A Tincture of Time

When I worked at the VA, one of the nurse's that I worked with would often prescribe a tincture of time rather than rush in to prescribe medication. She was a fierce advocate of the healing power of time.



It's been a year since the 2013 BAA 10K, the first event after the tragic events of 4/15/13.

I remember how I felt on Saturday of last year. I told Tom and Ruth Anne (my husband and daughter) that there was no way I could be a spectator at the race even though they were running in it. Anxiety overwhelmed me as I thought about standing at the start/finish line. The memory of the terror was raw in every fiber of my body and being. You can read about last year's BAA 10K in my blog post, The BAA 10K - I Almost Didn't Go - Run Boston Strong.

I received an email from the BAA saying they needed volunteers for the BAA 10K this year. Without hesitation I said yes. I will be volunteering with the kids races.

What a difference a year makes.

Jeff Baumann is back to work at Costco.



Several of the Boston Marathon survivors crossed the finish line of the Boston Marathon and were recently honored at the Challenged Athletes Foundation gala.

The Norden Brothers have released their book, Twice as Strong and walked the entire Boston Marathon course on the anniversary of 4/15/13.

And there are many stories of weddings, couples expecting a child and life moving forward.

Today I did a 6.1 mile river run with trails, stairs, on grass and on asphalt as my training in earnest begins for the Tufts 10K for Women in October.

The day was one of those perfect 10 days in Boston. Sunny. Dry. Moderate temperatures.

Team McManus is back on the roads. We laughed as we remembered our 2009 Boston Marathon training river runs and had a few classic Team McManus training run moments.

I can't believe it's been a year since I felt that knot in my stomach and trembled with fear in anticipation of the 2013 BAA 10K.

It's amazing how much healing happens given a tincture of time.


My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

One Year Later - Boston Stronger - A City of Brilliance and Resilience

It is hard to find the words to express what I felt about being in Boston today. I thought about just posting photos from the BAA 5K, the One Mile Tribute Walk/Run and the Expo but I do need to try to put into words what today meant to me, and all of us whose lives were forever changed on 4/15/13, Bostonians and those who have come from all over the world for Boston Marathon weekend.

As we were walking toward the start, we bumped into John Young ...out of thousands of people, we found each other. We met at the Hoyts 5K several years ago and stay in touch in social media:



We shared a few moments of pure love and joy.

This time one year ago, we were a city in shock. Three died in the bombings and a fourth died a year ago yesterday in the line of duty as an MIT Police Officer. There were 280 people with physical injuries; over 30 people requiring amputation. We lived through the bombings and lock down and wondered how do we come back from these events. President Obama spoke words that made me cry but I wasn't sure if I actually believed him...



On 5/25th, we did the #onerun. From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

After dinner, Tom and I were scrolling through Facebook.

“Oh look they are doing a #onerun tomorrow,” Tom said.

“I am terrified to be a part of that,” I answered.

“Then we have to register,” Tom said.

It waa a cold, rainy day but the love and solidarity of the community and the shared experience of pain brought us a sense of warmth knowing that we were taking steps toward healing.

When it came time for the BAA 10K that my daughter and husband were running in, I was not going to go. I was terrified to be at the start/finish line but when I woke up at 6:30am, I knew that I was not going to allow fear to rule my life.

I noticed how much calmer I felt at today's BAA 5K. There was a collective energy of healing. There were no strangers as everyone struck up conversations with everybody else at the finish line, while waiting for the ladies room and standing side by side watching the Tribute Mile.

There was a sense of physical and emotional wounds healing and a celebration that this weekend has finally arrived.

As we arrived for the Tribute Run/Walk, everything that seemed surreal suddenly felt so real. Participants sporting shirts that said FBI, Boston Police Fugitive Unit, Homeland Security and ATF brought to light for me how everyone quickly came together to track down and capture those who wreaked havoc and terror on our city. Seeing survivors I had seen in the news before me, helped me to realize the resiliency of the human Spirit to move through life altering events. I marveled at the technology and dedication of our medical community as John Odom, Adriane Haslet-Davis, Heather Abbott, Roseann Sdoia walked or ran down Boylston Street to the finish line.

There was security everywhere. Police Commissioner Evans and the Boston Police Department were out in full force. There were bomb sniffing dogs and Tom noticed heavy security out on the course.

We went to the Expo and had lunch at the Forum where many survivors and supporters of survivors gathered.

Kindness, compassion, softness and strength; tears, laughter and a sense of moving forward filled the air. We met up with several people we knew and everyone acknowledged the raw emotions colliding with excitement and relief for Monday's race. The superstition of not wearing the marathon jacket or shirt was discarded as runners wore their shirts, their jackets and their runner passports around their necks.

