Your Moment of Zen

Jon Stewart's signature closing for The Daily Show was "Here's your moment of Zen."

Tom and I will often share insights we've had from our morning meditations and we'll say, "Ooh that's our moment of Zen for the day."

I thought I would share with you some of my favorite moments of Zen I've collected during the past year.

"Do not doubt your own basic goodness. In spite of all confusion and fear, you are born with a heart that knows what is just, loving, and beautiful." ~Jack Kornfield

How often do we look at the "mess" and forget about the intention!



Understanding our anger and bringing compassion to all of our emotions is so important:



And when it comes to fear:




"May we see beyond the surface waves, may we cherish the sacred in all beings…may we find our way to peace." ~Tara Brach

Two of my own:

Out of our deepest wounds we find our greatest strength, our most beautiful treasures and the knowledge that love is far greater and more powerful than any experience we endure.

Trust your gut. Listen to your intuition and to your heart. They will not lead you astray. And then take a deep breath and exhale letting everything go.


And in closing:


and the gift of presence and peace:
Presence

Presents
gifts of awakening and awareness
come in the oddest of boxes
illness
old age
death
presence always presenting
opportunities
for transformation
the physical body
an illusion really
yet necessary
if we are to experience the fullness of life
the journey is the destination
being present
receiving all the gifts that presence presents
unwrap the gift of peace.




"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.



"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

On Walden Pond: Food for Thought to Nourish Your Soul

It's going to be another day to unplug. Today, Tom's staycation takes us to Walden Pond.

Food for thought:

The Art of the Present Moment-The Masterpiece of My Life

I meditated for an hour this morning reflecting on different feelings in my body and in my heart. The pelting rain and winds were the soundtrack for my meditation. Part of me wondered how we were ever going to get in our training run today. I couldn't believe that given the current weather conditions, the skies could clear. The forecast was for clearing by 10 am though. I imagined that the forecasters were going to say that Hurricane Arthur stalled over New England and we would not get the clearing as previously forecasted.

I planned out a route that would keep us close to home and then went back to listening to my body.

I attended to feelings and thoughts from the past as they arose and then receded much like the waves of the ocean.

I remembered when I was a sweet ballerina with long shiny hair. I could feel the one, two, three punch of contracting paralytic polio. I was paralyzed. My mother and grandmother's cruelty is best symbolized by them carting me off to the hairdresser to have my hair cut into a pixie hair cut once I was able to leave the house, Three years later, and for the next 9 years I became the target of family violence.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I have been on a 7 and a half year healing odyssey. Through writing poetry, I imagined feeling beautiful, free and whole in my body. I visualized running a race. I had dreams of coming out of my leg brace and dancing in the rain. I held onto hope and never gave up.

On March 20th, I was blessed to find my way to a massage therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. The rhythm of his hands create new muscle memory; the intention of his heart joins my intention to heal and Zero Balancing, a mind/body therapy has been helping me to transform the energy of violence and trauma that was in my bones.

But in my recent session, I realized that the energy of violence and trauma did not originate with me. I don't have a cruel bone in my body yet I lived under the weight of their projections onto me believing what they said.

And just as somewhere I held onto faith that the skies would in fact clear today (which they did and it turned into one of our most glorious New England Summer days), I have held onto hope that I would find peace and acceptance with all that is and all that happened to me.

After I finished my meditation, I wrote this poem:

The Art of Being Present
Each moment is a blank canvas
smudges and splotches only in mind's eye
raindrops from the heart
wash away the past.
Each moment is an opportunity
overflowing with possibility.

How shall I paint this moment?

My portrait once a still life
now
in stillness
life force leaps
dancer
lover of life
a geyser of joy
a river of happiness
gratitude flows
fragrant flowers sweetness
strong roots
lit with softness of sun's tender embrace
back from the edge
the ledge between life and death
creating the masterpiece of my life
one breath at a time.

Grandma Moses started painting at age 70. At 60, I am painting the masterpiece of my life.



My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

A Time for Stillness

In Stillness from A Celebration of Life

The silt settles in stillness
the ripples
calm
noon sun
by the shore
my breath deepens.

