Running Free

I tend to have vivid dreams that I can recall in the morning. They are a very important part of my healing journey. Many of them have not been pleasant to say the least but I know that the trauma dreams, as I like to call them (as opposed to nightmares) have been an important tool as I heal the effects of trauma and paralytic polio. It's exciting to experience the progression of healing through my dreams and then to experience the transformation in my life.

Last year I had several powerful dreams with my grandmother. In one, I show her that I have the ability to create an out of body experience to avoid her terror and in another dream, I felt utterly wretched for daring to stand up to her.

This morning I had an early morning dream. My mother and grandmother were standing there just as they looked in life. No more fear. No more terror. No confrontations. No need to dissociate and withdraw. I ran by them feeling strong, empowered and free.

I had no expectations for today's run. Wednesdays are usually an Aquatics Therapy day for me but with the holiday week, class was cancelled. I could have gone to the Boston University pool but the weather was so gorgeous outside that I didn't want to be indoors. I was thinking of combining a walk with a swim at Houghton's Pond or going to our local outdoor pool for a swim.

I opted for a 3.1 miler; twice around the Route 9 Reservoir and then to Dean Road. There is a huge hill on the loop back.

I was initially going to walk at a leisurely, comfortable pace as I had when we did my first 6.1 miler on Heartbreak Hill. I pushed my pace on Saturday's training run for the Tufts 10K and took 4 minutes off of my time. On Monday, my daughter and I did speed work.

I got up early feeling refreshed after a solid 10 hours of sleep to have breakfast with Tom before he left for work. We really value and treasure our time together now that we are both in our 60's. I am so grateful that he is willing and able to continue to work full time to support us financially.

I decided it was a perfect opportunity to get out and do an early run to try to beat the heat and humidity.

I was out the door by 8 am.

There was a breeze and shade when I started out. I wanted to make it a leisurely pace but something inside of me wanted to do more and so after a little warm up, I picked up the pace.

I did not have any time goal in mind and as the sun got hotter and the day more humid, I knew that I had to be careful with how I was running.

I stopped for water and walked at times.

It was me, my iPod and Nike+ along with the geese, ducks, squirrels and rabbits.

And I noticed there was something very different about this run.

I tried to figure it out. What was I feeling?

I was smiling. I was happy. I was pouring sweat. I was working hard. I was deeply connected to myself, to the moment, to my mission.

I know I have absolutely nothing to prove but I felt a need to push my pace. What was my mission anyway?

Was I feeling angry? Was I outrunning my past? Was I proving that I could overcome post polio syndrome?
The answer came back no to every question I asked.

And then it hit me. For the first time I wasn't breaking away or running away or proving them wrong ...

for the first time, I was me - running free!



And if you are curious about my time, it's the first consistent sub 16 minute/mile pace on a training run with a negative split of 32 seconds from mile 1 to mile 2 and a 16 second split from mile 1 to mile 3. It's my best training run time since I returned to the roads a little over a year ago now after a two year running hiatus. And to be able to do it in the heat and humidity is quite an accomplishment. But more important than any time on the clock, is how I felt inside, deep in my soul to experience my own sense of greatness that I never gave up. Somewhere deep inside of me I believed a time would come when the shackles to the past would come off and I could be truly me as I wrote in my first poem, "Running the Race."

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":


I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:

Running the Race

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.




My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Go Forward and Dance Through Life

A few years ago, a Facebook friend sent me a dog tag from the Christopher Reeve Foundation that had the Superman insignia on one side and a Go Forward on the other side. I wore it around my neck at the 2010 Tufts 10K.

One of my favorite Christopher Reeve quotes is:
"We can either watch life from the sidelines, or actively participate. Either we let self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy prevent us from realizing our potential, or embrace the fact that when we turn our attention away from ourselves, our potential is limitless."

Yesterday as I was walking up the front stairs to my house I experienced a moment of appreciation that took my breath away.

"I'm not in a wheelchair," I thought to myself.

Many who live with the late effects of paralytic polio are in a wheelchair. When I first presented to the Spaulding Rehab International Rehab Center for Polio, I was advised to adapt my Cape house and prepare for a future in a wheelchair. I'd spent time in a wheelchair when I traveled or had to walk long distances. I used a scooter to do grocery shopping or we used Pea Pod delivery service.

Not only am I not in a wheelchair, I was able to regroup and get back on my healing path after experiencing another relapse of symptoms after the trauma of my nephew's suicide.

Today I ran 6.1 miles for the third week in a row as I train for the Tufts 10K for Women. I took 4 minutes off of last week's time. I am nowhere near the 13:43 minute/mile pace when I ran Tufts in 2009 but I am also 5 years older. My goal is cross the finish line with a smile feeling healthy and happy in my body. Having said that, I want to train and be the best I can possibly be on race day.

The race isn't until October but after a two year running hiatus, I have a lot of work to do to get myself in the best possible shape for the race.

I can't look back at the detours or kick myself for not keeping up with my running.



I feel incredibly fortunate and blessed with all that I have. Every day is a joy and a gift. Every day has its challenges but I have learned to accept them and work with them. I am healing, slowly, from the inside out and to quote Emile Coue, "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."

I vowed that even if I did need to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, I would find a way to make it the best possible life I could. My theme song during my rehab was Dancing Through Life:



After paralytic polio followed by 9 years of unrelenting violence, two suicides in the family and living through the events of 4/15/13, it is wonderful to go forward and feel the joy of being able to dance through life.


