Healing, Hope and Possibility: Spaulding Rehab

Showing posts with label Spaulding Rehab. Show all posts

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Surfer Girl

"Do you want to finish with the cardio circuit or balance?" our therapist at Spaulding Aquatics Therapy class asked us.

We decided to finish with balance.

After an invigorating and challenging 35 minutes or so that included aqua jogging, strengthening hips with four way resistance exercises (so much more enjoyable than a theraband I am quick to add), pendulum swings for core strength with outstretched arms holding dumbbells, and contralateral quick step movements with laps, we took our kick boards to the deep end of the pool.

First up is finding our balance sitting on the kick boards then look ma no hands. To up level, we close our eyes and really harness the power of our core.

"Now see if you can stand on it. You can always use a noodle and come in the shallow end."

I'd seen a lot of beach blanket bingo movies in my day (said at the risk of dating myself) and channeled my inner Frankie Avalon:

I confidently stepped on to the kick board with one leg and then the other -- whoa whoa whoa -- this is harder than it looks.

Wipe out.

Lots of laughter.

Okay I've done this before but it's been awhile. I've got this.

After a few times, I was able to stand and did a few leg push ups for good measure.

Our therapist told us that she'd give us a few more minutes and then we'd need to come in and stretch. I simulated surfing by using my arms to surf swim to shore and staying upright on the kick board.

There were so many activities that I couldn't try in my youth or so I thought as a result of having contracted paralytic polio. But it's never too late to become surfer girl.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Happy Swimiversary

August 30, 2013 I experienced my first Aquatics Therapy class at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital. As I reread my blog post from a year ago, I realize it is now 8 years since I became sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and took the first steps on my healing journey at Spaulding Rehab's Internaitonal Rehab Center for Polio at their outpatient clinic in Framingham in October of that year.

I knew there were benefits of Aquatics Therapy but am amazed to experience the transformation and healing that is happening in large part thanks to the twice weekly therapy classes at Spaulding.

I am up to 5 pound ankle weights and last Saturday I ran for seven sweet miles.

I can do squats with dumbbells. New neuromuscular connections fire up as we are challenged with balance exercises and contralateral movements. I remember how disorganized I felt with movements in the pool. I feel a sense of grace and ease in my body as I move and laugh as I try new exercises.

I love being in the pool. The warm waters heal. I feel more confidence and strength in my body than I did this time last year; than I have ever felt in my life. There is a collective intention for healing and finding strength in the community classes.

I often joke with my therapist saying that I think I am addicted to Aquatics Therapy classes. She responded with there are worse things you can be addicted to.

There is freedom as I move through water with mindful movements.

It's hard for me to believe it's been a year since I first experienced Aquatics Therapy. I had no expectations when I began the program. I didn't even know that I would become a fixture of the Tuesday and Wednesday classes. I'm glad that I stayed with the program even when it meant getting up in the dark at 6:15 am in the middle of the Polar Vortex or walking out into the darkness of evening being greeted by a blast of frigid air.

It's been a joy filled, challenging and fulfilling journey with wonderful results. I continue to build strength and experience healing and transformation, grace and ease in my physicality. Happy Swimiversary to me with deepest gratitude to my therapists and to Spaulding Rehab for the gift of this program in my life.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Gaining Momentum-It's Only a Bump in the Road

"Why don't you get on your helmet and we'll put you on this bike today. We don't have the one you used last week today," Ali Stoll, Ph.D. and coordinator of the Adaptive Sports Program at Spaulding Rehab suggested at yesterday's adaptive sports program.

Caitlyn from AccesSportAmerica helped fit me with my helmet.

They adjusted the seat on the recumbent bike to accommodate my long legs and Ali suggested using a band to secure my feet to the pedals. They were back in a flash with therabands. I was intrigued by how they were able to make a sling for my feet to secure them to the pedals. I gave it a test drive to make sure everything was comfortable and off we went.

This was the second Thursday that the forecast was for rain but the sky was a beautiful blue with puffy white clouds. There was a strong wind which we used to our advantage when it was at our backs. I was amazed at how at ease I felt riding this week. I was mindful and attentive while feeling a comfort being on the bike thoroughly enjoying experiencing this new found skill of mine.

We talked about running, races, and life. We went farther than last week and there was a slope in the sidewalk. Ali reassured me that it was perfectly safe to ride down the incline and encouraged me to have fun along the way. We rode to where the USS Constitution is docked. Ali checked in with me to see if I needed to rest and to see when I was ready to turn around. I suggested we do the "turn around" at the Constitution. (Every year on July 4th, the USS Constitution does its annual turnaround.)