All the work of those running on Monday is done. Our work as support crew is done. Tomorrow we take the field at Fenway Park representing the BAA volunteers in a Marathon pre game ceremony.

For today, the sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful blue blessing our beautiful city of brilliance and resilience.

Here are those photos from the day:


And a few more:
Our T selfie on the way into Boston:


Tom's view of the race:



We OWN this finish line!



Here is a link to WBZ's coverage of today's Tribute Mile.

One Year Later - A Picture of Strength - A Message of Hope

Today's cover of Sports Illustrated showing Boston Strong a day after the one year annivesary of the Boston Marathon bombings:



I am proud to call myself a Bostonian. Yesterday's tribute and services were filled with grace, Truth, dignity, honesty and integrity. I cried as the rain poured and the wind howled as the day wore on but nothing could dampen the spirits of Boston to commemorate and celebrate our strength and resilience as individuals and as a community.

We shared photos and thoughts on Facebook and Twitter as we had one year ago to come together as a community both in real life and in cyberspace. I could feel how the cloud of trauma that blanketed our hearts and our city had dissipated and now is a time to continue moving forward in healing and hope.

Most of the survivors continue to face a long and arduous road of rehabilitation and it is a lifelong journey now. I know what it means to experience a lifelong journey of rehabilitation although certainly not to the extent that many of the survivors face. My life was forever changed in a moment when I contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 followed by years of unrelenting trauma.

As Adrianne Haslet-Davis so poignantly stated during the tribute at the Hynes Convention Center, Life can go horribly, horrifically wrong in a matter of seconds but it's up to us to make every second count thereafter and believe me they do count.

So now we move from the one year anniversary to countdown to Marathon Monday. I have so many emotions in the mix right now. Part of me wants to wake up on 4/22 knowing all of my dear friends have crossed the finish line safely and accomplished whatever it is they wanted and needed to accomplish on Monday. Part of me is excited to see the race especially after reading articles about the elite athletes and seeing Shalene Flanagan on 60 Minutes.

I know that all I can do is ride the waves of emotions, continue doing what I do day in and day out and experience this most unique time in the history of the Boston Marathon.

Today John Hancock asked the question "What does #weruntogether mean to you --

#weruntogether also means #wehealtogether we find our strength together and uphold each other when we are not feeling so strong. #weruntogether also means that whether we run or are spectators and support crew, each of us is an integral thread of the tapestry that woven together makes us Boston Strong!

One year later we are a picture of strength and a message of hope!

A Day of Heartache - A Day of Remembrance - A Day of Inspiration

One year ago I stood watching the live coverage of the 117th Boston Marathon on WBZ. I was deeply moved when I saw the mobility impaired start remembering our 2009 Boston Marathon run. It was the first year I felt well enough and was ready to go back to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel to celebrate our 2009 Boston Marathon run and be reunited with our Race for Rehab teammates and regale the runners on the 2013 Race for Rehab team as we were once regaled after our run.

We had no idea the day would turn out as it did and this morning I sat watching WBZ again to commemorate the tragic events of 4/15/13. After marking the anniversaries with "months" it seems a little surreal to mark the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings.

I've said over and over again throughout these past 12 months how blessed we were to have walked away from the blast. A newscaster talked about all the seemingly random choices that were made that day as the camera panned up and down Boylston Street.

Tom and I were in the Mandarin waiting for runners to come into the suite. We were debating back and forth about whether or not we should go out on Boylston Street in front of the hotel which is across the street from the Forum where the second bomb exploded to cheer on our friend Jerel. We said that we'd wait until we got the text he hit the 40K mark. We were getting worried because it seemed like he had really dropped off his pace. We found out after Marathon Monday that in fact he had fallen off of his pace but he had hit the 40K mark. We never got the text. As we were debating what to do, we heard an odd sound for Marathon Monday off in the distance. Before we had time to process it, we felt the second explosion and saw the smoke. Our friend and Race for Rehab teammate from 2009 went to the window and came back to tell us, "It's a tragedy. People are down."

I wept I watched the laying of the wreath in front of the Forum this morning with the families of the 3 people who died in the blast.

And then I went out for a 3.2 mile run - in the rain - in the wind.

I thought about the families of those who died. I thought about all those who were injured. I prayed for healing. I reflected on the resiliency of the human Spirit and stories of inspiration that were featured on the news throughout these past 365 days. I basked in the warmth of Facebook messages and emails for me and the City of Boston. And I thought about all of my friends who will be running where I was running today along Beacon Street. I thought about my own resilient Spirit and how I overcame moved through paralytic polio, childhood trauma, my dad's suicide and in 2011 the suicide of my nephew ... and then moving through this past year in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings.