My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

#transformationtuesday I'm a Runner

"I learned that the only requirement to be part of this wonderful group was to run. I didn't have to be fast. I didn't have to be great. I just had to run. And that's when running became not just something that I do but something that is a part of who I am." - John "The Penguin" Bingham

From my memoir: Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.

The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

And so began my journey of healing and transformation as a survivor of paralytic polio and severe trauma as I imagined winning a 10K race!

From my book release party at Marathon Sports Brookline going from outpatient rehab, to taking the leap to leave my award winning career as a VA social worker to being fitted with my first pair of running shoes - ever - at the age of 53:



Sharing what it was like to run Heartbreak Hill for the first time, our Boston Marathon run, leaving running and the running community after my nephew's suicide in 2011 and finding my way home to my life, my health, the running community and the Truth that as physically challenging as it is for me to run, I am a runner!



I donate 50% of royalty payments of the sale of my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" to the One Fund.

The Joy From The Other Side of the Line - Volunteering at the BAA 10K Kids Races - Part II

I've only been back on the roads since 4/15/13 after a two year running hiatus due to a relapse of post polio symptoms. It takes awhile to build back strength, endurance and speed and to learn what I need to do as an older runner living with a spinal cord injury and the after effects of severe trauma.

My first race volunteer experience was at the BAA Half with L Street in 2010. We stood in the Franklin Park Zoo directing runners to the trail that would take them ever closer to the finish line. It was an unseasonably hot day in October. We let runners know they were almost to the finish. I encouraged them to take in the majesty of the animals and to allow the sights and the sounds of the Zoo to carry them to finish strong.

After 4/15/13, I instinctively knew that I needed to be fully involved in the running community again. Being a spectator is awesome but I've never been one to sit on the sidelines.

I became #supportcrew for Boston Marathon training long runs and volunteer opportunities seemed to just come to me. I had a wonderful time doing the packet stuffing for the Boston Marathon with the sweet reward of being able to take the field at Fenway the Sunday before the Marathon for a Boston Marathon tribute. I did a water stop at the Run to Remember and bib pick up at Runners World Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon and Festival.

When I received the email from the BAA asking if I would volunteer for the BAA 10K, I knew it was an invitation for more than just another volunteer experience. When I received the email asking if I would change my volunteer assignment to the Kids Races, I had a feeling it was important for me to say yes.

Kids and parents flocked to the registration table. We had parents complete waivers, explained what would be happening and shared our enthusiasm for what they were about to experience. Some were back for a 2nd year; most were first timers. There was a mix of pre race anxiety and eager anticipation to participate in this event. In the distance, we heard the National Anthem and saw the waves of runners cross the starting line. I'm usually there to cheer on my husband and daughter but this year, there was a joy of a different kind.

When a mom came up with a little girl in a sling and shared that she had been so excited about running but broke her collarbone, we checked with the race director to make sure it would be safe for her to walk. The race director's mom, Colleen, said to her that next year she'd be back better than ever and would even know the course so she'd be able to run it really fast.

The moment that the little girl with her walker, out of breath yet filled with joy and determination came down to the finish line, my breath caught and Colleen and I were both overwhelmed with emotion. I shared with Colleen that I am a survivor of paralytic polio. "Oh so you know," she said. She suggested that perhaps there should be a special event for children with mobility impairment. I gently suggested that it is so important to have an event like this that is geared to kids of all levels and all abilities. I shared with her how wonderful it was for me to experience the 2009 Boston Marathon as a mobility impaired runner and how grateful I am to Dave McGillivray for creating an atmosphere of inclusion. I recommended The Last Pick.

Tom and Ruth Anne found me after they crossed their finish line. They saw the kids with their bibs and medals and shared in the joy of those who had finished their races.

It was time to head over to the finish line for the older kids' event.

The only time I have been in the finish line chute was as a runner. We showed our volunteer credentials and a finish line volunteer moved the barricades to let us through the chute.

How amazing to stand just a little beyond the finisher's mat and cheer on those who were finishing up their 10K with grit and determination. One woman with a pair of Canadian Crutches crossed with her Guide. Colleen mentioned to me that she always wanted to a guide for a visually impaired runner but didn't know how to get connected to the Guide community. I referred her to Team With a Vision and the Mass. Association for the Blind. She was delighted that she could give back in this way. I told her the story of Randy Pierce and The Mighty Quinn.

As the kids sprinted down Boylston Street to experience the thrill of crossing the finish line of a BAA event, I felt joy and gladness overflow in my heart. To be able to hand them their medals and congratulate them is a moment that shall forever remain imprinted in my heart.

I hope they will feel the same way about that moment!

There is a thrill to feel the energy at the starting line of a race and a sense of exhilaration and accomplishment crossing that finish line as a runner. But there's another way to feel a runner's high and that is through the joy from the other side of the line.





My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Moving Beyond Yourself-Monday Motivation

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself." ~John Bingham


At yesterday's Corrib Pub 5K Road Race, I was keenly aware of the challenge of living with the effects of paralytic polio and trauma, yet I did not let those challenges define me, defy me or stop me from moving beyond myself.

I surround myself with people who believe in me and who accept me just as I am, cheering me along every step of the way. I am deeply grateful for my friends Margo and Julie Feeney, and my husband Tom who allowed me to set the pace for the day and in their own way, gently challenged me to challenge myself by running a little in front of me at times. They honored my challenges and checked in to make sure I was doing okay given the heat and the hills.

I was so inspired as we neared the finish line that I moved beyond myself and took off with a sprint.