What comes down must go up so that meant I would have to get back up that slope we rode down on our ride out. I instinctively picked up speed as we approached the slope and almost made it to the top. I slid back down. Ali said that she wanted me to really push and would only help me once I absolutely needed it. I gained momentum and made it as far as I could and told her, "Now" letting her know I couldn't push beyond that point to make it over the slope. She said all I needed was a little extra push.

The ride back was relaxing and enjoyable. The more I biked, the more I enjoyed the feeling of maneuvering the bike and feeling a sense of empowerment and strength.

We approached the bump in the road that had stopped me cold last week. As Ali mentioned that it was coming up, I gained momentum and without hesitation made it up and over.

It's funny how one week, something seems like an insurmountable obstacle but when we figure out what we can do to gain momentum, feel our strength and believe in our abilities, that insurmountable obstacle becomes merely a bump in the road. I carry this new found confidence and strength with me into the final 6 weeks of training for the Tufts 10K.

Monday, August 25, 2014

As The Seasons Change

I remember greeting my massage therapist at Sollievo as the first days of warmer weather arrived. "We survived the winter," I said. We both laughed saying that we seem to say that every year after a New England Winter. In essence we were saying, "how could we do anything other than make it through the winter?"

It's been over 5 months since I began the next miles on my healing journey at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. So much wonderful healing is happening within me, mind, body and Spirit.

I notice a change in the way I am experiencing the change of seasons this year as we transition from summer to fall.

My facebook feed is filled with first day of school photos, my friends who are teachers posting about their return to work and saying farewell to summer vacation.

I can no longer have breakfast in my yard because the sun arrives later on my lawn.

But I can now appreciate the change in lighting and set up my office outside as soon as the sun warms up the day. I enjoy cooler weather runs yet runs when I do not yet have to put on layers.

And I have a choice about how I experience the change in seasons.

As a retiree, I was in rhythm with others during summer as the pace of life was slower and people had more free time. When the calendar turned from August to September, I would find myself panicking and scrambling to put things in place that would keep me busy and have a feeling of purpose.

Not this year though.

How do I choose to embrace life as the seasons change?

Running and training for the Tufts 10K, Aquatics Therapy, and taking advantage of the many wonderful opportunities through Adaptive Sports at Spaulding. Writing, reading, spending times with friends on Facebook and in real life. I now know that this time I take for healing is precious, purposeful time that allows me to age well as the season of my life changes. I can allow myself to Be.

I have some wonderful events coming up that fill my heart with joy but that do not require intensive labor on my part. Tom and I are learning how to create a sense of mindful retirement even though he needs to continue to work to support us financially. I can accept my need for retirement and I can accept his need to continue to work. I am deeply grateful to him and for a job with excellent pay and benefits. In technology these days, it's unusual to have a job you can, for the most part, leave when you leave work for the day. It was a very challenging transition to find a job that would give us the opportunity to have the lifestyle we want as we move into the autumn of our lives but we were blessed to have found it!

I am no longer rescuing anyone or anything as I did last year trying to "sell" Boston Integrated Body, the new business created by the person I was working with in KMI Structural Integration. As a trauma survivor, I wasn't able to discern what was right and true for my healing. As was the title of my 2nd grade class play, "Every Season Has a Reason". I had to go through that pattern one more time of trying to rescue someone from themselves and sacrificing my own needs to try to save someone else.

I heal from the trauma of two suicides and put down the blame, shame, guilt and sense of responsibility for anyone else's life but my own.

There is nothing I have to do and nowhere I need to arrive. I am blessed and grateful at long last for this time in my life where I can honor my time and need for healing from the effects of paralytic polio and violence, while living a full, vibrant and enjoyable life. And this year as the seasons change, I shall embrace all the wonderful changes within myself that now allow me to be a part of the rhythm of life enjoying the beauty and majesty of every season.

Friday, August 22, 2014

My First Bike Ride and My First Bike Riding Lesson!

"Would you like to learn how to ride a two wheeler or try a three wheeler to start," Nate Berry asked me at the Weingarten Adaptive Sports Center at Spaulding Rehab in Charlestown.

I wasn't anticipating the possibility of trying out a two-wheeler and said that I would go with a three-wheeler for now.

Ali Stoll, DPT, the physical therapist who is the director of the Adaptive Sports Center at Spaulding, greeted me warmly. Everyone greeted everyone warmly. There were maybe a half dozen or so patients and a dedicated, energetic, warm, welcoming staff from AccesSportAmerica Ali went to get me a top of the line recumbent bike while Nate fitted me with a bicycle helmet. While I was anxious about what was in store for me on my first outdoor biking adventure, the staff's confidence, joy and enthusiasm put me at ease.

