Beauty Moments In The Back Bay - The Beauty of Spontaneity

Two years ago I read Ana Forrest's book, "Fierce Medicine." In her book she talks about the importance of sharing beauty moments especially in the midst of challenging times. After taking her Master Class, I was blessed to meet Ana, share with her how her book changed my life and in my book she wrote:
"Dear Mary, Breathe your exquisite spirit into every cell. Daily. Walk in Beauty, Ana T Forrest".

Tom and I hadn't been out to dinner in a long time. I called him at work yesterday and suggested a date night. Our go to place is Thaitation in the Fenway area. While driving in town to meet him, I realized there was a Red Sox game. We needed to come up with a plan B. I suggested we go somewhere in the Back Bay to support the restaurants that continue to recover from the Boston Marathon bombings when the area around Copley Square was shut down for a couple of weeks. As we were driving down Arlington Street, I said should I take a right here? Tom said sure why not. There in front of us on St. James Street just behind Copley Square was a handicapped parking space just waiting for us. Parking after 5 pm in the Back Bay is at a premium but there it was.

We had no plans - didn't know where we were going to eat and decided to just see where we ended up. A half a block later we first saw a sign for Skipjack's Restaurant.



We used to patronize the Skipjack's in Brookline Village and then in Newton but they closed. We wondered if they were open and as we approached Clarendon Street we saw their outdoor dining patio.



It was windy but we opted for outdoor seating nestled underneath Trinity Church, the Hancock Building and the Prudential building in the distance.



We were so excited and joyful that we shared our story with our waiter of how we just happened upon Skipjacks on Clarendon Street. He was a waiter in the Newton restaurant before it closed and the manager used to be the manager in Newton. Underneath a cloudless sky with the warm sunshine caressing us, Tom and I enjoyed our delicious meal. The manager came out and we instantly recognized each other. He told us that our waiter told him the story of how we just happened to find our way to the restaurant. We didn't speak directly of the events of Marathon Monday but there was a sense of relief and healing in what was unspoken and the joy of reconnection. As a by the way, the manager told us that they offer two hours of free parking in the garage on Clarendon Street after 5 pm.

As a trauma survivor, I could not allow myself to be spontaneous. Everything needed to be planned out and controlled but of course that was an illusion of control. As I have learned over and over again in my life, things happen over which I have absolutely no control. But in the midst of it all, on a beautiful June evening in Boston's Back Bay, I was blessed to experience beauty moments and the beauty of spontaneity. There is beauty to behold when you let the wind and Spirit guide you to the spot where you need to be.

The Gold Standard from Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey Volume II:Seasons of the Soul now available on Amazon

How do you measure Beauty
the gold standard not found on the cover of magazines or billboards
beauty and grace emerge out of the crucible
the heart of a warrior tested
tempered in the fires of hell
radiant beauty reflecting confidence and strength
triumphant courage
passionate Spirit
Shine On!

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary

MAY ALL BEINGS HAPPY AND FREE!

Mindfulness and the Internal Revenue Service - I Am Free

Sitting on my lawn on a beautiful late summer's day, the mailman smiled and handed me our mail. I smiled, wished him a good day and as we all tend to do, flipped quickly through the envelopes to see what he had delivered. I stopped and my stomach clutched. A thick envelope from the IRS. I breathed. I have a 'history of feelings' triggered by seeing those three little letters.

We received a notice of "underreporting" our income saying we owed $3000 in back taxes. As I observed myself going through a gamut of emotions, I began processing the information. I knew what happened. Several weeks after filing our 2010 taxes we received a "1099" from the brokerage house. I ignored it because I didn't know what to do with it especially since it only reported the total amount of our security sales as opposed to the much smaller profit we had made on the stock transactions.

I filed it away and forgot about it especially since not only did we receive our refund for that year, but we received a correction from the IRS granting us a bigger refund than what we had filed. And yes, I did have a major anxiety attack when I received that letter until I opened it and saw that they were making a correction in our favor. Hmmm so now what to do?

My husband and I, to quote Dr Seuss, puzzled and puzzled about it until our puzzlers were sore. I couldn't let go of it instinctively knowing something was just not right. I asked Tom to call the brokerage house because frankly, I was immobilized to ask the questions. It had nothing to do with the money. This was a result of deep seated trauma. He was exhausted and still had more work to do in the evening before we were going to meditation class. In the 'old days', I would have hounded him to call right then and there but with yoga and meditation, I was able to quiet my mind rather than displace all of my angst onto my dear husband wanting him to call and straighten out 'the mess' right then and there.

Amazingly, I was able to fully participate in meditation class and had a wonderful night's sleep. The next morning, Tom told me he'd call when he got home from work. I got still and I allowed Spirit to move through me. I acknowledged and cozied right up to my fears as Ana Forrest would say, calling first our brokerage house and then going right into the belly of the beast. I called the IRS.

I had amazing customer service with the brokerage house. The first person I spoke with at the IRS was gruff and accusatory. I held steady "pleading my case" letting him know I accepted responsibility for not reporting the profits on our taxes but was clearly not a scoff law. He softened a little and then transferred me to the branch of the IRS that had sent us the letter.

I was blessed to speak with a person of compassion and kindness. We sorted everything out and he told me the next steps I needed to take letting me know that many people actually make this same 'honest mistake' as we had. Prior to his saying this, I accepted full responsibility and apologized for not attending to this before now. He saw that instead of owing $3000 we'd owe maybe an additional $45 and we were clearly not tax evaders.

This experience, as I previously mentioned, really had nothing to do with the money although I am extremely grateful we don't owe $3000 plus penalties and interest. It was a soul lesson for me. Patience, maintaining calm while being put on hold for 40 minutes; no longer blaming Tom for my own discomfort asking him to take action to relieve it and moving beyond fears to feel empowered, experiencing and breathing through all of my at often times powerful thoughts and feelings that arose.

In Fierce Medicine, Ana Forrest calls this experience a dharma joust: moving out of a habitual pattern of reacting to a situation. I am so grateful to the IRS for providing me with this wonderful learning opportunity to practice mindfulness and move beyond my fears. I am free!

Fear - from "Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey" now available on Amazon

Once my shroud
the walking dead
the veil of trauma shreds.

I walked with fear today
she cast a long shadow on the path
crevices and pitfalls hidden in the darkness
I stumbled and fell listening to her song in a minor key
a haunting shrill refrain echoing a funeral dirge.

Living in fear is death
she ruled my life when I believed her seductive lies
stripping my integrity
robbing me of my freedom
somehow if I allied with her I'd be safe.

But her power pales in the light of Truth
Breath the antidote to her venom
cleansing the mind numbing slumber
as strength and courage fill every fiber
hydrating my once shrunken self.

I rise from the rubble with grace and gratitude
awakened by the power of love in the sangha
daring to soar to new heights
leaving fear in the dust.

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary

May All Beings Be Happy and Free! Om Shanti