As Boston Police Commissioner Evans said, "Today we remember, tomorrow we move on and Monday we race."

I am proud to call Boston my home. Today I experience heartache mixed with hope as I hold all in my heart with love.

Boylston Street

Right on Hereford, Left on Boylston Street - the holy grail of the Boston Marathon. You know you've arrived.

I remember the thrill of arriving at Hereford Street. I was cold, tired and knew I had a whopping blood blister on my foot but I didn't care. I knew that in just a few minutes, we'd be crossing the finish line of the 113th Boston Marathon.

Here's a photo of Team McManus coming down Boylston Street on 4/20/2009:



Our personal trainer, Janine Hightower is sporting the blue Spaulding Rehab t shirt. She ran us in from Heartbreak Hill and then would not cross the finish line with us saying "This is all yours."

Last year at 2:50pm there was no right on Hereford, left on Boylston Street for thousands of Boston Marathon runners.

Boylston St. was a place that I wanted to avoid but on 5/24th, as I scrolled through Facebook, I saw that there was going to be a #onerun.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility."

“Oh look they are doing a #onerun tomorrow,” Tom said.

“I am terrified to be a part of that,” I answered.

“Then we have to register,” Tom said.
...

And then we were off crossing the one mile to go marker in Kenmore Square where four years ago, Tom, our daughter Ruth Anne and I ran toward the finish line. I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon for those who couldn't and for those who were told they shouldn't run or would never be able to run again. Back then I was delivering a message of healing, hope and possibility. Yesterday, I was one with the survivors knowing they have a long road ahead for them but knowing that they, like me, would be able to go the distance.

We got to Hereford Street and I took a deep breath, as I knew we were going back to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel and passing The Forum where the second bomb exploded. As we passed in front of the Mandarin, we stopped for a brief moment to give our thanks to the staff who ensured our safety. The two doormen who had been there on Marathon Monday while we watched the race before going upstairs to join the Spaulding Rehab party were there. How healing and wonderful to see them, express our gratitude and be back on a part of Boylston Street I was afraid to visit.

I told Tom I was ready to sprint to the finish line. I said a prayer as we ran by The Forum. I sobbed as the crowds were cheering and we were surrounded by runners with their bib numbers from Marathon Monday and thousands of people who had been touched by the tragic events of April 15. At the finish line we shared stories with one another. We hugged. We cried. We healed.



On the 11 month anniversary of the bombings, Tom and I returned to Boylston Street. We had lunch at the Mandarin.



We took a photo of the finish line and said we will come back before the marathon to take a photo of the freshly painted finish line.



Today I am going back to Boylston Street. I am going to the Boston Marathon Memorial Exhibit at the Boston Public Library. Tom and I are going to meet for dinner at Stephanie's on Newbury Street. We met the operations manager at the Marathon Sports Cambridge 5 Miler/3 Mile City Walk. He was four feet away from the first bomb and carried his girlfriend to his car parked behind Stephanie's and brought her to the hospital. They were able to save her leg.

On Saturday, Sports Illustrated has invited Bostonians to come out for a photo shoot to demonstrate the true meaning of Boston Strong.

"Boston Strong is a story about people, ordinary people doing extraordinary things, ordinary people doing ordinary things. SI's creative director, Chris Hercik, believed the best way to tell this story a year later was to bring all those people, or as many as possible, into a single photo at the finish line. If you look at last year's cover photo, you see all that empty space all the way down Boylston Street filled by smoke and that backdrop of chaos and destruction. This year's photo fills those spaces with the Bostonians who wrote the Boston Strong story."

The Time Between

For all those who have trained for the 2014 Boston Marathon, it's called Taper Madness; the time after the last long run and Boston Marathon Monday. For those who have been part of support crew, like myself, it's called the time between. Fund raisers and water stops are done. There's no more hustle and bustle between now and Marathon Monday.

Ordinarily taper madness is a time that has used a lot of humor:



Just google Taper Madness and a whole host of articles come up in the search. I expressed the feelings of restlessness that prevail before the marathon in my blog from 4/18/2009: A Different Kind of Saturday.

But this year has a very different feel to Taper Madness. There is a restless energy throughout the city of Boston as we anticipate the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. There is also an air of excitement as Boston gets ready to run again. I have my friends' bib numbers uploaded into the AT & T Athlete Alert. We are planning out where we will be and logistics for race day given the new security regulations for spectators as well as runners.