In stillness
I awaken
aware of the impermanence of all things
settling into the gift of the moment
wanting nothing
in emptiness
in stillness
peace and solitude.

Yesterday was the last day of being #supportcrew for this year's Boston Marathon runners. It was an exhausting yet exhilarating day of packet stuffing. I have been going non stop with water stops, fund raisers, being solo support crew for my friends who were running, standing in all sorts of weather while also getting my run on as I returned to running through the winter for the first time in two years.

Last night I sat down to take a deep breath and be still. I scrolled through some articles about the aftermath of last year's marathon, but then I shifted my focus to look at this year's race. There are wonderful articles about the elite runners and what kind of a race this is shaping up to be. In my stillness, I was able to to understand how I so wanted to feel a sense of completion at the Mandarin last year; coming full circle from when I ran my triumphant marathon in 2009. I was finally beginning to feel well enough after healing from my nephew's suicide in 2011 and experiencing a sense of coming home in my body. That day had a radically different outcome than the one I had imagined as the day began with so much promise.

But I also know how incredibly blessed and fortunate we were to only experience emotional wounds that day; emotional wounds that are healing with time, love, nourishment from an incredible community, my own resilience and strength and by giving to those who are running Boston this year.

In my stillness, I sent out prayers; a meditation of loving kindness to all. May we be happy.. May we be healthy.. May be we safe.. May we live with ease. I thought about all those whose lives were dramatically altered after last year's events and sent out special prayers for healing.

I am not going back to the Mandarin this year. In my stillness, I found a sense of peace in accepting that it would be too much for me to spend the day inside and inside the space where we experienced the bombing. I was able to acknowledge, as painful as it was, that there is no way I can go back and reclaim that day anymore than I can go back and reclaim the end of my kindergarten year when I contracted paralytic polio and my life was forever changed...anymore than I can go back and change any of the traumatic events that happened in my life.

But what I can do is move forward. I can feel overwhelming gratitude for each day and for the blessings and grace in my life. I can create new Boston Marathon memories and I can honor that I am still healing from trauma and that I live with a neuromuscular condition. But what a beautiful life I have!

Life has a funny way of working out - always - and because I could not go back to the Mandarin, we are going to watch the marathon with the mother of a dear friend who is running and did not want to spectate alone on Marathon Monday.

As we approach the anniversary of 4/15/13, I am taking deep breaths, crying tears of sadness and tears of relief, joy and gratitude that we have all made it through this past year and are healing. There are two photos that really contrast then and now:

Bostonians gather for a moment of silence on Boylston St. shortly after 4/15/13 for a moment of silence:



On 4/12/14 Bostonians gather for a Sports Illustrated photo shoot:



I talk about the signs of renewal and healing in my blog post "Joy and Spring return to Boston...And this time next year..."

Beginning on Thursday, there is going to be a frenzy of activity leading up to Marathon Monday.

I'll begin Thursday with a 90 minute session at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. The sessions focus on deep relaxation and healing and I am able to meditate during the sessions. My therapist, Joseph Brescia, incorporates a number of techniques, one of which is Zero Balancing a body-mind therapy that I am exploring to continue to nourish mind, body and Spirit and heal trauma and parayltic polio. I cherish that me time and time of stillness especially as we launch into Marathon weekend.

Thursday evening is L Street's pre marathon meeting. On Saturday, Tom runs the BAA 5K and there will be many commemorative and celebratory activities for the weekend. We will be going to the Race Expo and connecting with friends throughout the weekend.

And then one week from today - the 118th Boston Marathon. For now, I am settling into moments of stillness and reflection allowing all the emotions to surface and move through me as I no longer mark the anniversary of the bombings by months but by one year!

70 Days to Go - Stay Focused and Have Faith - An Inventory of Grace

During this morning's meditation I was recalling two quotes on optimism that recently came to me:

From Gil Hedley:

Optimism isn't merely a disposition. It is a skill, a viewpoint that can be chosen. Genuine optimism doesn't pretend that awful stuff isn't going on. It isn't in denial of all that the pessimist sees. Optimism simply represents a willingness to see the best in a given situation or person, notwithstanding the accompanying hard realities. Worth experimenting with!

