Come Out and Play - Summer Rain

There is magic in the rain. Shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006 I had a dream. I took off my brace and went outside and danced barefoot in the rain a la Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain. When I awoke, I wrote the poem:


Come Out And Play
Arms flung open wide, dancing in the rain
Pure abiding joy to feel alive again.
Healing tears fall and blend in God's puddle
No time to sit in a corner and huddle.
All the old rules driven by fears
Washed away now by God's loving tears
The imprint Dad left no longer remains
Rain washes away all of the stains.
Baptized with Love, Truth lights my way
The sun shines through on this rainy day.
Splashing and laughing, my heart opens wide
Embracing and flowing, I'm one with the tide.
God takes my hand - release the old way
BATHE IN MY GLORY-COME OUT AND PLAY!



Last night my system worked through and released long held memories in my body. I breathed. I meditated. I reminded myself that they are only feelings and will pass. I affirmed that I am healing. I poured sweat and felt nauseous. I held steady and fell back to sleep but when I woke up at around 6:30 after Tom returned from his run, I felt tired.

I was going to stay in bed but then reminded myself of my new healing mantra, "I have all the energy I need to do what it is I choose and want to do." I meditated a little longer and had breakfast with Tom.

The skies got darker and the rain started to fall. The forecast was for rain all day today so I decided it was better to get out now and get my run in since I was up and had fueled for my run. There was a strong pull to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head but I knew that would not serve me.

One lap around the Reservoir. It was drizzling. Great I thought to myself. I'll be able to get this in no problem.

The sky grew darker, the rains intensified. I picked up my pace.

A bolt of lightning. A clap of thunder. More lightning and thumder boomers.

I was halfway around my 2nd lap. Open water. Trees. Me being soaked from head to feet. Lightning. Not a great combination. However, it was a great pacer.

I took a shortcut up the steep hill and arrived safely home completing about 2.5 miles with a negative 1'1" split for the second mile.

I felt a sense of joy and laughter soaking in the moments of running in the thunderstorm feeling One with all that is. I had on a racer back top and shorts. I was baptized with new life. I felt energized and renewed.

The skies opened and became dark and angry and then just as quickly as the storm moved in, it passed and the sun came out.

I went out and ran one more mile to complete my miles for the day.

Even though my body felt sluggish and hungover from last night's working through of whatever needed to be released, I didn't let that stop me from going out and playing in the summer rain. And now I can bask in the glorious sunshine and crystal clear blue skies being serenaded by the birds who are also celebrating the passing of the storm.






"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Purpose - On Poetry, Passion and Hope

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
I had never felt a connection to my body before. It was a strange experience yet one that I hungered for. I wanted to find my way home and Allison was my first tour guide providing the map I needed to reconnect with myself.

The first day I walked into the outpatient gym and saw all of the equipment and machines I thought to myself, I’m going to be able to do this. I can get stronger. I can reconnect with my body. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was going to take time and I had to be extremely patient with myself. Allison’s passion for the work and belief in the process was infectious. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to live in my body. I wanted to feel whole. Three times a week we worked together using what I now know was Pilates, isometrics, weight training and cardiovascular exercise to begin to bring my body out of its withered state.

I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote the poem, "Running the Race."

Poems about wholeness, gratitude, feeling free in my body and healing began flowing out of me. My pen became my diving rod for healing. I continue to write poetry and as Spirit moves me will post them on Facebook. My most recent poems will be incorporated into my next book, "Journey Well." It seems that there is at least one person who thanks me for my poem saying it was exactly what they needed to hear. Purpose ....

I used to try to find my purpose after leaving my award winning career at the VA with a very heavy heart. I realized that I can't find my purpose. The Universe presents me with wonderful opportunities to use my passion and talents for the higher good. I am better able to discern these opportunities and to seize the ones that bring me joy and make my heart sing. Purpose....

Last night after Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab, one of the women mentioned in the locker room that she felt very frustrated in the class. "You seemed to know what you are doing and you do it with such ease," she said to me. I smiled. I told her that appearances are very deceiving and while some of the exercises are easier for me than others, I have to work hard in the water to create new neuromuscular conditions and build strength. I shared my journey with her. Her eyes welled with tears. "Well ... you gave me hope. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your story today. I'll be back next week." Purpose....