I know that I am not alone when I say I just want race day to arrive and be over. I want leaves back on the trees and I want to go to the beach.

But I also know how precious this time between is. I notice the subtle changes that are happening within and around me. Last week I took this photo of the first crocuses poking through at Spaulding Rehab:



and here they are a week later:



I am riding the waves of emotions from sadness and heartbreak to delight that winter is over to excitement that we will celebrate Marathon Monday as a family cheering on our running family and every emotion that is part of being human. And I think about what Tara Brach teaches about being able to experience the vastness of our emotions.

"When we know we're the ocean, we are free to relate to the waves with respect, compassion and love."

I was inspired to write the poem The Time Between when we arrived at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center before hearing Tara Brach's Dharma Talk and book signing for True Refuge which I write about in my blog: Meeting Tara Brach and the Sacred Pause.

How are you spending the time between?

The Time Between from A Celebration of Life

Hidden from sidewalk’s view
I open unpainted gate
to enter the time between
a few brave grass blades poke through
is it Spring yet?

barely visible buds on tree
a chill in the air
contemplative walk
through garden’s gravel path

taking time
between each breath
a moment of death
an awakening to this precious gift
in every season

but what a gift
the time between.

Feeling and Healing: One Week From Today

It does not seem possible that one week from today is the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. There are times when I feel myself wanting to just go numb and wake up on 4/22 after everything is over. That was my response to trauma in the past. While it is adaptive in the immediate aftermath of a trauma, in the long run, numbing out does not allow for healing to happen. And when one shuts down the pain, the feelings of joy, gratitude, love, compassion, awareness and being awake to all the wonderful things in life that are happening also get shut down.

I've been taken by surprise by my feelings during this past year. I'd find myself feeling "off" and upset and look at the calendar to find it was the 15th of the month again. I experienced an intensity in some months and other months it was a whisper of a reminder of what happened. Some months I felt I "turned a corner" as we shifted from how many months since the bombing to counting down to Boston and then a flood of emotions would reappear the following month.

Spaulding Rehab held a meeting with Dr. Chris Carter, team psychologist for the Race for Rehab team on March 13th. When I saw Jane Weingarten, I was overcome with emotion. While I had seen Jane at Spaulding's Set Sail event from a distance, I had not seen her "up close" since we were in the buffet line together at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel on April 15th. It was as though time had stopped and we were back in that moment before the bombing. One moment we were feasting and anticipating the runners coming in and a few moments later we found ourselves in a state of terror and uncertainty. We were united in that moment and yet we went our separate ways after being evacuated from the hotel.

At Sunday's Marathon Sports Cambridge 5 Mile Run and 3 Mile City Walk, I was once again surprised as I was overcome by emotion as I saw our dear friend, owner of Marathon Sports, Colin Peddie. Few words were needed between us. There was a knowing and an understanding and a sense of healing that here we were almost a year later preparing for this year's marathon.

There is no rhyme or reason to what feelings and moods might surface when but this I do know, feeling is healing.

I feel butterflies and rumblings in my belly as I anticipate next Tuesday. I plan to go to Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding as I do every Tuesday morning and then I am going to meet with Suzanne Corkin, Ph.D. in her office at MIT to talk about my healing journey with paralytic polio and trauma.

This Thursday I am going to Copley Square to see the finish line, the exhibit at the Boston Public Library and then having dinner at Stephanie's on Newbury Street. I met the operations manager, Leo, who was wearing a Boston Strong 4/15/13 Survivor shirt at Sunday's race..

Sunday we volunteer for the B.A.A. with my beloved Merrimack Valley Striders running club. Tom and I are honorary members of the Club and Tom Licciardello invited us to submit our volunteer request to do packet stuffing with him as the Team Captain.

The following Saturday, Tom runs the first race in the BAA Distance Medley and there will be a ground swell of pre-marathon activities.

And then, before we know it, it will be Marathon Monday again.

Singing Boston Strong: Spotlight on Boston and Boston University

I came to Boston from Westchester, New York when I was 17 years old. I began my freshman year at Boston University in 1971, one month after my father ended his life. I lived at "The Zoo", 700 Commonwealth Avenue. I fell in love with the City and all the hope and possibility it offered to me. Like so many New Yorkers from Westchester or Long Island, we came to Boston and never left.

I graduated from the School of Public Communication, now COM in 1976 after being in Business, Liberal Arts, a brief stint at Northeastern University to become a lab tech and then I fell in love with Public Relations and writing. I had an amazing journalism professor, Bob Sales, who taught us how to write news stories on manual typewriters using an egg timer to help us meet "deadlines".