And this from Winston Churchill:



My monkey mind was in full force this morning as I jumped from anxiety about two upcoming fund raisers for Singing Boston Strong to feeling the pangs of grief around the 3/4 anniversary of my nephew's suicide 3 years ago and various other items I threw into the mix.

And then I said to myself, be calm - stay focused and have faith and Martin Luther King Jr's quote floated into my mind:



I allowed tears to swell and then I took a grace inventory...I reflected on moments of grace in my life reaching back to when I was 5 and contracted paralytic polio to how fortunate we were on 4/15/13 to escape after the bombings.

I thought about Friday night's Kirtan and how people have been sharing my poem,
"If Only" from Elements of Healing
If Only I could stay in the sacred space of my spirit
to feel the delicious warmth and leaps of joy.
If only I could sweep away all the fear,the doubt
to allow my spirit to take center stage.
If only I could live in love
and allow trust to take the spotlight.
If only I could let peace wash over me
and watch anxiety go out with the tide.
If only I could wholeheartedly believe what i know to be true
and allow my heart to bathe in delight.
If only I could allow myself to experience the magic and wonder that life has to offer.
If only I allow my heart to break wide open
crushing the walls of protection and divine love comes rushing in.
If only I live my truth
and allow me to be my authentic self
when i throw off the shackles of the past.
If only becomes now.


I realized that all I need to do is stay focused and have faith and trust because time after time after time, everything has always worked out. And as one of my dear friends Mandi Monique Bateman posted on facebook:

Meeting Tara Brach - The "Sacred Pause"

I should not be surprised by the synchronicity that abounds in my life. In the opening pages of Priscilla Warner's book, "Learning to Breathe:My Yearlong Quest To Bring Calm To My Life", she mentions Tara Brach. I googled her about a year ago and began following her on Facebook and on her blog. I was astounded to learn that she has experienced debilitating illness in her life as she wrote in her blog "Letting Life Live Through Us," and most recently, "Happy For No Reason."

Tom recently joined the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center. He told me that Tara Brach was coming to speak but it was sold out. The next day he forwarded me an email that we could have audio only seats to hear her talk. I jumped right on it and registered us for the talk.

We arrived early (no surprise there for you who know me well) and were blessed to find a parking space in the lot behind the Center. As soon as I walked through the gate,



I felt tears streaming down my face. There was a beautiful sacred energy present in the garden. I felt the mysticism of the time between winter and Spring. There was a 45 minute sitting meditation before Tara's talk.

I am going to make you all laugh now. I, along with everyone else, was deep in meditation when my phone went off. I could have sworn that I had turned it off before meditation began but sometimes it doesn't 'take'. I jumped and said, "oh my God." I quickly turned it off and noticed that it was near the end of our meditation time but still.... I started to laugh thinking that here I am, my first time at the Center and they are going to toss me out. Tom started laughing because I was laughing but with deep breathing we returned to our meditative states.

After meditation we checked in for the talk. It was quite an experience to not have the visual of the speaker. It actually helped me to be more present in the moment focusing on what Tara was saying rather than having any visual distractions. She began by talking about resting in the fullness of who we are and intentionally opening our hearts to create an atmosphere of kindness and compassion for ourselves. She talked a lot about the trance of unworthiness and how we use deficiency as a filter for our relationships to ourselves and others. Fear gets in the way of giving ourselves wholeheartedly.

She then began our first of several short guided seated meditations with this poem:

Clearing
by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.

Tara talked with us about freedom and how, when we react, we are not free. Quoting Victor Frankl she said,

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

So in our next meditation we were to focus on a situation in our personal relationships in which we experienced irritation. She prepared us for the meditation by saying how our sickness is a homesickness - a longing to return to our Divine selves; the part of ourselves that is mystery and vastness. "When we come into form," she said, "we experience a separateness perception." She begged the question, "How do we forget the wildness of God that is in each one of us?"

As we went through the next two meditations, Tara focused on the sacred pause guiding us to tending and befriending. It was so easy for me to take notes and integrate what she was saying because I'd been reading her blog for over a year now. What a blessing to hear her speak the words so that they could really settle into my cells and my soul. She held a sacred space with her Divine, tender, compassionate Being.