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I asked my father why we are here. It was a rare moment with him when he was sober. He said that he didn't have an answer but he liked to believe that if we touch the life of at least one other person while we are here, then we can say our life is a success. Purpose ....





"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

The Art of the Present Moment-The Masterpiece of My Life

I meditated for an hour this morning reflecting on different feelings in my body and in my heart. The pelting rain and winds were the soundtrack for my meditation. Part of me wondered how we were ever going to get in our training run today. I couldn't believe that given the current weather conditions, the skies could clear. The forecast was for clearing by 10 am though. I imagined that the forecasters were going to say that Hurricane Arthur stalled over New England and we would not get the clearing as previously forecasted.

I planned out a route that would keep us close to home and then went back to listening to my body.

I attended to feelings and thoughts from the past as they arose and then receded much like the waves of the ocean.

I remembered when I was a sweet ballerina with long shiny hair. I could feel the one, two, three punch of contracting paralytic polio. I was paralyzed. My mother and grandmother's cruelty is best symbolized by them carting me off to the hairdresser to have my hair cut into a pixie hair cut once I was able to leave the house, Three years later, and for the next 9 years I became the target of family violence.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I have been on a 7 and a half year healing odyssey. Through writing poetry, I imagined feeling beautiful, free and whole in my body. I visualized running a race. I had dreams of coming out of my leg brace and dancing in the rain. I held onto hope and never gave up.

On March 20th, I was blessed to find my way to a massage therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. The rhythm of his hands create new muscle memory; the intention of his heart joins my intention to heal and Zero Balancing, a mind/body therapy has been helping me to transform the energy of violence and trauma that was in my bones.

But in my recent session, I realized that the energy of violence and trauma did not originate with me. I don't have a cruel bone in my body yet I lived under the weight of their projections onto me believing what they said.

And just as somewhere I held onto faith that the skies would in fact clear today (which they did and it turned into one of our most glorious New England Summer days), I have held onto hope that I would find peace and acceptance with all that is and all that happened to me.

After I finished my meditation, I wrote this poem:

The Art of Being Present
Each moment is a blank canvas
smudges and splotches only in mind's eye
raindrops from the heart
wash away the past.
Each moment is an opportunity
overflowing with possibility.

How shall I paint this moment?

My portrait once a still life
now
in stillness
life force leaps
dancer
lover of life
a geyser of joy
a river of happiness
gratitude flows
fragrant flowers sweetness
strong roots
lit with softness of sun's tender embrace
back from the edge
the ledge between life and death
creating the masterpiece of my life
one breath at a time.

Grandma Moses started painting at age 70. At 60, I am painting the masterpiece of my life.



My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Happy National Running Day!

Today I celebrate National Running Day! I woke up this morning to tweets and facebook posts feeling the joy and celebration that runs deep in the fiber of the running community.

Everyone runs for different reasons. Everyone has their own journey.

Mine began with the writing of a poem, "Running the Race." In December of 2006 I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. At that time, and in that poem, running became a metaphor for my life. Although I was in a leg brace and used a wheelchair at times for mobility facing a rather grim and uncertain future by all appearances, in my mind's eye I focused on winning a 10K race. I talked about being off of the sidelines and joining the human race having felt like an outcast because I was a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma. I imagined myself exceeding all expectations and that I now set the pace. Gratitude filled my heart even though I was told that I had to quit my job, adapt my home and prepare for a future in a wheelchair.

A shift happened within me from just thinking about and imagining myself running.

In February of 2008, my personal trainer asked me what my next goals were for my health and fitness journey. Oh I want to go outside and walk, I want to dance, I want to feel free in my body.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" (now available on Amazon with 50% of royalty payment proceeds being donated to The One Fund)

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

While training for the 2009 Boston Marathon, I watched the 2008 Summer Olympics with a keen eye on the marathon event.

I wrote poetry to harness the power of visualization and to affirm my commitment to crossing the finish line.

I had one image that is still with me today from "Running with God" an article I wrote for Cape Healing Arts after running the 2008 Tufts 10K:

I had an image of my polio self and who I am today side by side in a huge bubble. As I ran, the distance lengthened between my polio self and who I am today until the bubble finally burst and I was free.