I did not know that the staff ratio is at least 1:1 for the adaptive sports program. At least a one on one staff ratio for $20 for a 90 minute session and no one is ever turned away because of their inability to pay. I was blessed to have Nate and Ali and two other staffers from AccesSportAmerican accompany me on my inaugural bike ride along the scenic trail with the view of Boston and the Boston Harbor before me.

Yesterday I wrote about my new normal. Well I felt "normal" as we rode bikes (Nate was on a skateboard because there were no bikes left) and talked just as friends do when they go out to enjoy a beautiful late summer's day in Boston. Ali was clear in her use of language that I was not on an adaptive bike; I was using a recumbent bike which people of all abilities use.

I felt exhilaration to feel myself biking and learning how to navigate on a recumbent bike. I surprised myself by how I allowed myself to experience the thrill trusting in my ability to use the brakes if I needed them. I was concerned about whether or not I would have the stamina to bike for almost an hour but the conversation and the support and encouragement from Nate and Ali made it easy for me. They checked in with me from time to time making sure nothing hurt and I was doing okay but other than for those brief moments, I did not feel like a patient or a polio survivor. I was experiencing myself in my body trying out a new sport. And that is the whole point of the Adaptive Sports Program and AccesSportAmerica.

"How is your balance on one leg?" Ali asked as we were heading back to where we began our bike ride.

"Not great. I work on balance and core strength in Aquatics."

"Which leg is stronger right or left?"

"Definitely right."

On our way back there was a steep incline. Nate and Ali told me to push, push. Push with your left leg but I couldn't push any harder even harnessing my core. Nate helped to lift me over the incline. Ali almost got stuck as well and said, "It's harder than it looks." We laughed. And even though I needed to feel the security of having my feet strapped in, needed support when I stood up after riding, I transcended the feelings of awkwardness and any doubts about my ability in my body. This is the way I am and everything is more than okay with how I am.

Throughout the entire bike ride I felt joyful and at ease having total trust and confidence in my body knowing that Nate and Ali were there to guide and support me if I needed assistance.

"We have ten minutes left when we get back. Would you like to try the two wheeler? Ali and I will spot you," Nate said. Ali and Nate have this wonderful ability to encourage my abilities while helping me to feel supported. No time like the present to try something I'd never done before.

A group from AccesSportAmerica gathered around. Nate talked me through the steps to getting on the bike and provided me with basic education about learning how to ride a bike. Ali supported me with the watchful and encouraging eye and heart of a physical therapist. One of the staff members from AccesSportAmerica took this video.

There was a woman with a Spaulding ID badge watching us. She beamed and smiled; her eyes lit up as she nodded acknowledging what I was doing. The wound of being left in the dust while all of my friends ran off and played riding their bikes, and being jeered, teased and taunted was healed. I felt whole and perfect; strong and courageous and beautiful at 60 years old. There is powerful medicine through the eyes of compassion and support and encouragement that come from understanding hearts grounded in knowledge. And there is powerful medicine in bike riding. As an added bonus, my hips are stronger and more open, my quads are stronger and my knees feel amazing. I feel more connections flowing from my spinal cord to my lower body and know that I nourished new neuromuscular connections throughout yesterday's adventure.

Ali and Nate offered to continue working with me, but I could feel my body was fatigued and my neuromuscular system had tapped out from all the wonderful stimulation I provided today with these amazing new experiences. Since I am just back to running and training for Tufts, I am going to use the recumbent bike next week and put off learning how to ride a two wheeler - for now.

But look out world. It's on my bucket list for next year. And speaking of bucket lists which I didn't know I had until now, they have winter adaptive sports where they go skiing on the weekends. Stay tuned.....

On September 21, join Spaulding Rehab Hospital to celebrate and raise money for the Charles Weingarten Adaptive Sports Program at their Annual Set Sail Event. A portion of the money raised will be used to purchase another top of the line recumbent bike to give others the feeling of freedom and ability that I experienced (and will continue to experience) for years to come.

Spaulding has been a part of my healing journey since October of 2006. I am so blessed that with their love, support, skill and care, I have been able to find higher and higher ground in my journey of rehabilitation. Yesterday I soared to new heights with my first bike ride and my first bike riding lesson.