Tara talked about the two wings of homecoming which she wrote about in her blog, "Unfolding Wings of Acceptance." What is happening and can I let it be....

All that I have been working on these past several months seemed to come together for me. I experienced a deep healing in my heart while feeling a flood of compassion and loving kindness flow through me. Tears streamed down my face during our meditation and I felt an incredible softening of my Being when once I experienced so much aversion to all that had happened to me. It's hard to believe that you can surrender to horrific circumstances but as Tara clarified last night -- You are not saying yes to the content of what happened - you are saying yes that it did happen. "The gift of recognizing and allowing are the wings of awakening," she tenderly and loving said to us. "Get that sense of the oceanness of your being and include the waves."

I had no idea that I would get to meet Tara after the talk but she was doing a book signing for True Refuge.



I introduced myself to her and told her how I came to learn about her work through Priscilla Warner. My voice broke as I said to her, "I had paralytic polio as a child. Six years ago I was in a wheelchair and your blog has been an incredible support to me on my healing journey." We locked eyes and her eyes filled with tears. She has the most incredible deep blue eyes and when I looked into them, I saw God and I felt God within myself. We were the mirror for each other's souls knowing each other without needing to say a word. It was indeed a sacred moment. I experienced the mystery and the vastness that she talked about earlier that evening.

She said using her hands for expression "But you look so amazing." I commented, "I have been so blessed with healing. In her talk she mentioned what a wondrous time this is... "We are coming up on the 100th monkey -- the critical mass of people becoming engaged in mindfulness practices." I am so blessed and grateful that I had the opportunity to share those sacred moments of mindfulness in the presence of the community at CIMC and with Tara Brach.

The Leaf on the Windshield - Meditation On and Off The Cushion - Both Sides Now

As you my regular readers know, I love meditation classes with William Jackson at South Boston Yoga. He teaches us about meditation and Buddhism followed by our practice. We share after our practice sometimes using structured exercises to help us gain insight. It's an incredibly special and sacred time.

On Wednesday evening, William had car trouble and couldn't make it to meditation class. There were two other students who came to practice with Tom and me. Wedecided to share practice even though our 'teacher' was not present. Ahhh but although he was not physically present, his presence was strongly felt.

We began practice with listening for the sound of the bell three times.

We did a walking meditation for 25 minutes and then a seated meditation for 20 minutes. I felt incredibly blessed to share the space and practice with the members of our sangha, and to have the opportunity to tap into my own inner teacher as I practiced. After we finished our meditation, we shared our experiences. A good teacher is one who leads a class well; a great teacher is one whose presence and teachings are experienced even in his absence.

The next morning was snowy and slushy. I was dropping Tom off at work and then heading to practice yoga with Todd at South Boston Yoga. There was a leaf that got stuck in the windshield wiper.

Tom commented on how annoying it was since it was streaking the windshield. You've had that happen right so you know how frustrating it can be...And I said to Tom, recalling what William taught us about using the filter of our mind, "That's just a leaf on the windshield. Through the filter of your mind, it has become an annoyance." We both smiled and in the next moment, the leaf was gone.

How often do we focus on something that is annoying and allow it to overtake the moment when before we realize it, it's gone...That's what I learned from the leaf on the windshield as I practice meditation on and off of my cushion seeing life from both sides now....


Footsteps - from "Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey" Volume II - Volume I is now available on Amazon

Gentle barefoot steps
breathing
walking
nowhere to go
nothing to do but be
in blissful solitude
surrounded by soul mates
fellow travelers taking time as time and judgments suspend
inquiring inquisitive minds
seeking to find
the heart of the matter
nothing matters
heart opens
footprints fade
sweet scents of incense fill the air
essences of love and Truth.

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary

MAY ALL BEINGS BE HAPPY AND FREE!

Mindfulness and the Internal Revenue Service - I Am Free

Sitting on my lawn on a beautiful late summer's day, the mailman smiled and handed me our mail. I smiled, wished him a good day and as we all tend to do, flipped quickly through the envelopes to see what he had delivered. I stopped and my stomach clutched. A thick envelope from the IRS. I breathed. I have a 'history of feelings' triggered by seeing those three little letters.