And speaking of God ....

When I run, I am grounded, strong and connected to the energy of the Earth. I also feel a connection to something far greater than me. I feel an expansiveness in my heart and in my soul. The Divine Energy of light, of love, of creation is palpable when I run. I feel a sense of joy even in the most challenging of runs. I find myself. Every time I go out on a run, I feel I find my way home to the essence of who I am. In "Running the Race" I wrote, "for the first time in life, I could truly be me."

Perhaps Dr. George Sheehan said it best when he wrote:

"The true runner is a very fortunate person. He has found something in him that is just perfect."

Happy National Running Day everyone!

Resulted in joy to realize, I could live life anew....

Celebrated my body, creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

That's an excerpt from Running the Race, the first poem I wrote that opened the door to the possibility for healing my body, mind and Spirit after having been diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. I had felt joy just for a moment when I wrote those words but I imagined a time of being able to truly experience joy in my life.

I have been going for massage sessions at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. My therapist incorporates Zero Balancing into the work we do. In one session, I experienced a sense of joy in all that I have lived through as the work helped me to tap into my beauty, my strength and my Spirit. It was the first time I felt a deep appreciation for the beautiful tapestry of my life. I felt an inner smile that manifested in a smile on my face.

In last Thursday's session, I experienced a powerful wave of terror in my body that I wrote about in "A Conversation With My 5 Year Old Self". Intense tremors followed. My therapist continued the work and even though I had experienced the flashback and my body was expressing the terror through my nervous system, I felt this sense of joy to realize that I can live life anew.

The moments of terror pass. My body becomes quiet again. There was one moment in the session when the baseline tremors that I experience completely stopped. I felt this sense of complete relaxation and peace. In a recent meditation I was able to discern how, on a subtle level, I was living my life still fighting for my life. It's safe to let go now. My body is healing; my heart is full of gratitude and joy.

I would often focus on my struggles as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma but now I see them as challenges; challenges that I have the opportunity to experience and move through.

I experience greater compassion and love for myself accepting all that is exactly as it is. I feel a wellspring of joy to realize that every day, every moment really I can live life anew. The fatigue, the waves of anxiety, the heartache and sorrow, the anger, the pain, the nightmares pass. It's not about changing them or stopping them but allowing everything to be as it is in any moment. I'm discovering that what remains is joy to realize that I am fully alive!

This morning in Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab, I decided to see if I was ready for 5 pound ankle weights. Last week, even though I was in the deeper water, I did not feel challenged with the 3.5 pound ankle weights. As soon as I walked into the deeper water, I realized I needed to work in the shallow water again. I could feel the challenge and the burn. I smiled and felt the joy to realize I can live life anew and see what my body is capable of achieving. Now.

I know probably more than most people, that life can change on a dime. All we have is now. And somehow, through it all there is a river that comes from the wellspring of my Spirit that allows gratitude and joy to flow and I blossom in its wake.

I saw this quote on Twitter this morning; a reminder from the Universe that I/we all have the power to heal. The challenges themselves remain but the healing comes in our ability to bring a healing attitude to those challenges and to be open to possibility - and joy to realize that we can live life anew!

True healers know that wellness is the order of the day, so they do not allow themselves, even for a moment, to see anything other than that. So, the power of the healer is in the power to influence the one who needs to be healed into a vibration that allows the healing that they are summoning. (that they could get, even without the healer, but they can get faster with a healer's influence) -~Abraham

Happy To Be Alive

Face to face with death at knife point
cold darkened eyes stare into mine
unflinching I stare back
afraid to move a muscle
already dead.
Life force safely tucked away
unknowing the outcome of this untimely encounter with death
at the hands of a madman
reasoning destroyed by gin and vermouth.
Angels intervene
he finds peace in death
I am left to put the pieces of my life back together again.
As numbness gives way to pain
pain gives way to gratitude
appreciation for this wondrous wonder filled life
where nothing makes sense and everything makes sense
purpose out of pain
grace in ungodly moments
surrounded by love
happy so happy to be alive
to tell the tale of one who almost died.