Rarely does the path to recovery follow a straight line
Like a tidal stream, it bends and twists
It surges and trickles
It ebbs and flows.
That is why rehabilitative care must be fluid too.
Spaulding takes an approach to patient care that is flexible, highly personal and informed by a deep understanding that while every patient strives to reach higher ground, no two rehabilitative journeys are ever alike.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I never learned to ride a bike....

but tomorrow at 1:30 pm, I am going to the Weingarten Adaptive Sports Program at Spaulding Rehab Hospital to cycle outdoors.

I remember the sadness and frustration at watching my brother and all the neighborhood kids riding effortlessly through the neighborhood in Westchester, New York. I had a stationery bike that I used for therapy to help me gain strength and mobility after contracting paralytic polio at the age of 5. From the sidewalk in front of our garden apartment, I could watch them ride up and down Oregon Avenue ignoring me as though I didn't even exist. I knew what I had to do to recover and even then I was fierce in my own way.

As I wrote in my poem "Running the Race" shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome.

Called one of the lucky ones, I had a mild case
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace....

I wonder how many of those neighborhood kids who left me in the dust went on to run the Boston Marathon .... just sayin'!

Through the Aquatics program at Spaulding, I have been able to build strength in mind, body and Spirit. I decided to take the plunge so to speak and try something new to challenge myself. I am finding a new sense of confidence in my mind/body. Although along with this sense of confidence that propels me forward to try something new, a part of me is anxious.

I hear my younger self asking all sorts of questions and feeling butterflies as I embark on this adventure. I speak lovingly and with compassion to her letting her know that yes all of that happened. It was painful. Sad. Scary.

And as those emotions move through me, in their wake, I feel that wonderful excitement stirring in my soul. The joy of freedom. Feeling deeply grateful that I have access to the Weingarten Adaptive Sports program where trained therapists will be there to provide support and guidance. The beautiful setting of the Spaulding Campus in the Charlestown Navy Yard.

So even though I never learned to ride a bike, at 60 years old, I'm going to be going for my first bike ride!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

"The desire to run...

".....comes from deep within us - from the unconscious, the instinctive, the intuitive." ~George Sheehan, MD

Following numerous orthopedic leg surgeries, I would be in an immobilizer and crutches. As I hobbled around watching runners train for the Boston Marathon, I would joke, "Oh I'm not gonna run it this year."

Even though I had never run a day in my life; never even owned a pair of running shoes and was taunted and teased whenever I did try to run in gym class, as a survivor of paralytic polio, there was a runner inside of me just waiting to be born.

And as I sat in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility feeling just about the worst I ever felt in my life having been diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease, I wrote the poem

Running the Race February 2007

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
with no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.

But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.

But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.
Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
suffered in silence, isolated from friends-t
rying to keep depression at bay.

And with the grace of glorious God
my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.

Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

And a year later, as my personal trainer asked me what my next goals were I rattled off, "I want to go outside. I want to dance. I want to feel free in my body." And as she had all of her things packed up with her hand on the door knob (she was an in home personal trainer), I said those words that came from deep within me bypassing any thought process whatsoever, "Wait...I have one more goal. I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding. I know they have a charity team."

After my nephew's suicide in 2011, I forgot the truth about running and set off on this detour to try to fix my polio body from the outside in through the work of KMI Structural Integration.

I was running just fine but they convinced me otherwise. And sure I did need healing and I needed to build strength but the kind of yoga they offered and KMI Structural Integration were not healing for me.

Every situation has a purpose and led me to where I am today.

I found my way to Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab which was just what I needed to find my strength and provides a perfect complement to my running. I am nourishing my neuromuscular system and making new connections and building strength in a safe, fun and joyful space.

I found my way to a mind/body therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork where, in my most recent session, I discovered what I knew to be Truth all along. I am perfect just as I am.

Every time I am out on a run, I am reminded of the expansiveness of life. I connect with nature and know that this Universe is large enough to hold all the pain I have lived through. I no longer have to carry it inside of me but rather, am meant to live a life of peace and joy. I realize my inner strength that flows from the wellspring of perfection in me. Through running and through running a marathon, I discovered that I am strong enough to handle whatever life may bring. There was never anything wrong with me. There was never anything that needed to be fixed. I just went through a period of confusion induced by grief and reconnecting with the energy of my family of origin.

But now I'm back running, strength training feeling blessed and grateful. For as George Sheehan also said, 'The true runner is a very fortunate person. He has found something in him that is just perfect.'

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A Heart Filled With Gratitude - It Takes a Village

After having the best time on my training run for the Bill Rodgers 5K Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer, I felt something deep in my soul that told me the next step on my moving forward in my healing journey was to set a goal for a PR for the race.

