Monday, June 7, 2010

Letting Go, Letting God

First of all -- a disclaimer. I don't have an entirely empty nest. I have a beautiful animal companion, Alex aka Alex da cat dude. When my son did relief work in the lower ninth two years ago in New Orleans they heard meowing in the attic at Common Ground, the volunteer house where he was living. Common Ground had adopted a dog, Chopper and a Katrina cat. My son was planning to bring home Chopper to give him a permanent home but after hearing the meowing in the attic, the volunteers discovered that the Katrina cat had given birth to a litter of kittens. There was no way they could stay there; my son and his friend each took one of the kittens. My son named him Alex after an anarchist leader (whose name escapes me now). My daughter and husband dubbed him Alex da cat dude and since he rules the house, we call him King Alex (and even have that name inscribed on his ID tag). (In case you are wondering, my son moved out a year ago April to follow his own path).

Yesterday, Alex manifested a sign for me. It was raining yesterday morning but he still wanted to go outside. I expected when he returned he would be soaking wet. When he came back in he was moew'ing and meow'ing so I thought he wanted a pick up to be dried off. When I picked him up, he was completely dry. God sent me another sign last night. I'd been in and out of the kitchen several times yesterday. I'm a little OCD especially during times of change and transition so I notice things that are 'out of place'. While I was vacuuming last night, something was moving around on the floor refusing to be vacuumed up. I looked closer and it was a nickel. It had not been there all day or I would have noticed! God is letting me know that there are mysteries and miracles abounding all around me. I only need to let go and let God.

This morning's Daily Word is Divine Order.

"God is divine order. The spiritual universe, from which all the material universe springs, is orderly. Order is its essence. Spirit is everlasting, unchanging and unchangeable." ... "I keep my thoughts in order by refusing to dwell on any but harmonious thoughts. I refuse to let fear or doubt or discouragement derail my thinking. I achieve order in my life by affirming that I am in harmony with divine order, directed and guided by it."

During this morning's meditation I realized that part of the tears I cried yesterday were for myself. What a contrast between the way I left for college in September 1971 and the way my daughter left for Tennessee. My father had spent all of my college savings. He had chosen to end his life a month before I was leaving for Boston University. I was carrying the trauma from years of abuse and the baggage of a polio survivor. My mother, herself a trauma survivor and dealing with many medical issues which led her to become addicted to prescription painkillers was not able to provide any emotional support. In fact, I would commute on weekends from Boston to help her settle my father's mess and take care of her parents who had begun to slip into dementia. God was there all along and despite the seeming chaos, everything was as it should be. Everything was in Divine Order. Thank God for my brother. Up until this moment, I had not realized the important role he played in my life during that critical time. And right in this moment I realize the significance of the nickel. Five. There were four people in our family but God's Love and constant Presence through it all made for five.

The sun is shining this morning. It is a new day. Every day is a new day, a new beginning and I let go and let God guide my day. It would be easy to clutter my day with things to do, calling people, busying myself to distract myself from the grieving process of having sent my beautiful daughter off to Tennessee. It is gentle grief today unlike the wracking pain of yesterday. Not having someone around who has been a part of my life for 23 years creates a feeling of sadness. I just let the little ripples come and go and can smile and know that God is right here. There is a bird singing loudly this morning - a call to go outside and be one with God as I go on a run to start the engines of my physical body and see where Spirit leads me this day.

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Be sure to check out my News and Events page to see what's next for me in my new world.

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