My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

The Gift of Running

"I learned that the only requirement to be part of this wonderful group was to run. I didn't have to be fast. I didn't have to be great. I just had to run. And that's when running became not just something that I do but something that is a part of who I am." - John Bingham

A little over 7 years ago, as I sat in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility, I wrote the poem called "Running the Race." I intrigued myself after I wrote the line, "while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race."

Running? Mary McManus? aka "Easy Out Alper" - um a rather unlikely combination to say the least.

But not impossible despite all appearances to the contrary.

After intensive, extensive outpatient rehab through Spaulding Rehab, writing poems visualizing myself as healthy, whole and free in my body, quitting my stressful job as a VA social worker, and then hiring a personal trainer, I felt this urge inside of me. From my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" available on Amazon


At my six-month evaluation in February, I had dramatically improved in every area of the assessment. I had come out of my leg brace and I knew that I was on a healing path. Janine asked me what my next health and fitness goals were.
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

And run I did crossing the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon


It's been a healing odyssey filled with ups and downs. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it back to running and a state of health after my nephew's suicide in 2011.

After last year's Boston Marathon, I knew I needed to return to running and the running community.

I started from the beginning building up mileage, running a few 5K's and building strength in the Aquatics Therapy program at Spaulding Rehab.

And I decided I would run the Tufts 10K this year. I was up to 5 miles in my distance again.

The other day I realized - it's more than the miles. It's more than the time.

I felt something shift inside of me. I felt what a gift it is to run. The gift of running is the ability to live fully in the present moment.

And I began to challenge myself; to train in earnest and be fully present. I used strategies that every good coach uses. Focus on your breathing. Feel your footsteps. Let's see if you can pick up the pace. Make it to that house up ahead; to that Stop sign.

I took in the beauty of the scene and feeling a unity, a harmony, a wholeness in the midst of it all. I ended up doing a negative split of .50 seconds between mile 2 and 3 with an average page of 15:33 for that last mile. The time on my Nike+ isn't what ultimately mattered.

Somehow, on that run, and somehow during these past 7 years, I came to the realization that running is now a part of who I am. It is a gift and one that I am grateful for every time I lace up my running shoes and go out for a run. It is a gift that keeps on giving me health and the best friends in the running community. It's a gift that keeps me present feeling fully alive in the moment regardless of the challenge.

And if the time comes when in my physical form I am no longer able to run, running will always be a part of who I am and all that I have learned and become through running shall remain forever.

#MondayMotivation

Seven years ago today, I sat in my sparsely decorated office at the VA Outpatient Clinic at 251 Causeway Street poised to leave behind my 25 year social work career having spent almost 20 of them with the VA serving those who served. I brought home my books, photos, inspirational sayings, my lamp, my awards and left the bare minimum I would need until I officially "cleared out" on Friday 5/25/07.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" now available on Amazon --

This is the conversation Dr. Darren Rosenberg had with me during my initial assessment, October 2006, at Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio:

“I’m going to make a lot of suggestions for you. It’s up to you whether or not you follow my recommendations. I know this is a lot for you to digest but let’s begin. I am working on the assumption that we are dealing with post polio syndrome since the symptoms you are exhibiting are classic for post polio syndrome.”

“You need to quit your job. You’re eligible for social security disability. The stress of your work is exacerbating the symptoms. I am going to refer you to brace clinic, our speech and language therapist who will do a swallow assessment and based on her findings we’ll see if you require an endoscopy. I highly recommend a sleep study because it is very common for post polio patients to experience sleep apnea. The chronic fatigue can be a result of sleep apnea. You need to see our physical therapist who will not only get you started on some gentle exercises but talk with you about nutrition. Our occupational therapist is going to work with you on energy conservation and while you remain at work, what adaptive equipment you need to diminish the stress on your body. You’ve already had an EMG…..”


I began planning my exit strategy in February of 2007 after the diagnosis of post polio syndrome was made in December.

While I was beginning to feel a little better with outpatient rehab and writing poetry as my pen became my divining rod for healing, I faced a tremendous amount of uncertainty with my health and my finances.

As I sat in my office, was I frightened? I was terrified but I had to choose faith over fear.

It's been 7 years of ups and downs and everything in between.