My husband Tom was totally on board for the goal but told me, and I thoroughly agreed, that I needed to run from the inside out. He made sure that I got lots of rest, hydration and good fueling as the days led up to race day. He stayed with me, checked in with me and made sure that I was running from the inside out especially given how the day was quickly getting hot. He told me that he was glad to hear when I needed to slow down and yet after the race he told me that I didn't really slow down all that much. There were moments during the race when I really wanted to slow down but I told myself, come on you can do this. It's show time. It's race day. Let's see what this body can do. I could feel the presence of my personal trainer, Janine who believed in me before I could believe in myself and my beloved coach Domenick D'Amico who always believed that I could and would go the distance in the Boston Marathon.

Tom told me that if I would have barfed on the course it would have been game over. But I knew just how to take myself to the edge and back down. I left nothing on the roads and nothing in the tank though.

Tom drew an ice bath for me when we got home and made sure that even though my adrenaline was still pumping that I rest. He kept checking in with me to see how I was doing. After all, it had been almost 4 years since I pushed myself to a PR. I did have bronchial spasms but rather than see them as pathology, I used the analogy of blowing out the carburetor on your car with a fast drive on the highway. It felt good to clean out my lungs. And everything was and still is so sore yet nothing really hurt because I know I did right by me with the race I ran. I feel the strength of having worked my body hard.

In the days leading up to the race, I was having a conversation with the Universe, as Tom likes to say, in my blog and on Facebook.

It was "only a 5K" yet so many of my friends understood what a PR meant to me after all of my hard work and dedication to reclaiming my body and my life in this most recent part of my healing journey. I am so grateful for the Facebook posts cheering me on in cyberspace. I carried the energy and intention with me on race day.

I had never met Kathleen Healy Fencil in person. We met through our mutual inspirational friend Randy Pierce on Facebook. She was moved and inspired by my story. I am moved by hers. She started running at 66 years old and 3 years later, at the age of 69 will run her first half marathon at the end of September. When she saw volunteers were needed for the race, she signed up. She found me before the race through my daughter Ruth Anne who was also volunteering. She snapped photos and offered words of encouragement as we came down Chestnut Hill Avenue. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was snapping photos of Tom and me coming into the finish. She continued to share in the after glow of my PR on facebook and shared my posts with her circle of friends.

The village grows.

The volunteers out on the course were amazing! Kathleen's husband, Tom, was at the timer for the 1 mile marker. My Tom had not realized that we had met before the race. When we saw the time at 14:33 we were both amazed. He told Tom what an incredible time that was for me especially since I am a survivor of polio. Tom gave us the warmest smile telling us he knew and sent us on our way.

So often as a back of the pack runner, volunteers at a water stop are getting ready to pack up by the time we arrive. Not in this race and not these volunteers. The water stop was in high gear; a welcome sight as the day was getting hot. Tom told them that I am a polio survivor. My hands shook as I drank the water; a sign that my system was being challenged - no big deal and they offered me more water and wished me good luck on the rest of my race. I dumped a cup of water over my head and we went on to tackle the hill. They were fully present to support the runners and I thanked them for being there.

I was so blessed to have the love and support of Alain, the Race Director. His cheering me on joined with my energy to dig deep and meet my goal. Yet even if I hadn't reached my goal on Sunday, he expressed deep love and respect for me for even taking on the challenge that does not change with the turnover of the clock. Those moments of when he came out on his bike to find us on the course and cheer me on the finish will forever remain in my heart.

And how amazing to be at the starting line with Bill Rodgers, four time Boston Marathon champion, a survivor of prostate cancer and one who took the road less traveled as a conscientious objector. Because it was a small field, there was no seeding. This was one of the very few races that I was able to be in the front of the pack at the start surrounded by fast runners.

For the past year, I have been so fortunate to participate in Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab. Under the guidance of wonderful therapists, I build core strength and endurance.

What a blessing to have found my way to a massage therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork who uses the healing power of touch to help me heal mind, body and Spirit. I was able to set the intention for joy and lightness as I ran feeling a sense of freedom and strength that comes to the fore through the mind/body therapy sessions.

Even though it was ultimately just me and the road, and a PR was mine alone to achieve, the collective energy of the village - the helpers seen and unseen took me over the finish line with a miraculous time of 46:53.