I was hired by Boston University's Counseling Center to do intake and PR. The director suggested I use my gifts of empathy and compassion to pursue a career in social work. One of my volunteer veterans who I supervised as a social worker at the VA was best friends with "The Admiral" Wendell Norman Johnson, "Norm" to his friends, who was the Dean of Students at Boston University. I returned to the BU Campus in May of 2007 to deliver a poetic tribute to Norm at his memorial service.

Fast forward to 2011 when my husband was running the Boston Marathon for Childrens Hospital. I approached Dean Elmore who had been very close friends with Norm about having an a cappella concert as a fund raiser. He was totally on board with it. He gave a rousing speech before the concert began about coming together as a community for a good old fashioned "barn raising". It was a rousing success - Signed, Sealed and Delivered we raised over $5,000 for Childrens Hospital.



When my friend Greg Gordon who is running the 2014 Boston Marathon as part of Spaulding's Race for Rehab team and I talked about doing a fund raiser for his Boston Marathon run, it made perfect sense for me to return to Boston University for an evening of a cappella. I knew that I did not have another marathon in me. Although I could not go the distance in miles, I could go the distance with putting together a fundraiser to benefit Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I was a member of their 2009 Race for Rehab team as a mobility impaired runner. That's when Greg and I first met.



The Boston Marathon has been a part of my life ever since I came to Boston in 1971 and in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings when Greg and I were together at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, I knew that I needed to take action to heal.

From my memoir, Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility:

We woke up early on April 15, 2013. You would have thought we were running the Boston Marathon again. Tom and I had a ‘perfect’ morning together enjoying the coverage on WBZ TV and leisurely making our way to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel for a reunion with some of our Race for Rehab team members. Although I grew up in New York, I called Boston home since 1971 when I began my freshman year at Boston University. Following numerous orthopedic surgeries when I hobbled around on crutches, I would often joke, “No I’m not going to run the marathon this year, maybe next year.” Be careful what you say out loud to the Universe.

We rounded up 5 phenomenal a cappella groups who have been featured in my blog this week.

And one day, while I was on facebook, I saw a link that Boston University was going to select a team to run this year's Boston Marathon in honor of Lu Lingzi who was killed in the Boston Marathon Bombings. When I met with Dean Elmore a few weeks ago to talk about the concert, we agreed that having a moment of silence in honor of Lu was a crucial part of our program.

When I googled who was selected for the team, I discovered that Dan Mercurio who was friends with my children at Brookline High School was on the team. Here he is being interviewed by Ann Curry the day after the bombings:



Here is the link to the statements of the members of the team that are running in Lu's memory to raise money for a Scholarship Fund in her memory.

This Friday will be a time to celebrate, commemorate and raise money for Spaulding Rehab where many of the survivors of the bombing were able to find their strength and rebuild their lives after the tragedy of 4/15/13. I found my strength there a little over 7 years ago and continue to find my strength through their Aquatics Therapy program. We will come together as a community to heal through music and to inspire Greg and others who will be taking that 26.2 mile journey on 4/21/14. We will be Singing Boston Strong!

Donate to Greg's fund raising page and in the comments section write how many tickets you would like set aside. We will have them ready for you at the will call table. Minimum suggested donation/ticket is $10 to reserve your spot for one of the hottest a cappella shows Spring.

See you on Friday!

On Hope, Faith, Healing and Grace

Even before I looked out the window this morning, I heard the wind howling letting me know that winter is not ready to say goodbye anytime soon. As I opened the curtains I saw the barren trees, remnants of ice and snow on the ground, a cloudy, cold grey sky and the brown leaves that still cover our lawn. There was no time to do Fall yard clean up before the first snowstorm hit.

I know Spring is poised and ready to make her appearance. I know how magnificent that warm sun feels on my face and I rejoice when our evergreen bush mysteriously blooms every year:



This cold, harsh seemingly never ending winter seems to parallel our recovery from the Boston Marathon bombings. We are poised and ready to move on; to move beyond the harsh reality of the events of 4/15/13 and know with hope and faith that Spring always comes again.

There are some days when the sadness, the nausea and all of the physical manifestations of having experienced the bombings seem that they will never end. And just as there are unexpected moments of being swept away by the emotions from that day (and for me a long history of surviving trauma), there are moments of joy, gratitude, love, excitement, exhilaration, light and a deep appreciation for being able to see all there is to embrace in this life of ours.