Being among the running community, watching a running movie classic, Chariots of Fire, reading Bill Rodgers Marathon Man or Dave McGillivray's Last Pick, reading inspirational blogs and posts on Facebook, feeling gratitude for ALL that I am able to do are wonderful antidotes to worn out beliefs about who I am and what I am able to do.

How do you move beyond yourself and cast aside worn-out beliefs so that you have the energy to create and accomplish everything you want to do?

My memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" which chronicles my 7 year healing odyssey including how I moved beyond paralytic polio and trauma to run the 2009 Boston Marathon, is now available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Everything I Imagined - And More

"Imagination is everything. It's the preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein

I set an intention for my Book Release Party; ease, grace and gratitude and that everyone who attended the event would leave feeling inspired not only by me but by each other's stories.

Friday night's book release party for Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility was everything I imagined and more.

Ellen Gabriel, the manager of the Brookline Marathon Sports store had refreshments at the ready. She told me not to worry about doing a thing except setting up what I needed to set up.



Boston Marathon memorabilia. Spaulding Rehabilitation Network singlet I wore on 4/20/2009. My bib signed by Frank Shorter and Bill Rodgers. The newspaper from the 2009 Hyannis Marathon/Half Marathon the first Half Marathon I ran with a brief interview with a reporter. My finisher's medal, finisher's photo, the Spaulding Race for Rehab souvenir book and a letter from Johnny Kelley the elder's nephew when they sent a signed photo of Johnny to us.

I was reunited with my coach Domenick D'Amico and Amy Yok-Ming Wong who I met several years ago during one of Domenick's return to Boston trips. She runs for the Parkinsons Foundation in honor of her mom who died from Parkinson's Disease.



Guests arrived. We socialized and schmoozed. There were introductions and hugs all around. The energy in the room was electric. I met Randy Pierce who recently qualified for Boston who I wrote about in my blog. I introduced him to my Coach and they were talking about the Boston Marathon course.

The love that I felt in cyberspace for friends such as Maureen Lamie, who works as a hair stylist, was even more powerful in person.



Karen DiMare and I met through a Gratitude Challenge on Facebook. She shared with me the frightening health challenge of her husband Chris and we developed an on line friendship. I encouraged her and Chris to advocate for themselves and supported their positive attitude as they went through the uncertainty of his diagnosis. I know that my journey helped to give them strength and hope.

They surprised me with the gift of their presence. Chris had a tumor on his spinal cord. He had to learn how to walk all over again. Karen is the owner of DiMare Holistic Skin Care and I could feel how she blesses her clients with her loving and caring touch.

I met Vicki Vogt by phone when I worked at the VA. She was a loving liaison at the Perkins Talking Book Library. When I met her in person several years ago to record my poetry books for Perkins, she shared with me that she is a polio survivor. We have stayed in touch via email and Facebook. She looked amazing when I saw her. At my suggestion, she went to Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio and said she feels better. I had mentioned that I now go to Spaulding Rehab's Aquatics Therapy program during my presentation. During the book signing, she asked me for more details and plans to follow up with our mutual doctor at Spaulding to see about getting a prescription to go there.

I was humbled and amazed when a group of people from L Street Running Club arrived, including the President Theresa and her husband Steve. There were people who aren't on Facebook and who I did not have email addresses for, but who I had seen as part of #supportcrew on long runs or from meetings. They heard about it through word of mouth and showed up to support me. They hadn't RSVP'ed that they were coming.

And my friends Maura and Meghan with whom we shared water stop duty last winter for L Street arrived with Dennis for whom they were doing the water stop because he was training for Boston.



It was time to begin.... I opened with this selection from the Introduction of my memoir

"I left home at the age of 5 – my earthly home that is. I contracted childhood paralytic polio. Polio was the AIDS of its day. If you contracted polio, you were shunned. There was a fear of contagion. Fear breeds ignorance that is far more devastating that any disease. Three years later my father fell into alcoholism and I was raped and beaten, threatened with death and tortured by my father for 9 years until he ended his life. My maternal grandmother physically, sexually and emotionally abused me with cruel rituals that tortured my body and my mind. My mother was addicted to prescription pain medication. My older brother was numb and trying to survive the chaotic household as best he could. He chose to align himself with the aggressors. I learned early on how to dissociate and to harness the power of my intellect to survive but I paid a steep price for leaving home and disowning my body. I bided my time until it was time to heal."

The room was silent yet the compassion and support for my journey was palpable. (Photo credit: Maura Walsh)




I shared an overview of my journey and read selections that talked about my Boston Marathon journey that all began at the Brookline Marathon Sports store where I was fitted for my first pair of running shoes at the age of 53.



Emotions welled up within me as I recalled the role that Domenick played throughout our training and how the Marathon Sports employees became family to Team McManus.

It was time to sign the books and greet my friends one by one.

Maura Walsh with whom I shared the water stop is a professional photographer. She also captured these special moments for me:


My dear friend John Young came out to support me. He said what a difference we had made when he was finishing his race as I write about in my blog post Today He Was The Hammer. He ran his fastest time for 16 miles in part because he knew we were waiting for him at the base of Heartbreak Hill.



Here's a photo of Amy, John and me. John and Amy connected because they are both running the NYC Marathon. John is going to use NYC for his Boston Qualifier race. Amy had read about John in my blog and are now friends.