We received a notice of "underreporting" our income saying we owed $3000 in back taxes. As I observed myself going through a gamut of emotions, I began processing the information. I knew what happened. Several weeks after filing our 2010 taxes we received a "1099" from the brokerage house. I ignored it because I didn't know what to do with it especially since it only reported the total amount of our security sales as opposed to the much smaller profit we had made on the stock transactions.

I filed it away and forgot about it especially since not only did we receive our refund for that year, but we received a correction from the IRS granting us a bigger refund than what we had filed. And yes, I did have a major anxiety attack when I received that letter until I opened it and saw that they were making a correction in our favor. Hmmm so now what to do?

My husband and I, to quote Dr Seuss, puzzled and puzzled about it until our puzzlers were sore. I couldn't let go of it instinctively knowing something was just not right. I asked Tom to call the brokerage house because frankly, I was immobilized to ask the questions. It had nothing to do with the money. This was a result of deep seated trauma. He was exhausted and still had more work to do in the evening before we were going to meditation class. In the 'old days', I would have hounded him to call right then and there but with yoga and meditation, I was able to quiet my mind rather than displace all of my angst onto my dear husband wanting him to call and straighten out 'the mess' right then and there.

Amazingly, I was able to fully participate in meditation class and had a wonderful night's sleep. The next morning, Tom told me he'd call when he got home from work. I got still and I allowed Spirit to move through me. I acknowledged and cozied right up to my fears as Ana Forrest would say, calling first our brokerage house and then going right into the belly of the beast. I called the IRS.

I had amazing customer service with the brokerage house. The first person I spoke with at the IRS was gruff and accusatory. I held steady "pleading my case" letting him know I accepted responsibility for not reporting the profits on our taxes but was clearly not a scoff law. He softened a little and then transferred me to the branch of the IRS that had sent us the letter.

I was blessed to speak with a person of compassion and kindness. We sorted everything out and he told me the next steps I needed to take letting me know that many people actually make this same 'honest mistake' as we had. Prior to his saying this, I accepted full responsibility and apologized for not attending to this before now. He saw that instead of owing $3000 we'd owe maybe an additional $45 and we were clearly not tax evaders.

This experience, as I previously mentioned, really had nothing to do with the money although I am extremely grateful we don't owe $3000 plus penalties and interest. It was a soul lesson for me. Patience, maintaining calm while being put on hold for 40 minutes; no longer blaming Tom for my own discomfort asking him to take action to relieve it and moving beyond fears to feel empowered, experiencing and breathing through all of my at often times powerful thoughts and feelings that arose.

In Fierce Medicine, Ana Forrest calls this experience a dharma joust: moving out of a habitual pattern of reacting to a situation. I am so grateful to the IRS for providing me with this wonderful learning opportunity to practice mindfulness and move beyond my fears. I am free!

Fear - from "Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey" now available on Amazon

Once my shroud
the walking dead
the veil of trauma shreds.

I walked with fear today
she cast a long shadow on the path
crevices and pitfalls hidden in the darkness
I stumbled and fell listening to her song in a minor key
a haunting shrill refrain echoing a funeral dirge.

Living in fear is death
she ruled my life when I believed her seductive lies
stripping my integrity
robbing me of my freedom
somehow if I allied with her I'd be safe.

But her power pales in the light of Truth
Breath the antidote to her venom
cleansing the mind numbing slumber
as strength and courage fill every fiber
hydrating my once shrunken self.

I rise from the rubble with grace and gratitude
awakened by the power of love in the sangha
daring to soar to new heights
leaving fear in the dust.

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary

May All Beings Be Happy and Free! Om Shanti

The Places That Scare You - Book Review

The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron took me to places within myself that I was reluctant to visit. Yet these are the very practices she offers in order to become a boddhisattva (one who has the mind of enlightenment called bodhichitta) where we live in the present moment, cultivating the seed of kindness.

