Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Embracing My New World
Embrace: To clasp or hold close with the arms, usually as an expression of affection
Yesterday after I finished my work out with my pilates ball I sent it gently down the cellar stairs. It landed squarely on a framed picture which we were going to hang in my husband's new 'man cave' (new since we are empty nesters). Crash! The glass broke. Last night as I was taking out a strainer to drain our pasta it somehow caught on one of our glass bowls. Crash! The glass broke. Okay once in a day is an accident; twice in a day is a sign. As I was rolling out on my foam roller I somehow managed to hit my head on the leg of the dining room table. What is God telling me?
As I reflected on some of my recent choices, I realized that I was holding on to my 'cherished role' as a social worker. After all, it's a safe and known world for me. I helped a friend to extricate himself from a toxic relationship. After helping this friend to extricate himself from a toxic situation, I realized my old thought patterns and feelings began to surface. I was drawn into the drama and trauma but to my credit, unlike the 'old days', I was able to take a day of solitude yesterday, detoxify and reclaim my peace and connection to God. After all, it's not about growing out of old patterns, it's about growing from them.
As I reflected on the sound and feeling of the breaking glass, I experienced a break through. I no longer need to be do-ing social work. I get to fully embrace my new world. I can let go of the trapeze with both arms now (using Sandi Daly's wonderful imagery) and fly free. Yes, I can be of service but I can be of service in ways that I enjoy; in ways that are fun and I can allow myself to be.
August 1st was the anniversary of my dad's suicide. 39 years ago. I think it's about time that I stop serving penance and release the guilt. It's time that I stop trying to save lives. In truth, people have to make their own choices. God grant me the serenity.... There are other people to do the work now and I put into place the resources to help out my friend. Dare I say it? I get to have fun. The time to rescue is gone. It's time to embrace my new world.
Today I reconnected with someone who was my room mate in college. We had not seen each other in over 30 years. She found me from an alumni note that was in Bostonia, the BU alumni magazine. We had corresponded via email and spoke on the phone last year and then got busy and lost contact. She email'ed me to tell me she was coming to Boston and could we meet for lunch. My schedule is pretty full these next few weeks but today was perfect timing. It was so wonderful to reminisce, and laugh, and talk about music and Red Sox and eat wonderful food at the Alongquin Club and take a walk on the mall at Commonwealth Avenue; wonder what happened to certain people we both knew and talked about how we met. I gave her my books of inspirational poetry as a gift. She treated to lunch. Yesterday's crashing of glass releasing me from the old and breaking through to the new freed me to thoroughly enjoy this time with her being in the present moment.
In today's Daily Prayer for Healing, Kate talked about having James Douglass return to Moon, Moo and You:The Collective Wisdom. The conversation about the Kennedy Assassination will continue. I had an aha moment while reading her blog:
"And our challenge is to create the peace within ourselves and among ourselves....these past few weeks I was helping a friend who was extricating himself from a toxic relationship. It was so easy to fall into an us/them mentality and get into negative thinking. I took a retreat day yesterday to get centered, to detoxify and clear my energy and to bless and love everyone. Gathering in this space reminds me of how important it is to stay connected to the Source of Love especially when we see the darkness in the world."
I cannot change the circumstances that happened to my friend; I cannot change him and have him move out of the victim role. I can only express light and love and keep my energy channel tuned to the station with God's Love. I can only Choose Happiness for me. In Ricky Powell's newsletter this week he links to a clip of Victor Frankl, author of "Man's Search for Meaning." He quotes Goethe “When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.” And so I hold my friend and his ex-girlfriend in the light and lens of God's love but I do so now at a distance. I immerse myself in joy and peace and fully embrace my new world-arms open wide, heart open wide filled with wonder and gratitude for all that is and all that is yet to be.
To see what exciting News and Events are in store, visit www.newworldgreetings.com/news Browse the samples of original poetry I create just for you to commemorate and celebrate every occasion. I know sometimes it's hard to find the right words to say, especially after the loss of a loved one. Using my 25 years of social work experience with my gift of poetry, we can craft a poem that says exactly what you want to say.
Be sure to visit my new website www.marymcmanus.com which chronicles my inspirational journey. You'll enjoy poetic reflections on the Road to the Boston Marathon which are accompanied by photos from Marathon Monday 2009.
God bless, be well and enjoy every moment!