My heart is full of gratitude to everyone who put out their energy, their support and the gift of their presence to help me reach my goal and move forward in my healing journey. It takes a loving, caring, supportive village to carry us toward our goals of being the best we can be and to be there when we fall short of our goals; to be there to join in the joyous celebrations and to tend to our wounds when we are hurt. I am so lucky and blessed to have found my way to this village. And one final thank you - to those who provided post race food and water. Thank you for being there with wonderful refreshment and for letting me use your bucket of ice on my legs and dumping it on my head to cool down after my race.

"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Find Your Aquatics Strength - Don't Mind If I Do - Jumping for Joy

It's been almost a year since I began Aquatics Therapy community classes at Spaulding Rehab Hospital. It has been a game changer in my healing journey with the late effects of paralytic polio and being a survivor of 9 years of violence as a child.

Last night, our therapist kicked it up a notch for those of us who were ready. We started with a few laps of running to warm up but not just any kind of running. High knees, bum kicks and side shuffle. Those contralateral moves are still a challenge for me but I focus on the strength I AM building rather than the weakness I have yet to overcome. It's all about perspective and mindset.

Lower body strength training was up next. I remember when I'd use therabands and thought to myself how grateful I am for the pool at Spaulding and really tightening and using those muscles per my therapist's cues.

Next up, our therapist having us do a new core strengthening exercise in the deep end. It was a very humbling experience yet a challenge that I thoroughly embraced. After we finished the exercises, I noticed that my running in the pool was so much easier. My therapist smiled when I shared this observation with her.

Did you know you can sweat in a pool? You can when you are doing aqua jogging for 5 minutes non stop while holding down two dumb bells by your side. I asked our therapist how long we were jogging for and she said 5 minutes; I usually have you do 3 1/2. We smiled again.

Time for the circuit where we go from doing 40 to 30 to 20 to 15 to 10 to 5 of a circuit of cardio exercises. Tonight's menu consisted of jumping jacks, jump tucks, scissor switch of legs and arms and side to side jumps. Jump tucks have always been a challenge for me. Last night something clicked and I could feel the spring in my jump and a new neuromuscular connection. I found myself jumping for joy.

Knowing today and tomorrow are rest days, I gave it my all feeling a new fierceness and determination deep within.

Finding my aquatics strength yes please and thank you. Don't mind if I do.

"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Spaulding Rehab Aquatics: A Magical Meeting and Using Your Noodle

Tom and I sat outside on the beautiful patio overlooking Boston Harbor before Spaulding Rehab Aquatics Therapy class. A woman wearing a Falmouth Road Race volunteer t shirt comes wheeling by us announcing, "This is the first day I've been able to do this by myself. God is so good." She opened her arms to the sunlit sky. She shared with us her story of two knee replacements that resulted in severe infections that led to an above the knee amputation. She has been in and out of the hospital and rehab for the past year. She told us she has her pity party time but that she knows how lucky she is. I gave her my business card and hope she gets in touch with me. She is a warrior in every sense of the word. What a magical moment to meet her after writing my blog yesterday about being thankful and taking nothing for granted. We exchanged hugs as she went on her way, the embodiment of faith, gratitude and spreading a message of healing, hope and possibility despite all appearances. She sees a world filled with possibility for competing in hand cycling events and adaptive sports through Spaulding. She is even considering running once she is able to wear a high tech prosthetic leg which is the goal for her. I told her how I lost use of my right arm for 6 months after a staph infection. I told her it's a lot of hard work as she knows but you can regain muscle strength. I told her about my 2009 Boston Marathon run.

What a blessing that Tom and I could share the class together. He was able to get in a good cross training workout in preparation for tomorrow's Marathon Sports 5 Miler. I continued to work to build strength and I dedicated my workout to the woman we met who was wheeling her way around the Spaulding campus celebrating her life and her freedom.

It was a small class. Our therapist led us through an intense cardio workoout. I could feel her energy and intention for each of us to find our strength. I challenged myself by going into the deeper water. Tom told me after class he was amazed at my focus and dedication to building strength.

It's not all work and no play though. Our therapist suggested that, after we balanced and walked on the noodle in the shallow end of the pool

that we attempt standing on the noodle and then, with legs together, pump the noodle up and down.

It was a delightful challenge that resulted in experiencing a sense of play as I'd lose my balance, have my noodle pop up to the surface and I'd go under water.

It's so wonderful to be able to challenge myself in a safe, aquatic environment and to unleash a sense of play and freedom. I was able to find my balance and do 5 leg push ups. Now that's what I call using your noodle! I wanted to keep trying it over and over again but it was time to cool down and stretch.