“Each time we drop our complaints and allow every day good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior's world,” writes Chodron. What are the places that scare us? Chodron takes us beyond the obvious universal fears we experience in our humanity to the more subtle fears that inhibit our true freedom; the illusion of separateness that manifests when we judge ourselves and another. Chodron offers us a guide to connect to the basic goodness that resides in every sentient being using her own stories to guide us to be patient, use humor, warmth and kindness as we inquire into our own patterns of thought and behavior. It takes a warrior spirit to go into the places that scare us; the essence of our very humanity and pain. At the heart of our pain and suffering, when we have the courage to abide with those experiences, however, is the tender spot, the sweet spot of loving kindness, compassion and love. She suggests that we soften rather than harden our hearts in response to the challenges life brings and enter into a state of groundlessness where everything we once held dear no longer has meaning.

Chodron awakens us to what causes our suffering. She offers meditation practices/aspirations and the activities of the boddhisatva warrior to take us out of our limiting beliefs and feelings to experience the limitless qualities of joy, loving kindness, compassion and equanimity. Suffering happens when we close our hearts with emotions such as jealousy. Suffering is the result of an aggressive mind. Reactions, strategies and story lines are what keep us all prisoners. Chodron invites us to abide with the physical sensations, appreciate the present moment and soften rather than harden our hearts to allow limitless joy – basic goodness to shine through.

Chodron shares with the reader a wonderful story about a cook at the Abbey where she resides. The cook was feeling unhappy and fed the gloom with her actions and thoughts growing darker and darker by the hour. To ventilate her feelings she baked chocolate chip cookies which she burned. Rather than dump the burned cookies, she stuffed them into her pockets and a backpack and went out for a walk. She questioned where is the beauty and magic she keeps hearing about when a little fox walked toward her. The fox sat down gazing up expectantly. She offered the fox her cookies and he ate them slowly and then trotted away. When she returned to the Abbey she said, “I learned today that life is very precious. Even when we're determined to block the magic, it will get through and wake us up.” The message that is consistent throughout The Places That Scare You is to remain in a place of loving kindness, compassion and patience for ourselves as we journey through life and then from this place we are able to open our hearts abiding with all the suffering, the joys and freedom that life has to offer.

Reading Pema Chodron's, The Places That Scare You has given me a new repertoire of awakening tools to help me continue to evolve out of my beliefs and stories that came with heartache and trauma to the tender hearted, joy filled, grateful Being I am in Truth; a fearless warrior with courage and patience to breathe fully into my life. It's a daily practice, a lifetime of hard work with the sweet rewards of living a life wholeheartedly, completely alive in freedom.

“This simple way of training with pleasure and pain allows us to use what we have, wherever we are, to connect with other people. It engenders on-the-spot bravery, which is what it will take to heal ourselves and our brothers and sisters on the planet.” We train not only for ourselves but for the welfare of all beings. This is a book that I will reread awakening to its wisdom over and over again.


A Song of Freedom - from "Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey" now available on Amazon

Penned many poems
Freedom
let Divinity shine
Unshackle
Still not free.
Body memories' cling tightly
Stinging tentacles sucking life force
Breathe
The simple act of breathing
Not simple
Not easy
When terror fills the heart.
Unnamed--unclaimed heart trembling fear
Dark secrets the padlock on prison cell door.
A yoga mat
Chanting
Pranyama
Holotropic breath
Pain
Fear
Rage
Paralysis
Flood of tears
Body's free to rant
Sweat pours from every pore.
Divine Sweet Love and Light
fill the room
Release
Heavenly Voices serenade rebirth
We are all ONE
Illusion of uniqueness GONE
Healing bathes each human
Until all that remains
is The Soul.

From my heart to yours
May all beings be happy and free
With love
Mary

Book Review - Priscilla Warner's "Learning to Breathe"

Just about a month ago, Priscilla Warner was the guest on Michele Rosenthal's radio show, Your Life After Trauma. I sent Priscilla a message on facebook letting her know how much I enjoyed the interview and astounded by the similarities in our journey. I told her I just had to read her book. She was kind enough to have her publisher send me a copy and would I be willing to write a review of the book. Would I? You can read my review on Amazon. "Learning to Breathe" is another gift the Universe has presented to me on my trauma recovery journey. Priscilla and I are six months apart in age. "I was teaching myself to breathe at the age of 56," Priscilla writes. How heartening to find a contemporary soul sister. I came to my yoga mat and began learning to breathe shortly after my 57th birthday.