April is right around the corner. My friend Tina posted this video from 4/29/13 on Facebook this morning:



"And this time next year on the 3rd Monday in April, the world will return to this great American city....to this state of Grace."

I was dreading the arrival of two weeks from Tuesday, 4/15/14 and realized that I was struggling against allowing myself to just feel. And the thing about feelings is that once you try to fend off any feelings, all feelings end up suppressed. I was fighting the tears. I was fighting the depression I felt fearing its weight would crush me yet once I gave into those feelings and allowed myself to go to bed at 7:30pm last night and stay in bed until around 9 this morning, I feel a sense of renewal. Feelings of strength, resilience, courage, yes anger is in there too, and the power of the Spirit to not only survive but thrive rise!

I did not know how I was going to spend the anniversary of 4/15 but the Universe had orchestrated the day for me back in November when I experienced a "Coincidence" after Aquatics Therapy class.

Suzanne Corkin, Ph.D. and I were trying to find a time to get together for me to share my healing odyssey with her. In yesterday's email, she proposed Tuesday 4/15. I hesitated not sure for a moment if that was a good choice for me and then I felt Spirit leap within me letting me know that it is a perfect way to spend the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings. I'll be sharing my message of healing, hope and possibility and how despite all the odds stacked against me as a result of paralytic polio, trauma and the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I held onto hope and had faith that I would be able to find healing in my life whatever the actual physical outcome of that healing might be.

And as we prepare as individuals and as a City for the anniversary and then the running of the 118th Boston Marathon, my fervent prayer is that we are all able to live in a state of grace.

My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"This year's different...there's a lot of intensity."

Ever since I arrived in Boston in 1971, the Boston Marathon has been a part of my life.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

We woke up early on April 15, 2013. You would have thought we were running the Boston Marathon again. Tom and I had a ‘perfect’ morning together enjoying the coverage on WBZ TV and leisurely making our way to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel for a reunion with some of our Race for Rehab team members. Although I grew up in New York, I called Boston home since 1971 when I began my freshman year at Boston University. Following numerous orthopedic surgeries when I hobbled around on crutches, I would often joke, “No I’m not going to run the marathon this year, maybe next year.” Be careful what you say out loud to the Universe.

I saw a link to the WHDH news story "Runners stop for painting of Boston Marathon finish line."

Bill Rodgers said, "This year's different...there's a lot of intensity."

I love Bill and the way that he states things so simply yet with such eloquence.

Here he is at the unveiling of the banners this year with a powerful conviction about the Boston Marathon and Bostonians:



I was blessed to meet Bill Rodgers in Hyannis 5 years ago



as I was preparing to run my first half marathon ever and then this year as he signed a copy of "Marathon Man: My 26.2 Mile Journey from Unknown Grad Student to the Top of the Running World."



He is so unassuming and perhaps one of the things I love most about being in the running community is that the every day runner can stand and chit chat with elite runners. As an aside, Bill Rodgers does say in his book that he hates the term elite runner. In his book, he sees the Boston Marathon first as a college student in Connecticut. His roommate, Amby Burfoot is the one who introduces him to endurance running. He offers a wonderful historical perspective about the race.

When we were training for Boston 2009, our daughter happened to be sitting next to Johnny (the elder) Kelley's nephew Tom and his wife Dottie on our return flight from Puerto Rico. We had to get out of the brutal cold for five days and train in warmer weather. We were treated to stories about Johnny and an autographed photo of Johnny graces our living room wall.



The other day I was going through our Boston 2009 Memorabilia and came across the note they sent us:

This is a poster created by Adidas for the 2004 BAA Marathon. I had Johnny sign a few when we roomed together at the Copley Plaza that week, and I know he would have gladly signed one for your family if he were here. Perhaps it will inspire you to run a good race, especially the last 6 miles. Johnny was an inspiration to many of us amateur runners and he lives on in the memories of countless runners. You can get a copy of his book Young at Heart on Amazon I believe. You'll note that his forefathers came over to the USA on the SS Marathon!!! Keep on running as I do..We loved your website and maybe some day we can meet again.

We did meet again when we picked up our bib numbers for the 2009 Marathon.

This year IS different. And to be honest, I don't even know how to begin to process or where to put the range of intense feelings I am experiencing as we prepare for the one year anniversary of the bombings and as we get ready for Marathon Monday in just a few weeks. In yesterday's post I shared how we decided we would not be at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel this year and needed to be cheering on our friends on Beacon Street either at Cleveland Circle or Dean Road.

Part of me wants to savor every moment leading up to Marathon Monday. Being support crew for the last long run this Saturday.