I saw this on Facebook this morning:



I hit a lot of sour notes on this journey and I greet them all with loving kindness and compassion.

I have met many, many people on this journey many of whom would be my greatest teachers for the toughest lessons I needed to learn in order to heal. I found the strength to say goodbye to those I needed to say goodbye to.

I found the courage to be who I really am, as I am and embrace those who love and support me and challenge me to my best and highest self.

I sit here smiling. I feel better today at 60 years old than I have in my entire life!

I am a 2009 Boston Marathon finisher, the author of 5 books of inspirational poetry and my memoir. I am writing a 6th book of inspirational poetry, "Journey Well" which will bring together the best poems from my trilogy of poetry books and my recent poetic creations.

I am back on the roads once again seeing what this body can do training for the Tufts 10K in October.

Friday I am blessed that Marathon Sports Brookline is hosting my Book Release Party for my memoir. It's going to be More Than a Book Release Party ...



And all of this happened and is happening because I had the courage and faith to take that first step on 5/25/2007 ....

What first step are you going to take today to step confidently in the direction of your dreams?

"Nature Triumphs!"

As I was booking our hotel stay for when my husband runs the Cape Cod Marathon in October, one of the hotels had this quote posted on their website:

When the snowdrops push their green spears through the earth, I know that Spring has arrived, and each year I think what a miracle it is.
No matter how long the winter, how hard the frost or how deep the snow, Nature triumphs. Sheila Pickles

Life gets messy. Life can get ugly and can be cold and dark and at times, seems unforgiving.

But what a miracle when we are able to push on and push through and allow our true nature to burst forth and blossom regardless of the circumstances of the winter of our life.

In the darkest days of the winter of 2007, shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I experienced difficulty with my voice and swallowing, fatigue, breathing and a whole host of symptoms that were a result of paralytic polio I contracted at age 5 and the severe trauma I experienced from the age of 8-17 when my father, after years of struggling with alcoholism and psychiatric illness, finally took his own life.

I occasionally wrote poetry to celebrate and commemorate special events, yet I never nurtured my creative side until my body basically shut down. It was the dark night of my soul. Yet just like the snowdrops that can blossom through the snow, poetry flowed out of me. I began to move out of the darkness of fear and feeling/living like a victim into the light of love, gratitude and believing in what was possible. I even visualized running although I was in a leg brace, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility. From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:

Running the Race

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

I sobbed to write those words. I had never spoken about polio or the abuse I endured. I became curious. Why am I writing about winning a 10K race?

Energy flows where intention goes and I was blessed to experience a profound transformation in my physical form. So much so that I went on to run the 2009 Boston Marathon!

Three years ago after my nephew's suicide, I almost lost myself again. I stopped running and went on a long and winding road to find my way back home to myself.

I gardened for the first time in my life the other day as I wrote about in my blog "Dirt Therapy". How wonderful to weed and prune and have it all carted away in the lawn and leaf bags on trash day. I have been weeding and pruning in my life.

I go for biweekly massage sessions at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork which incorporates Zero Balancing. I have been shaking off the past literally and metaphorically as my body works to relax, settle and reorganize itself. We release my body's powerful natural ability to heal and find its way into a more balanced structure.

I'm feeling more and more like the person I was always meant to be. I'm back to running and the running community. In my mind's eye, I want to run another half marathon but first I have to run the Tufts 10K in October and see how that goes. I know I can't push myself too far or too fast. I am enjoying the journey of building distance and flirting with speed work.

But however the changes may or may not manifest in my physicality, my sense of well being, ability to weather whatever storms may come my way, contentment with my life and joy in living is here and now.

And that is how we are meant to be when nature triumphs!


When we stand in our truth, speak from our heart and live as our highest selves, everything flows and we can, just by our very presence, create powerful change in the world. ~Mary McManus

#Transformation Tuesday

May 25th will mark 7 years since I left my award winning career as a VA social worker to "heal my life" and "follow my passion as a poet and writer."