After running the Cambridge 5 Miler/3 Mile City Walk, I connected with Jess Lanzoni who runs with Back On My Feet Boston. It was wonderful to meet her in person as we had run part of the way with women from Back On My Feet seeing how they encourage one another to just run to the next pole or stop sign or whatever. Jess is as warm, loving and genuine in person as she is in cyberspace. She told me in a facebook comment after the party that she would also like to buy additional copies of my memoir and asked if I would be donating a portion of the on line sales to The One Fund. I decided that I would donate 50% of the royalty payments which is $2/book to The One Fund to support the ongoing care that those affected by 4/15/13 are going to need.

Al Pappalardo has been a longtime friend. We met through the Merrimack Valley Striders Club. Last November we were reunited at the Feaster Five Expo. I had lost contact with Al and my friends in the running community after my nephew's suicide in 2011 when I stopped running and isolated myself from the running community. Here we are at the Expo:



He greeted me with, "Boy Mary, I had no idea the extent of your history." Al does charity work to prevent Child Abuse. I had sent him all the gift cards I had around the house for his raffle. I told him, "That's why I sent you all those gift cards for your event." I could feel the compassion flow from his heart.

People gave me checks and $20 bills saying keep the change for The One Fund.

We raised $122 for The One Fund from proceeds of book sales and the generosity of my friends.

At the end of the evening, Ellen took this photo of Tom and me:



He told me it was a no brainer when my team at Spaulding told me I had to quit my job if I had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome.

Seven years ago today I closed the door on one chapter of my life. Thirty of my friends came out to support me as I shared my healing odyssey and to celebrate the release of my memoir. My friends who could not be there in person sent me messages and told me they would be with me in Spirit. Were they ever!

The common thread among my friends and my life today is that we all believe in giving back. We take our challenges and create the best life we possibly can with them. While my friends applauded me at the end of my book reading, I applaud them for all that they are doing to make this world a better, more beautiful place in one way or another.

I am blessed and my heart overflows with gratitude especially to Ellen and to Marathon Sports.

In my mind's eye I visualized myself running, feeling free, whole and healthy as my pen became my Divining rod for healing as I wrote poetry after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome. It's been an incredible journey filled with ups, downs and everything in between but I am here now ready to write the next chapters of my journey.

My book release party and my life today is everything I imagined - and more.

You can order Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility, along with my books of inspirational poetry on Amazon.

The Gift of Running

"I learned that the only requirement to be part of this wonderful group was to run. I didn't have to be fast. I didn't have to be great. I just had to run. And that's when running became not just something that I do but something that is a part of who I am." - John Bingham

A little over 7 years ago, as I sat in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility, I wrote the poem called "Running the Race." I intrigued myself after I wrote the line, "while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race."

Running? Mary McManus? aka "Easy Out Alper" - um a rather unlikely combination to say the least.

But not impossible despite all appearances to the contrary.

After intensive, extensive outpatient rehab through Spaulding Rehab, writing poems visualizing myself as healthy, whole and free in my body, quitting my stressful job as a VA social worker, and then hiring a personal trainer, I felt this urge inside of me. From my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" available on Amazon


At my six-month evaluation in February, I had dramatically improved in every area of the assessment. I had come out of my leg brace and I knew that I was on a healing path. Janine asked me what my next health and fitness goals were.
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

And run I did crossing the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon


It's been a healing odyssey filled with ups and downs. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it back to running and a state of health after my nephew's suicide in 2011.

After last year's Boston Marathon, I knew I needed to return to running and the running community.

I started from the beginning building up mileage, running a few 5K's and building strength in the Aquatics Therapy program at Spaulding Rehab.

And I decided I would run the Tufts 10K this year. I was up to 5 miles in my distance again.

The other day I realized - it's more than the miles. It's more than the time.

I felt something shift inside of me. I felt what a gift it is to run. The gift of running is the ability to live fully in the present moment.

And I began to challenge myself; to train in earnest and be fully present. I used strategies that every good coach uses. Focus on your breathing. Feel your footsteps. Let's see if you can pick up the pace. Make it to that house up ahead; to that Stop sign.

I took in the beauty of the scene and feeling a unity, a harmony, a wholeness in the midst of it all. I ended up doing a negative split of .50 seconds between mile 2 and 3 with an average page of 15:33 for that last mile. The time on my Nike+ isn't what ultimately mattered.

Somehow, on that run, and somehow during these past 7 years, I came to the realization that running is now a part of who I am. It is a gift and one that I am grateful for every time I lace up my running shoes and go out for a run. It is a gift that keeps on giving me health and the best friends in the running community. It's a gift that keeps me present feeling fully alive in the moment regardless of the challenge.

And if the time comes when in my physical form I am no longer able to run, running will always be a part of who I am and all that I have learned and become through running shall remain forever.

Taking Chances

Runners World posted this quote this morning on Facebook.
"Sport, like all of life, is about taking your chances." ~ Sir Roger Bannister, MD the first man to break the 4 minute mile.

Seven years ago on 5/25/07, I took a huge chance. I walked away from my career as a VA social worker just "3 years shy of retirement" to heal my life and follow my passion as a poet and writer after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006.

In February of 2008, I took another huge chance by declaring that I wanted to run the 2009 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital where I had taken the first steps on my healing journey. My personal trainer,Janine Hightower, my coach Domenick D'Amico, Spaulding's Race for Rehab Team, the Marathon Sports family and my family joined me in taking that chance and on 4/20/2009, we crossed the finish line of the Boston Marathon.



In 2011, in the wake of my nephew's suicide, I experienced a relapse of post polio syndrome.

I stopped running. I isolated myself from the running community. I went on a long and winding road trying to find my way home to myself.



After April of last year, I returned to the roads and to the running community.