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog post, there are times that I have a pity party. Sometimes it is so difficult to live with the late effects of paralytic polio and yet it is my path and one I wouldn't (or couldn't) trade for the world. I wouldn't have the opportunity to meet the most amazing, magical, inspiring people that I get to meet on this journey.

Everyday I give thanks that Spaulding Rehab is a part of my journey that takes me to higher and higher ground in my healing.

To read more about my journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006 at Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio ----

"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Be Thankful - Take Nothing for Granted

Shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I realized that I was at a crossroads in my life. Would I continue to live my life as a hamster in a wheel, trying to get through each day, feeling betrayed by my body and just waiting for it all to end OR would I begin to see my life, my challenges as gifts and be grateful.

It wasn't easy to make the shift and I still have my days where sadness flows as I realize what happened to me.

Once I shifted to feeling gratitude in my heart and seeing the challenges as blessings, my life began to change; my heart and body began to heal.

Gratitude is a part of my daily meditation. Sometimes I allow myself to have a good old fashioned pity party and then my heart, soul and mind shift to focusing on ALL I have to be grateful for. I am grateful for meditation that keeps bringing me back to the moment, to understand what keeps me from choosing love and move on to practice loving kindness and compassion for myself and sending it out into the world so desperately in need of healing.

One of the things I am especially grateful for is that I take nothing for granted. Something as simple as putting on my shorts or a pair of pants takes mindfulness as I challenge myself to move out of the habitual ways of doing things that result in overuse, injury and imbalance. I feel a sense of joy and gratitude when I am able to accomplish this seemingly simple feat.

This staycation time with my husband has been precious. I enjoy and savor each moment we have together. Sometimes it's time spent in meditation or reading; cleaning up the yard together or even being together as we put out the trash and recycling which is usually a hurried activity the night before trash day. While we are in our early 60's and despite living with PPS, we are in excellent health, I know that life can change on a dime.

I know how lucky I am to be able to run! Every time I get out there I feel gratitude rush through me. Whether the run is a PR kind of run or one that I slog through to get in the miles, I appreciate the freedom, the health and well being that enables me to continue to run. I am blessed by the running community that embraces me and that I have a partner who goes out with me to train for the Tufts 10K.

I am blessed with healing resources. The Aquatics Therapy classes at Spaulding Rehab has been a game changer in my healing journey. It's been almost a year now since I started the program. I am building strength, balance, coordination and confidence. Part of my confidence is that no matter what may happen, I will always be led to exactly what I need when I need it.

On March 20, I walked through the doors of Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. The 90 minutes of weekly massage therapy that incorporates Zero Balancing into the work is supporting my intention to heal and recover from paralytic polio and violence; intentions I first set forth in my poetry.

How amazing that as I sat in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility and feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life that the gift of poetry blossomed in my soul. My pen continues to become my divining rod for healing, joy and allowing gratitude to flow.

I have a beautiful, loving, supportive group of friends on Facebook and IRL or in real life as the kids like to say. I scroll through my Facebook feed and see posts about gratitude, the joy of children; inspirational quotes and inspirational stories abound.

I am blessed that I have survived - and now thrive living as full and vibrant a life as I possibly can. I am thankful and I take nothing for granted.

To read more about my journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006 ----

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Joy of a Staycation: Simple Pleasures

There's something wonderful about feeling the anticipation of a vacation. Packing the bags and heading off for a change of scenery. But for me, there is also something wonderful about creating a vacation from our very own home.

Yesterday, Tom and I spent the day working in the yard. I do have to be mindful about how much and what I do. With him to do the heavy lifting so to speak, I could thoroughly enjoy dirt therapy with him. We worked together as a wonderful team finally having the expanse of time to work in our yard without the pressure of him returning to work today and needing to get other chores done.

This morning we slept in until about 7:30. We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast together in our beautiful clean yard and then headed out together for a 3.1 mile run. Tom is going to do more yard work this afternoon. It's so wonderful to feel his energy at home taking care of our home.

We've lived here for 18 years. There was so much work each of us was doing first in raising our children, then in careers, and then in my healing journey that it seems as though this is the first time we can settle into our homestead and thoroughly enjoy a staycation.

It's the simple pleasures of sharing meals together, taking care of the yard and our beautiful greenery, sitting and reading together, relaxing after runs and having time to be.

Tomorrow and Wednesday, Tom is going to join me for Aquatics Therapy classes at Spaulding. It will be great cross training for him and it will be a joy to share in the classes with him as we did before his work schedule changed. We'll pack up the car complete with a good old fashioned picnic lunch and after Aquatics tomorrow we are going to head straight to Nantasket Beach for the day. I cannot remember the last time we went to Nantasket. Bea D'Angelo, a member of L Street Running Club is the owner of The Red Parrot where we will dine at the end of our day long getaway.