Greg Gordon's Boston Marathon Fundraiser Singing Boston Strong: An Evening of A Cappella Music to Benefit Spaulding Rehab



Tom's running of the BAA 5K and then packet stuffing the following weekend.

And part of me just wants it all to be over with!

Instead, I will breathe deeply and abide with whatever feelings may come up no matter how intensely because well - this year's Boston Marathon is different.

Countdown to Boston-Moving On

It's not easy to move one.

I had to learn how to move on after contracting paralytic polio at the age of 5.

After 9 years of unrelenting childhood trauma, I had to find a way to move on with my life. One month after my father committed suicide, I arrived as a freshman at Boston University in 1971.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006, I wasn't sure how I would ever be able to move on with my life but I ended up running the 2009 Boston Marathon as a mobility impaired runner.



Three years ago, after my nephew's suicide in March, I wasn't sure how I would be able to move on. I thought I would never return to running and thought for sure that at that time, all that I had endured would finally win. But my Spirit wouldn't let that happen and I was able to move on.

And most recently there was 4/15/13....

One more long run and then taper time for those training for Boston 2014. For me, I have one more support crew for Spaulding Rehab's last long run next Saturday, one more fundraiser, Greg Gordon's Boston Marathon Fundraiser, "Singing Boston Strong: An Evening of A Cappella to Benefit Spaulding Rehab", BAA Packet Stuffing and our L Street Pre Marathon Meeting.

On the 11 month anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings, I could feel emotions begin to thaw and flow just like the lakes, ponds, and reservoirs are doing here in New England. The time of busy-ness is winding down for me. It's time to allow healing to happen and move on.


As we countdown to Boston, I realized that I needed a new bodywork practitioner who could bring me to a place of deeper relaxation and healing through massage and bodywork. My previous practitioner and I were out of sync. I realized that the dynamics in our relationship were not healthy. I knew this time of healing was too important in my life to settle for anything less than what I needed to continue to heal especially as we approach the anniversary of 4/15/13.

I was so blessed to find my way to Sollievo Massage and Bodywork in Cambridge. My new therapist, Joseph Brescia, LMT is a trained mental health practitioner and has over 20 years of experience as a massage therapist. He incorporates several modalities into the 90 minute session and I feel a renewed sense of healing, hope and possibility as I take my healing journey to the next level.

I notice that traumatic memories from my past that still need healing are surfacing in my body in the wake of 4/15/13 but they are also being released to create space and freedom for me to fully live. I notice the physical sensations from that day coming to the surface. They seem to have a mind of their own but in truth it is the energy from experiencing the bombings, then needing to evacuate and all that was experienced absorbed in my body that is working its way through me. I continue to experience a deep sense of gratitude for how blessed we were to be spared so much that day.

And my heart is open and filled with gratitude for the blessings and the healing that have come out of the tragic events of last year's Boston Marathon. I had gone into the day with high hopes that perhaps this was the year Ernst van Dyk would win his 10th Boston. I had wonderful expectations for celebrating my 2009 Boston Marathon run with several of my Race for Rehab teammates regaling them as they entered the ballroom as I was once regaled. While none of that would happen and instead we were faced with a day filled with tragedy, I have been blessed to rekindle connections with people I had lost touch with since 2009, deepen friendships with people in my life, move on from relationships that were rife with struggle and old patterns, and connect with new friends through a common bond of love and healing. There is unconditional love and acceptance and listening with compassion.

On Friday evening, Team McManus, made a decision that we are not going to return to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel this year to be with Spaulding Rehab and the Race for Rehab Team. We knew that given the size of the team and the emotional frenzy that is sure to accompany this year's marathon, that being there would not give us an opportunity to heal and move on. I could feel my nervous system ignite when I thought about being back in the Suite at the Mandarin. I realized that I needed to make peace with what was and to allow all of the emotions to wash through me.

We will be outside in Brookline on Marathon Monday not far from where we live beaming love and smiles for all of our friends who will lace up their shoes and are running Boston 2014 as they move on from 4/15/13.

Saturday evening, I attended a fund raiser for Katie Eastman of Team Miles4Smiles. It was as much a group therapy session as it was a fund raiser. One of the beautiful people I met as a result of 4/15/13 is Elizabeth Comeau. Today she writes about moving on in her blog Day 28: The Spot.

Yesterday, my friend Tina Perry Karas' was interviewed on WBZ. Tina is one of the friend's I reconnected with by renewing my membership with L Street after the bombings realizing how important it is to stay connected with those who matter most to us. We have known each other since 2010 when I was a speaker at the L Street Pre Marathon Meeting to inspire the runners. In 2011, she was kind enough to videotape my impromptu speech at the behest of Club President "Mac" to fill in while Greg Meyer made his way to the Club.