At first, my plan was to run 5K's and not be concerned about my time.

Then I decided, I am going to train for the Tufts 10K in October.

Last Sunday, at the end of my 5 mile training run, I pushed myself to see what pace I could run for a short period of time.

I checked my Nike+ activity yesterday after our run on Heartbreak Hill. My pace is improving and yesterday, I was able to do negative splits.

I'm beginning to push myself again and test my limits with mindfulness. I feel this deep in my soul.

It was wonderful to return to the roads and the running community but it wasn't enough to just be out there. Although it is a miracle that, given the diagnosis and all that I have been through, I can run, I cannot settle for just being out there.

I am resurrecting the runner within me. I have my sights set on another half marathon but first I'll see how the Tufts 10K goes and how I respond to increased mileage. I believe that I can do this.

I don't know what's possible or how far or how fast I can go this time. Personal best is not just about the time on the finish line clock.

I am training now and giving it my all with a sense of purpose and passion.

The outcome doesn't matter.

What does matter is that I not settle.

What does matter is whether in sports or in life it's all about taking chances.

My memoir "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Nature Triumphs!"

As I was booking our hotel stay for when my husband runs the Cape Cod Marathon in October, one of the hotels had this quote posted on their website:

When the snowdrops push their green spears through the earth, I know that Spring has arrived, and each year I think what a miracle it is.
No matter how long the winter, how hard the frost or how deep the snow, Nature triumphs. Sheila Pickles

Life gets messy. Life can get ugly and can be cold and dark and at times, seems unforgiving.

But what a miracle when we are able to push on and push through and allow our true nature to burst forth and blossom regardless of the circumstances of the winter of our life.

In the darkest days of the winter of 2007, shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I experienced difficulty with my voice and swallowing, fatigue, breathing and a whole host of symptoms that were a result of paralytic polio I contracted at age 5 and the severe trauma I experienced from the age of 8-17 when my father, after years of struggling with alcoholism and psychiatric illness, finally took his own life.

I occasionally wrote poetry to celebrate and commemorate special events, yet I never nurtured my creative side until my body basically shut down. It was the dark night of my soul. Yet just like the snowdrops that can blossom through the snow, poetry flowed out of me. I began to move out of the darkness of fear and feeling/living like a victim into the light of love, gratitude and believing in what was possible. I even visualized running although I was in a leg brace, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility. From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:

Running the Race

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

I sobbed to write those words. I had never spoken about polio or the abuse I endured. I became curious. Why am I writing about winning a 10K race?

Energy flows where intention goes and I was blessed to experience a profound transformation in my physical form. So much so that I went on to run the 2009 Boston Marathon!

Three years ago after my nephew's suicide, I almost lost myself again. I stopped running and went on a long and winding road to find my way back home to myself.

I gardened for the first time in my life the other day as I wrote about in my blog "Dirt Therapy". How wonderful to weed and prune and have it all carted away in the lawn and leaf bags on trash day. I have been weeding and pruning in my life.

I go for biweekly massage sessions at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork which incorporates Zero Balancing. I have been shaking off the past literally and metaphorically as my body works to relax, settle and reorganize itself. We release my body's powerful natural ability to heal and find its way into a more balanced structure.

I'm feeling more and more like the person I was always meant to be. I'm back to running and the running community. In my mind's eye, I want to run another half marathon but first I have to run the Tufts 10K in October and see how that goes. I know I can't push myself too far or too fast. I am enjoying the journey of building distance and flirting with speed work.

But however the changes may or may not manifest in my physicality, my sense of well being, ability to weather whatever storms may come my way, contentment with my life and joy in living is here and now.

And that is how we are meant to be when nature triumphs!


When we stand in our truth, speak from our heart and live as our highest selves, everything flows and we can, just by our very presence, create powerful change in the world. ~Mary McManus

#tbt Run For Your Life

As I was cleaning out the dormer, I came across the article we framed from the May 8, 2008 Brookline Tab:



I had saved the article and comments in a word document.

Since she was a little girl, Mary McManus had rarely moved faster than a walk.
But last month, the former polio patient bought her first pair of running shoes. And now she’s training for a marathon.
Paralyzed by polio at the age of 5, the Brookline mother of two now spends every day fighting back against the crippling effects of the disease that still threatens to rob her of her strength and mobility 50 years later. She said she won’t stop until she runs her first marathon.
“I just know with every fiber in my body that we will,” she said. “It’s all happening.”

McManus faces an uphill battle. Though polio itself has been virtually eradicated from the developed world, McManus is one of more than 440,000 Americans who could see a resurgence of symptoms decades later, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.
Scientists believe this resurgence, called post-polio syndrome, is a result of natural aging and stress on the motor neurons that survive an initial polio attack.

Polio survivors learn to depend on these motor neurons as they recover, and can live relatively normal lives before they give out later in life, according to Mary Cole, a senior occupational therapist at the International Center for Polio in Framingham.
“There’s usually a long period of stability,” said Cole. “If not, there’s something else going on.”
Cole teaches post-polio patients how to save their energy, and recommends that many start using the braces and canes they once used as kids. It’s about improving quality of life, she said.

“A lot of people think exercise is what can get you through this, and that’s not the case,” Cole said. “Most of these patients have been overusing these muscles, and we need to find a balance.”

But McManus said she refuses to slow down. She wants to prove that other post-polio patients don’t have to, either.
“I’m here to let them know that that might be true for some people, it doesn’t have to that way,” she said.

I smile as I read this and realize that I was running for my life.