As we enter into Priscilla's world, she writes, "His Holiness, the Dalai Lama believes human beings can change the negative emotions in their brains into positive ones. And who was I to doubt the Dalai Lama? Maybe my journey would resemble something like Siddhartha meets Diary of a Mad Jewish Housewife.....My new mantra would be 'Neurotic, heal thyself and please stop complaining."

When I entered Priscilla's world, a door opened to a banquet hall filled with the most sumptuous spiritual treats ever gathered in one place. I fed myself on the spiritual wisdom Priscilla so generously shares from meditation masters, Buddhist monks, mystics and healers including the Dalai Lama himself as she sets out on a quest to free herself from the crippling panic attacks she experienced for decades.

"When you're ready to learn, your lessons find you in the oddest places," Priscilla writes. How true! Once we open ourselves to the possibility of freedom from pain and suffering, synchronicities, 'coincidences' and wondrous meetings begin to unfold in one's life - like my meeting Priscilla. Sharon Salzburg quoted Krishna Das who quoted someone else, "The grace of God is coming down all the time, like rain, but we forget to cup our hands."

My copy of "Learning to Breathe" is dog eared, underlined and I have taken notes in my yoga teacher training journal. My meditation practice has deepened, becoming more meaningful and healing not only for myself but as my compassionate and loving kindness heart continues to grow extends into the world. In yesterday's blog post, I speak to how the teachings Priscilla garnered from her healing quest blesses my life. You need not transform was the theme of a reading that David read during savasana after a Sunday morning practice. The next day I found myself reading in Priscilla's book:

"I'm on a mission to transform myself from a neurotic Jew to a serene Tibetan monk," I blurted out to the facilitator I'd met earlier outside Mingyur's living quarters.
"Why would you want to do that? he asked, ushering me into an adjacent room. You're not a monk, and you're not Tibetan. Why not just be the best neurotic Jew you can be."

Themes in Priscilla's book paralleled themes in my yoga classes which speaks to the interconnectedness and wonder of it all (no I'm not referring to the Foxwoods commercial). When the student is ready so many teachers appear bringing the soul lessons on a beautiful path lined with cherry blossoms. You'll have to read Priscilla's book to fully embrace the cherry blossoms image.

I laughed. I cried. I experienced awakening and enlightenment. I smiled. My breath caught with the similarities in our journeys. One of my favorite moments although there are so many it's hard to choose is when her questioning of why and how transforms from feelings of abandonment and neglect by her parents to gratitude for the resident who saved her life with an emergency tracheotomy at the age of 16 months old. In that moment she is able to get out of the story she'd been focusing on that brought her so much pain and suffering to a place of gratitude both to the resident and for her own survival.

"I thought about happiness, tears streaming down my cheeks," Priscilla writes as she shares what's happening in a therapy session.

"If I become happy and healthy," I said, "then I will no longer be related to those people that I came from. I won't belong to the family that I gres up in."

As Priscilla weaves the beautiful tapestry of her life together with clarity and acceptance, she is able to let go of the panic which in part she held to benefit her family members. She discovers how to experience compassion and loving kindness without her having to suffer. "Learning to Breathe" is an exquisitely crafted memoir blending the story of Priscilla's family with therapists and sages of modern day thought and trauma recovery. One of the most compelling features of "Learning to Breathe" is how Priscilla brings in the studies that are being done to demonstrate the effects of meditation on the brain. For those of us who believed that the damage from traumatic experiences are permanent and irreversible; for those who believe that the only way to quell panic or anxiety is with medication; for any one who enjoys a great read and a story of courage, warmth, humor, triumph, honesty, clarity, acceptance and embracing life with grace and gusto -- "Learning to Breathe" is for you! It's for everybody, mind and soul. I know that I will keep returning to "Learning to Breathe" as I absorb the wisdom into the very fiber of my being. Priscilla generously includes a bibliography and resource list for continuing the healing journey.

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary