. When my son did relief work in the lower ninth two years ago in New Orleans they heard meowing in the attic at Common Ground, the volunteer house where he was living. Common Ground had adopted a dog, Chopper and a Katrina cat. My son was planning to bring home Chopper to give him a permanent home but after hearing the meowing in the attic, the volunteers discovered that the Katrina cat had given birth to a litter of kittens. There was no way they could stay there; my son and his friend each took one of the kittens. My son named him Alex after an anarchist leader (whose name escapes me now). My daughter and husband dubbed him Alex da cat dude and since he rules the house, we call him King Alex (and even have that name inscribed on his ID tag). (In case you are wondering, my son moved out a year ago April to follow his own path).

Yesterday, Alex manifested a sign for me. It was raining yesterday morning but he still wanted to go outside. I expected when he returned he would be soaking wet. When he came back in he was moew'ing and meow'ing so I thought he wanted a pick up to be dried off. When I picked him up, he was completely dry. God sent me another sign last night. I'd been in and out of the kitchen several times yesterday. I'm a little OCD especially during times of change and transition so I notice things that are 'out of place'. While I was vacuuming last night, something was moving around on the floor refusing to be vacuumed up. I looked closer and it was a nickel. It had not been there all day or I would have noticed! God is letting me know that there are mysteries and miracles abounding all around me. I only need to let go and let God.

This morning's Daily Word is Divine Order.

"God is divine order. The spiritual universe, from which all the material universe springs, is orderly. Order is its essence. Spirit is everlasting, unchanging and unchangeable." ... "I keep my thoughts in order by refusing to dwell on any but harmonious thoughts. I refuse to let fear or doubt or discouragement derail my thinking. I achieve order in my life by affirming that I am in harmony with divine order, directed and guided by it."

During this morning's meditation I realized that part of the tears I cried yesterday were for myself. What a contrast between the way I left for college in September 1971 and the way my daughter left for Tennessee. My father had spent all of my college savings. He had chosen to end his life a month before I was leaving for Boston University. I was carrying the trauma from years of abuse and the baggage of a polio survivor. My mother, herself a trauma survivor and dealing with many medical issues which led her to become addicted to prescription painkillers was not able to provide any emotional support. In fact, I would commute on weekends from Boston to help her settle my father's mess and take care of her parents who had begun to slip into dementia. God was there all along and despite the seeming chaos, everything was as it should be. Everything was in Divine Order. Thank God for my brother. Up until this moment, I had not realized the important role he played in my life during that critical time. And right in this moment I realize the significance of the nickel. Five. There were four people in our family but God's Love and constant Presence through it all made for five.

The sun is shining this morning. It is a new day. Every day is a new day, a new beginning and I let go and let God guide my day. It would be easy to clutter my day with things to do, calling people, busying myself to distract myself from the grieving process of having sent my beautiful daughter off to Tennessee. It is gentle grief today unlike the wracking pain of yesterday. Not having someone around who has been a part of my life for 23 years creates a feeling of sadness. I just let the little ripples come and go and can smile and know that God is right here. There is a bird singing loudly this morning - a call to go outside and be one with God as I go on a run to start the engines of my physical body and see where Spirit leads me this day.

I've been blessed with the gift of inspirational poetry which has helped me to heal mind, body and spirit -- I'd love to share my gift with you. You can order "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World" and "Set Sail for a New World:Healing a Life Through the Gift of Poetry" through my website New World Greetings.

After you order your autographed, signed copy of my books, browse the samples of original poetry I create through New World Greeting Cards and celebrate and commemorate with a one of a kind poem.

Be sure to check out my News and Events page to see what's next for me in my new world.