I had no idea what I was doing. Check out the attire I wore. It's like a throwback to Bill Rodgers running in a t shirt and garden gloves back in the 70's.

I relied on the guidance of my personal trainer. In October of 2008, I met Spaulding Rehab's Race for Rehab coach and trainer. Domenick D'Amico who promised to get us to the starting line healthy and to the finish line with a smile. From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility:"

We walked into the conference room at the old Spaulding Rehab Hospital on Nashua Street in Boston for our pre race team meeting. I was overcome with emotion to realize that just two years earlier, I was being seen in the outpatient clinic facing a grim and uncertain future. Here I was walking over the thresh hold and through the doors of the conference room with my husband and daughter by my side to join the 2009 Spaulding Hospital Race for Rehab team.

We introduced ourselves and then were introduced to our beloved coach, Domenick D’Amico who told us his job was to get us to the starting line healthy and to the finish line with a smile. I was terrified, excited, determined and feeling fierce and feisty that I, Mary McManus, a polio survivor was going to run the 2009 Boston Marathon.

But I wasn't running to only reclaim my life; to move out of a mindset of disability and emotional and physical paralysis. I had a purpose that I felt and continue to feel deep in my soul. I was running to inspire others as reflected in the comments from the article:

DEAR MARY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU AND WISH YOU THE BEST OF THE BEST AT EVERY GOAL YOU ARE A GREAT WOMAN, I'M THINKING ABOUT MY LIFE IS A POST POLIO PERSON AND WISH I CAN DO THE SAME YOU DOING NOW
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
RAUL CORNEJO

Hello Mary, i stumbled onto your story.
I had polio when i was 14 months old; 27 years after, i still struggle with the physical and 'mostly' the emotional trials that accompany polio.
I'm a doctor,so daily i encounter people with a variety of challenging conditions and i constantly draw strength from how different people embrance their unique situations.
I am particularly inspired by your unrelenting spirit, 50 years on!
I just got back from taking a long walk.
I was thinking about my life in general and saying to myself, are you just going to give in to polio without a fight?
I decided that i'll start running in the evenings to strengthen my calfs and increase my muscle bulk. During my walk, i also dealt with some emotional issues... but i digress.
I got home and got on the internet to see if there where any researched exercise routines benefical to polio survivors, i wanted to be sure running was safe.
I got a lot of info, the unianimous advice was, don't over exert yourself, complete with the medical explanations why overexertion could be harmful.
I know running may be a stretch for me, i don't know how beneficial it will be, but i know that miracles still do happen.
Polio will not hinder me anymore. I am definately gonna give it a shot.
I'll come back here to let you know my improvement.
I am very inspired by your determination and i thank you for sharing your story.
God bless you.

Hi Mary. I was listening to the radio the other night and I heard your interview. I don't know if you remember me but you took care of my husband George Murray while at the VA hospital as well as saving my life on a daily basis back then. You were truly my angel. I am so happy to have an opportunity to thank you for all you did for me back then and I have often wondered about how you were and then I heard you quite by accident as I still get up really early but the radio was on and I immediately recognized your voice. Do I think you will run this marathon, absolutely. You will do it. I am sorry you have gone through these health problems but you sound wonderful. I am going to get your book and I know I will love it. God bless you and I know he does.
Love

Maureen Murray

If you'd met Mary last year and then again today, you will be pleasantly surprised by the changes in her. She positively radiates with energy and good cheer. If exercise is how she's made the changes then I definitely want to start moving more too. It would be nice to have a follow-up after she has run her marathon.
Beth Blutt

I think it is awesome that she has been able to rebuild her strength a second time. I am encouraged now to continue exercising myself and continue to accomplish as much as I can in my golden years instead of settling for couch potato status.
Linda DuPre

I'm still running for my life today. I don't run as far or as fast as I did. I'm still running to inspire others. And I'm still running to spread a message of healing, hope and possibility.

Dr. Seuss and How I Came To Be a Runner and 2009 Boston Marathon Finisher

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein

Before the painful physical therapy sessions with my beloved physical therapist, Miss Holly, she had me choose a Dr. Seuss book to read together. During the sessions, she would recite The Cat in the Hat or "Grinchie" as I called him and would have me fill in the blanks to keep me distracted from the pain of the sessions that were necessary to help me regain mobility after contracting paralytic polio at age 5.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neurological disease in December of 2006, I faced a grim future to say the least and wasn't sure if I even had a future.

In February of 2007 during the darkest night of my soul and body, I sat down and prayed.

Here was my answer

Running the Race - Feb, 2007
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.
I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
with no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
suffered in silence, isolated from friends-trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.
Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

The healing cadence of Dr. Seuss returned to me only now I was the one holding the pen.

Soon poems filled with visions of dancing, feeling whole and healed, being grateful for all that was with no expectation of any particular outcome poured out of me.

And shortly after coming out of my toe up leg brace, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility, completing my course of outpatient therapy at Spaulding Rehab and hiring a personal trainer, I declared, (from my memoir, Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility available on Amazon


“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

During my training for the Boston Marathon, I wrote a series of 13 poems which harnessed the power of visualization to get me through those miles and to the finish line along with my personal trainer, phenomenal coach and having my husband and daughter by my side.

Even though I don't have another marathon to run, I feel so blessed and grateful to be a part of the vibrant and thriving running community in Boston. I'm training for the Tufts 10K which I have not run in 3 years. No matter what I am able to run and even when I wasn't able to run, my runner friends have always been there for me. I'm so grateful to Miss Holly for her wisdom to introduce me to the wisdom and healing cadence of Dr. Seuss that opened the door to my imagination to visualize myself running a race.