I didn't really know what I was saying at the time. I put out an intention.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

I didn’t know what needed healing or how that healing would happen. I only knew that I needed time and space away from the stress of getting up at 5:30 every morning, commuting into Boston, taking care of veterans and their families as well as the people on my team, and my own family members. I hold myself responsible for my inability to set limits. I feel tremendous compassion for myself that I was like a hamster in a wheel and had no idea how to get off of it within the VA system. I know many of my colleagues resented me for how much work I did do. I was held up as the standard for social workers when it came to ‘my numbers’ and documentation. There is the middle way of being able to find balance and self care while providing outstanding care to veterans and their families but I was damned if I knew how to get there at that time.

I smile as I ponder how many reinventions I have experienced these past 7 years that were a part of my journey but no longer a part of my life now:
New World Greeting Cards - original poetry for every occasion - It's More Than a Card, It's a Gift From the Heart
Rotarian and the End Polio Now Campaign
Yoga Teacher Training, becoming a certified yoga teacher and even volunteering as a yoga teacher
Brookline Small Business Owners Association
Taking on a few geriatric clients for case management
Poetry readings at assisted living facilities and nursing homes
Helping to launch and market a few small businesses

But what is Truth and true for me always remains and I cherish
Running the 2009 Boston Marathon
Being a part of the running community as a runner, spectator and support crew
My gift of poetry and still creating original poems for friends' birthdays
Writing my next poetry book "Journey Well"
Blogging and social media
Writing my memoir and working on the sequel Coming Home: The Journey of Acceptance
Continuing to find my strength at Spaulding Rehab through their Aquatics Therapy Program and tending to my healing mind, body and Spirit.

I have been fierce about changing course when I realized something was not the right healing modality for me or an activity did not nourish my Spirit. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I recently pruned and weeded in my garden and in my life experiencing a wonderful blossoming of connections of like hearted people coming into my life.

And this is what I cherish most of all about having had the courage to take a leap of faith, leave my full time job at the VA and exploring, experimenting and finding my way on this long and winding road: the people I've met on this journey who chose a path of transformation and inspire others sending a message of what is possible when we set our hearts and minds on a goal and take action!

Here a few of my favs. Please take some time to check them out:

Randy Pierce 2020 Vision Quest
Rachel Weeks and The Imperfect Journey
John Young
Christa Avampato

For the first time in 7 years, I feel a sense of contentment. My soul no longer feels restless. I feel blessed by where I am in my life no longer striving or seeking. I feel transformed from a woman burdened by the ravages that paralytic polio and trauma took on me mind, body and spirit to a woman who feels whole and healing, strengthened by the challenges, feeling joy that I am here now.

Dr. Seuss and How I Came To Be a Runner and 2009 Boston Marathon Finisher

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein

Before the painful physical therapy sessions with my beloved physical therapist, Miss Holly, she had me choose a Dr. Seuss book to read together. During the sessions, she would recite The Cat in the Hat or "Grinchie" as I called him and would have me fill in the blanks to keep me distracted from the pain of the sessions that were necessary to help me regain mobility after contracting paralytic polio at age 5.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neurological disease in December of 2006, I faced a grim future to say the least and wasn't sure if I even had a future.

In February of 2007 during the darkest night of my soul and body, I sat down and prayed.

Here was my answer

Running the Race - Feb, 2007
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.
I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
with no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
suffered in silence, isolated from friends-trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.
Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

The healing cadence of Dr. Seuss returned to me only now I was the one holding the pen.

Soon poems filled with visions of dancing, feeling whole and healed, being grateful for all that was with no expectation of any particular outcome poured out of me.

And shortly after coming out of my toe up leg brace, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility, completing my course of outpatient therapy at Spaulding Rehab and hiring a personal trainer, I declared, (from my memoir, Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility available on Amazon


“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

During my training for the Boston Marathon, I wrote a series of 13 poems which harnessed the power of visualization to get me through those miles and to the finish line along with my personal trainer, phenomenal coach and having my husband and daughter by my side.

Even though I don't have another marathon to run, I feel so blessed and grateful to be a part of the vibrant and thriving running community in Boston. I'm training for the Tufts 10K which I have not run in 3 years. No matter what I am able to run and even when I wasn't able to run, my runner friends have always been there for me. I'm so grateful to Miss Holly for her wisdom to introduce me to the wisdom and healing cadence of Dr. Seuss that opened the door to my imagination to visualize myself running a race.

I feel my healthiest and happiest when I run!