On Thursday, Tom runs the Marathon Sports 5 Miler. Even though the forecast isn't looking good, nothing can dampen our spirits when we get together with our Marathon Sports family.

As of now, we have no plans for Friday.

And that's the joy of a staycation. The simple pleasures of being together, feeling contented and celebrating the warmth and love of our home and a time to Be.

Be

Be optimistic
believe
and leave behind the lies of anything that is not love.
Tune out voices of hate
darkness
tune into light
feel light
be light hearted
though at times
sorrow in the world
weighs heavy on the heart.

Choose perspective
undeterred
hold onto hope
believe in miracles

Be fearless in
Being
You

"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Purpose - On Poetry, Passion and Hope

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
I had never felt a connection to my body before. It was a strange experience yet one that I hungered for. I wanted to find my way home and Allison was my first tour guide providing the map I needed to reconnect with myself.

The first day I walked into the outpatient gym and saw all of the equipment and machines I thought to myself, I’m going to be able to do this. I can get stronger. I can reconnect with my body. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was going to take time and I had to be extremely patient with myself. Allison’s passion for the work and belief in the process was infectious. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to live in my body. I wanted to feel whole. Three times a week we worked together using what I now know was Pilates, isometrics, weight training and cardiovascular exercise to begin to bring my body out of its withered state.

I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote the poem, "Running the Race."

Poems about wholeness, gratitude, feeling free in my body and healing began flowing out of me. My pen became my diving rod for healing. I continue to write poetry and as Spirit moves me will post them on Facebook. My most recent poems will be incorporated into my next book, "Journey Well." It seems that there is at least one person who thanks me for my poem saying it was exactly what they needed to hear. Purpose ....

I used to try to find my purpose after leaving my award winning career at the VA with a very heavy heart. I realized that I can't find my purpose. The Universe presents me with wonderful opportunities to use my passion and talents for the higher good. I am better able to discern these opportunities and to seize the ones that bring me joy and make my heart sing. Purpose....

Last night after Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab, one of the women mentioned in the locker room that she felt very frustrated in the class. "You seemed to know what you are doing and you do it with such ease," she said to me. I smiled. I told her that appearances are very deceiving and while some of the exercises are easier for me than others, I have to work hard in the water to create new neuromuscular conditions and build strength. I shared my journey with her. Her eyes welled with tears. "Well ... you gave me hope. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your story today. I'll be back next week." Purpose....

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I asked my father why we are here. It was a rare moment with him when he was sober. He said that he didn't have an answer but he liked to believe that if we touch the life of at least one other person while we are here, then we can say our life is a success. Purpose ....

"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"One cannot fly into flying...."

Sometimes I get really impatient with myself. Just like I wanted to take off after the runner who said on your left during our training run on Saturday, a part of me wants to be able to run faster, longer, be stronger than where I am now.

And then I pause. I take a deep breath. I realize that there is SO much to be grateful for right here now.

I have four limbs that all work. I have my sight, my vision, my hearing. I am blessed to live in a beautiful neighborhood and have the time, the money and the resources to heal the effects of paralytic polio and violence. I am surrounded by people who love and respect me as I am. I am able to enjoy and appreciate my life.

I realize when I feel impatient about where I am, a part of me wants to deny what happened to me. I become like a dog with a bone growling and wrestling with this imaginary foe.

I'm exactly where I need to be. Otherwise - I wouldn't be here.

And how amazing to be here. I use 5 pound ankle weights during my Aquatics Therapy class on Tuesday morning. This morning I challenged myself with squats by going into deeper water. I had to move back into the more shallow water for upper body strength training. I remember when I couldn't even do a squat without having my back to the wall. I have come so far with balance, strength and endurance since last August when I first started Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding.

And there is no evidence of progression of the late effects of having contracted paralytic polio.

Quite the contrary. I run a 5K distance on Mondays and a 10K distance on Saturdays. I've run in a few races and have the Bill Rodgers 5K in August, the Spectacle Island Run in September and the Tufts 10K in October. What joy I experience when I volunteer or spectate at a race or get to hang out with my runner friends.

I'm finding my way back to myself feeling a sense of peace and acceptance with exactly where I am.

And there are moments when I'm out there running, playing with the waves and swimming in the ocean or taking a few laps in the Spaulding Pool that I'm flying and free.

My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Healing, Hope and Possibility