I feel my healthiest and happiest when I run!

Do It Now! Thoughts From The Comeback Kid

Yesterday on Facebook, Marathon Sports posted:



What are your fitness goals? Whether it's attempting your first run or training to BQ, there's no time like the present! #LETSDOTHIS #GOALBIG #INSPIRE

I commented:
NOW! Don't wait. #noexcuses And Marathon Sports will help you find everything you need to reach your goals. I went from polio shoes and a leg brace and using a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon with their help. Marathon Sports Brookline fitted me for my first pair of runner shoes -ever- in my life - at age 53. And they have been there with me through all of my ups and downs of living with a neuromuscular condition. Spring is a wonderful time for new beginnings, setting new goals and moving confidently in the direction of your dreams.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility:"

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run. ....


“What are you in now?” Spencer Aston asked me when I walked into Marathon Sports in February of 2008.

“Well, truth be told, I’m in ‘polio shoes.’ I borrowed these running shoes from my daughter. Let me give you the twitter version of my story.”

I told Spencer about my history of paralytic polio, my ‘remarkable recovery’ as was Spaulding’s tag line when I was a patient and how I was planning to run the Boston Marathon. He took so much time and care doing a gait assessment and working with me to find the perfect running shoes. We figured out that I needed an insert at my heel to ensure comfort. ...

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I waited for Janine having put on my cardiac monitor sporting a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt. I laugh now to think about how ill equipped I was in so many ways to begin marathon training. And not just any marathon – THE Boston Marathon.

When Janine showed up, we went outside on Eliot Street. She said that we were going to start out running for 30 seconds and walking for 2 minutes. Janine was so loving, gentle, patient and kind as she encouraged me to just let my body move in a gentle jog. We looked at my heart rate. It went up over 170! She told me that was okay. The high heart rate was a result of my deconditioning. But she was confident that I could do this!

What an amazing journey to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon.

In October of 2009, I was cooked. I returned to outpatient physical therapy at Newton Wellesley Hospital Spine Center requiring a series of cervical spine injections and intensive outpatient therapy to build especially upper body and core strength. My therapist told me no running at least until the Spring of 2010.

I busted out when she cleared me for running and went on a running spree of trash talking and PR's.

In March of 2011, my nephew suicided and I experienced a relapse of symptoms. By the end of September of 2011, I hung up my running shoes for what I thought was for good. I didn't feel as though I had it in me to come back again.

But then 4/15/2013 happened....

I had to walk at a race walk pace to escape down Huntington Avenue to our car to what we hoped would be safety. (It was.)

We did the #onerun organized to help runners and the City heal after 4/15/13. I realized that I needed to get back into running. I had lost contact with a lot of my running friends but thanks to Facebook and email was able to reconnect with them. We rejoined L Street Running Club. It was as though I never left. I'd been "an honorary" member of the Merrimack Valley Striders Club and they welcomed me with open arms.

It didn't matter that my pace was slower and my distance was shorter. The motto of L Street is "No pace too slow. No distance too short." And they mean it!

I ran the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K and then the Feaster Five hosted by the Merrimack Valley Striders. I took a break from road races during the winter but I continued to train outdoors whenever possible.

My first road race was the Cambridge 5 Mile Run/3 Mile City Walk. I'm now registered for the Corrib Pub 5K which was the first race I ever ran back in June of 2008. The last time I ran it was on 6/5/2011. We are planning out our summer/fall road races.

I am training for the Tufts 10K which I last ran in 2010.

Twice a week Aquatics Therapy Classes at Spaulding Rehab help me to build my strength. I am wearing 3 pound ankle weights and can increase challenging myself by the depth of water I choose to work in. I will be excited when I strap on those 5 pound weights but know that I have to wait until the 3 pound weights are no longer a challenge for me.

I make sure I take my rest days and go for regular massage sessions at Sollievo Bodywork and Massage which incorporates the mind/body therapy of Zero Balancing into the session.

I am extremely mindful of working up to my edge but backing down when my body tells me to.

Today's message of healing, hope and possibility? Do It Now. #noexcuses And if you fall short of your goals, don't ever stop. And if you have to take a break from running, stay connected to the running community. And if you need healing, keep searching until you find a winning combination of what works best for you. And if you can no longer "run", walk and be a part of races where they welcome all ages and all abilities. Do It Now! and don't stop.

Reflections on Acceptance and Appreciation

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I've always been a mover and a changer. As a social worker at the VA, I was passionate about helping my veterans and moving the system to help meet their needs.

I've always been great at the courage to change part of the serenity prayer but when it came to acceptance and the wisdom to know the difference - well not so much!

After I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I did not "take the diagnosis sitting down" as I like to say and got moving to make changes in my life. My journey of transformation has taken me to some amazing places like the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon. After the tragic events of 4/15/13, I returned to the running community after a two year hiatus. Knowing I did not have another marathon in me, I became part of support crew for fund raising and supporting runners during long training runs. What a blessing to be a part of the 2014 Boston Marathon training season, the phenomenal events leading up to Marathon Monday and celebrating the joy of the 118th Boston Marathon on the third Monday in April as President Obama predicted in a speech he gave on 4/18/13. Runners ran harder and we cheered louder than ever.

I was outspoken about the philosophy in Western medicine of "if you use it, you will lose it" and believed that post polio syndrome or any diagnosis for that matter was something that needed to be overcome.

