As The Seasons Change

I remember greeting my massage therapist at Sollievo as the first days of warmer weather arrived. "We survived the winter," I said. We both laughed saying that we seem to say that every year after a New England Winter. In essence we were saying, "how could we do anything other than make it through the winter?"

It's been over 5 months since I began the next miles on my healing journey at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. So much wonderful healing is happening within me, mind, body and Spirit.

I notice a change in the way I am experiencing the change of seasons this year as we transition from summer to fall.

My facebook feed is filled with first day of school photos, my friends who are teachers posting about their return to work and saying farewell to summer vacation.

I can no longer have breakfast in my yard because the sun arrives later on my lawn.

But I can now appreciate the change in lighting and set up my office outside as soon as the sun warms up the day. I enjoy cooler weather runs yet runs when I do not yet have to put on layers.

And I have a choice about how I experience the change in seasons.

As a retiree, I was in rhythm with others during summer as the pace of life was slower and people had more free time. When the calendar turned from August to September, I would find myself panicking and scrambling to put things in place that would keep me busy and have a feeling of purpose.

Not this year though.

How do I choose to embrace life as the seasons change?

Running and training for the Tufts 10K, Aquatics Therapy, and taking advantage of the many wonderful opportunities through Adaptive Sports at Spaulding. Writing, reading, spending times with friends on Facebook and in real life. I now know that this time I take for healing is precious, purposeful time that allows me to age well as the season of my life changes. I can allow myself to Be.

I have some wonderful events coming up that fill my heart with joy but that do not require intensive labor on my part. Tom and I are learning how to create a sense of mindful retirement even though he needs to continue to work to support us financially. I can accept my need for retirement and I can accept his need to continue to work. I am deeply grateful to him and for a job with excellent pay and benefits. In technology these days, it's unusual to have a job you can, for the most part, leave when you leave work for the day. It was a very challenging transition to find a job that would give us the opportunity to have the lifestyle we want as we move into the autumn of our lives but we were blessed to have found it!

I am no longer rescuing anyone or anything as I did last year trying to "sell" Boston Integrated Body, the new business created by the person I was working with in KMI Structural Integration. As a trauma survivor, I wasn't able to discern what was right and true for my healing. As was the title of my 2nd grade class play, "Every Season Has a Reason". I had to go through that pattern one more time of trying to rescue someone from themselves and sacrificing my own needs to try to save someone else.

I heal from the trauma of two suicides and put down the blame, shame, guilt and sense of responsibility for anyone else's life but my own.

There is nothing I have to do and nowhere I need to arrive. I am blessed and grateful at long last for this time in my life where I can honor my time and need for healing from the effects of paralytic polio and violence, while living a full, vibrant and enjoyable life. And this year as the seasons change, I shall embrace all the wonderful changes within myself that now allow me to be a part of the rhythm of life enjoying the beauty and majesty of every season.




"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Purpose - On Poetry, Passion and Hope

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
I had never felt a connection to my body before. It was a strange experience yet one that I hungered for. I wanted to find my way home and Allison was my first tour guide providing the map I needed to reconnect with myself.

The first day I walked into the outpatient gym and saw all of the equipment and machines I thought to myself, I’m going to be able to do this. I can get stronger. I can reconnect with my body. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was going to take time and I had to be extremely patient with myself. Allison’s passion for the work and belief in the process was infectious. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to live in my body. I wanted to feel whole. Three times a week we worked together using what I now know was Pilates, isometrics, weight training and cardiovascular exercise to begin to bring my body out of its withered state.

I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote the poem, "Running the Race."

Poems about wholeness, gratitude, feeling free in my body and healing began flowing out of me. My pen became my diving rod for healing. I continue to write poetry and as Spirit moves me will post them on Facebook. My most recent poems will be incorporated into my next book, "Journey Well." It seems that there is at least one person who thanks me for my poem saying it was exactly what they needed to hear. Purpose ....

I used to try to find my purpose after leaving my award winning career at the VA with a very heavy heart. I realized that I can't find my purpose. The Universe presents me with wonderful opportunities to use my passion and talents for the higher good. I am better able to discern these opportunities and to seize the ones that bring me joy and make my heart sing. Purpose....

Last night after Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab, one of the women mentioned in the locker room that she felt very frustrated in the class. "You seemed to know what you are doing and you do it with such ease," she said to me. I smiled. I told her that appearances are very deceiving and while some of the exercises are easier for me than others, I have to work hard in the water to create new neuromuscular conditions and build strength. I shared my journey with her. Her eyes welled with tears. "Well ... you gave me hope. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your story today. I'll be back next week." Purpose....

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I asked my father why we are here. It was a rare moment with him when he was sober. He said that he didn't have an answer but he liked to believe that if we touch the life of at least one other person while we are here, then we can say our life is a success. Purpose ....





"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Seven Years Later #tbt #thankfulthursday

May 25, 2007, I cleared out of the Boston VA Healthcare System, closing a chapter on 19 years of my life as a social worker at the VA to take the time I needed to heal my life. At the time, I didn't understand what that meant. I only knew that I was given the life altering diagnosis of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. I knew that if I had any hope of a future, I had to leave behind the stress of my job.

#tbt mementos from my tenure at the VA:

A Certificate of Appreciation Award honoring my 19 years of service at the VA and a certificate from Voluntary Service for my years of collaboration with them to benefit the quality of life for our veterans:


From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" now available on Amazon

"I didn’t know what needed healing or how that healing would happen. I only knew that I needed time and space away from the stress of getting up at 5:30 every morning, commuting into Boston, taking care of veterans and their families as well as the people on my team, and my own family members. I hold myself responsible for my inability to set limits. I feel tremendous compassion for myself that I was like a hamster in a wheel and had no idea how to get off of it within the VA system. I know many of my colleagues resented me for how much work I did do. I was held up as the standard for social workers when it came to ‘my numbers’ and documentation. There is the middle way of being able to find balance and self care while providing outstanding care to veterans and their families but I was damned if I knew how to get there at that time."

I have been marking each anniversary but I believe that this is the last year to mark the anniversary of when I left the VA. I feel a sense of completion. I feel it is time to move forward. Coincidentally, May 25th was my father's birthday. I am ready to leave him and our relationship in peace, grateful that I survived and now live a life that is full, vibrant and overflowing with blessings.

I feel blessed, honored, humbled and grateful that tomorrow night is the Book Release Party for my memoir.

I am ready to close the chapter on these past 7 years and embrace my life here and now. The combination of biweekly massage sessions at Sollievo Bodywork and Massage which incorporates Zero Balancing into the sessions, Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab and running 2-3X/week to train for the Tufts 10K in October is a winning combination in moving forward in my life as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma.

I appreciate the gift that each day brings. I'm working on a new book, "Journey Well: Poems and Stories to Inspire". I have races planned for myself and my family. I volunteer and am part of support crew for those races that have a fast field and that I know I wouldn't enjoy - for now. I have run the 2009 Boston Marathon, published books of poetry and my memoir. I know that I blessed many lives when I worked as a social worker at the VA and continue to bless and inspire others as others bless and inspire me by their presence in my life.

I have books to read, and a garden to grow.

Most people my age are planning their retirement. I am living mine. It took me 7 years to settle and find a place of contentment, peace, healing and integrity and integration in my life. My heart overflows with gratitude that I am here now. I have an incredible partner in my life in my husband Tom who, thank goodness, is willing and able to work past retirement age to support us. I have so many beautiful friends in my life with whom to share the journey.

Seven years later -- life is good.