But recently, in my quiet moments of meditation, I came to this realization which I recently added as an Epilogue to my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

I realize that trauma does not get out of the body nor is post polio syndrome something that needs to be defined, refuted or overcome. I learned that you cannot outrun or outsmart the past and there is no going for broke in trauma recovery. There is moving through the moments to heal. My experiences are a part of the fabric of my life and of my form but they need not define me nor rule my life. I no longer have to suffer or struggle but can find peace and equanimity honoring all that went before. I live with a neuromuscular condition and a history of trauma that took its toll on me mind, body and Spirit. Yet with fierce determination and resolve, I chose life.



And I continue to choose life, living life with passion and purpose.

I make choices that support my health and healing. I choose races that challenge me yet do not push me way beyond my limits or are going to stress me out. I know races with a fast field are not where I need to be. I accept, embrace and enjoy my role as spectator.

I love being support crew. Marathon Sports Brookline Run Group needs volunteers for the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon. I opted to volunteer at the Expo instead of a water stop. I declined the opportunity to volunteer at the Run to Remember and instead will enjoy cheering on my husband and daughter and many friends who will be running Memorial Day weekend.

I used to call Aquatics Therapy classes at Spaulding Rehab, "cross training" for running. I have a letter of medical necessity from the doctor who oversees my care for post polio syndrome for Aquatics Therapy and massage therapy. How wonderful that I can now embrace the need for Aquatics Therapy, accepting that I live with a neuromuscular condition that requires vigilance and care; strength training and exercises with a therapist trained in helping me to maximize functioning while honoring my condition.

I am no longer reckless with the choices I make.

Which brings me to appreciation. Even though Dr. Rosenberg, my post polio doc, has not seen me since after I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon, he has let me know that he is always there to support me. He is a doctor of his word. I appreciate what I have lived through and the toll that paralytic polio, 9 years of unrelenting trauma and 25 surgeries have taken on me mind, body and Spirit. My heart overflows with gratitude for the resources available to me for healing. Throughout my journey, I have had excellent health care and access to the best that Western medicine has to offer. I have found my way to Sollievo Massage and Bodywork where biweekly massage sessions for deep relaxation and healing incorporate the mind/body therapy of Zero Balancing.

While there were times of financial uncertainty after I quit my job at the height of my award winning career as a VA social worker, I was finally able to swallow my pride and applied for social security disability which Dr. Rosenberg suggested to me at my first visit to the post polio clinic. He was an advocate for me to ensure that I received my benefits quickly; 5 months from the time I applied to when I was approved. My husband has a wonderful job with benefits. He was the first to say it was a no brainer when my team at Spaulding told me I needed to quit my job if I had any hope of stabilizing the symptoms of post polio syndrome.

Life is so sweet now. I am no longer fighting against my body trying to create change. There is nothing more to prove. I embrace the miracle of healing and my journey of transformation having no idea what the future may hold for me. I do know that I am grateful to be here now with all that I have lived through, the challenges I live with and all that is wonderful and beautiful about my life now. My intention is to be a source of inspiration for others with my message of healing, hope and possibility that now echoes the refrain of the Serenity Prayer.

A Golden Thread of Gratitude from A Celebration of Life

From toe tips to crown of head
imagine
a golden thread of gratitude
open your heart and remember

after a bitter cold Winter
Springtime blossoms

shedding bulk of winter’s heavy coat
summer grass tickling bare feet
delighting the sole

heart swells
appreciation overflows
flowers waving in gentle breezes
weave a circle of love
a hoop of healing.

"There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you." -Steve Maraboli

Five Years Ago Today!

Today's blog is dedicated to all the survivors of 4/15/13 and to all who are running tomorrow. Where we are in one moment in time cannot possibly predict what the future holds for us --

Runners take your mark. Get set. Go! With those words Dave McGillivray sent the mobility impaired runners of the 113th Boston Marathon on April 20, 2009 to begin the 26.2 mile journey from Hopkinton to Boston. We banked $10,535 for Spaulding Rehab Hospital where, in December 2006, I had been diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular condition. I faced a grim future knowing all too well stories of other polio survivors who were experiencing a decline in functioning.

In February of 2007, I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. The answer came in the form of a poem: (from my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility")

Running the Race

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

I was curious about why, as I sat in a leg brace, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility (and having been told that I faced a future in a wheelchair) I was writing about running a race. I began to harness the power of visualization. My pen became my divining rod for healing.

After 6 months of outpatient rehab at Spaulding, I quit my job at the height of my career as a VA social worker. I dedicated my life to healing having no idea what the outcome of that healing would be. I knew that I had to stop loathing myself which was a result of contracting paralytic polio at age 5 and 9 years of unrelenting physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of family members. I knew that I had to stop punishing myself for my father's suicide when I was 17 years old. Even if I were to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, I had to figure a way to create a meaningful, quality of life before I died.

I hired a personal trainer. I began to get stronger. After 6 months of working with my personal trainer, she asked me about my next goals...(from my memoir)

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

What had I just done?


Off to Marathon Sports where I would be fitted for my first ever pair of running shoes. The first time I ran, my heart rate went over 170. 30 seconds of a run/4.5 minutes of walking became 30 minutes of continuous running. Two miles of running became 5 miles, my first 10K, my first half, 17 miles, 21 miles and then on 4/20/2009, I crossed the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon!


And whether you as a runner face tough moments along the course tomorrow or as we face tough moments and in life, where we are in one moment in time cannot possibly predict what the future holds for us. But together we can always go the distance!