WGBH news posted this article this morning with the theme One Year Later: At Site of Marathon Bombing, Gearing up for Another One. It features, Jon Masters a new friend I met through Elizabeth and my beloved Marathon Sports family.

And here's how two Boston Marathon bombing survivors are moving on after their lives were forever changed almost one year ago:

Adrianne Haslet-Davis dances again on the stage at TED.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2587434/Boston-bombing-survivor-Jeff-Bauman-announces-engagement-long-term-girlfriend-happy-couple-expecting-child-July.html

As we count down to Boston, each one in their own unique way is finding ways to heal and move on. But none of us is moving on alone. We are moving forward as a community whose fabric has been made stronger by the very events that tested its strength. We run together. We heal together. We move on together.

The Importance of Sharing Our Stories-Courage to be Vulnerable

I was blessed to meet champions Bill Rodgers and Frank Shorter at the 2009 Hyannis Marathon before and after I ran my first half marathon ever.



When I came into the ballroom, Frank Shorter made sure he connected with me amidst the thousands of runners celebrating after the race. He could tell that the run had taken a lot of out of me. I was shivering from the sleet that had started falling during the last several miles of the race. He put both of his hands on either side of my arms, looked at me straight in the eye and told me how much courage and strength I had to do what I had just done. He told me he had no doubt that I was going to cross the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon. He told me to hydrate, get some hot soup and take a hot shower. He signed the back of my bib.

Fast forward to yesterday as the media frenzy begins with the coverage of the 2014 Boston Marathon. I saw this Runner's World article about Frank Shorter deciding to not run Boston this year, although he had begun to train for it. He would rather return to covering the event for Universal Sports which is where he was when the bombs exploded last year. There was a line in the article that caught my eye:

Shorter remembered his own experience with childhood abuse,

I clicked on the link: Frank's Story from a 2011 Runner's World article.

Frank had seen me as a survivor of paralytic polio who came out of a wheelchair and leg brace to take on the Boston Marathon. I saw him through my starry eyes of meeting an Olympic Gold Medalist and an elite runner in every sense of the word.

When I met him in 2010 at Hyannis, I had brought my bib from Boston for him and Bill Rodgers to sign. Frank Shorter signed it: To Mary, You're unbelievable.



Neither one of us knew that we lived through the same terror and fear with fathers who were psychotic and inflicted unimaginable physical and emotional harm on their children. Frank had not shared his story until 2011. Yet the two of us shared this deep, powerful connection with each other; almost a wordless knowing about what it took for us to be where we were in our lives.

When we have the courage to be vulnerable and share our stories, magic happens. Walls come down and people suddenly say, "oh my goodness that happened to me..." or "that happened to a dear friend of mine" or "what a brave soul you are". People have the opportunity to look beyond the horrific acts of violence to witness the incredible resilience of the human Spirit.

I was even quoted in the Cape Cod Times after completing my first half marathon:

Mary McManus, 55, of Brookline completed her first half-marathon after making a remarkable recovery from a life-long battle against post-polio syndrome.

She spent time at the Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital and began running just last February. She competed in her first race in June 2008, finishing a 5K.

"It's like having a new lease on life," said McManus, who ran yesterday's half-marathon with husband Tom. "I was limping my way through life, but then decided to do something about it."

As we countdown to Boston, we are all looking beyond the horrific acts of violence to see the resilience and strength and courage of the human Spirit. We are finding the courage to share our stories and be vulnerable as was Shane O'Hara as the banners were unveiled yesterday.



I am so glad that I found the courage to be vulnerable and share my story in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.



We all need to share our healing stories and share the message of healing, hope and possibility!

Out of our deepest wounds.....

As I was writing my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,"



this quote came to me:

Out of our deepest wounds we find our greatest strength, our most beautiful treasures and the knowledge that love is far greater and more powerful than any experience we endure. ~Mary McManus

After the Boston Marathon bombings, this quote took on even greater meaning for me. As we near the anniversary of 4/15/13, and as we prepare for 4/21/14, I see this Truth being manifested all around me.

Adrianne Haslet-Davis vowed that she would dance again even though she lost her lower left leg in the bombings. And yesterday she did just that at the TED conference in Vancouver. There are many news stories covering the event. My favorite so far has been the Boston Globe's article, Marathon bombing survivor dances onstage at TED talk. And a longer article from TED, A first dance on a next generation bionic limb.

The banners are being unveiled today in Boston. A sure rite of Spring.

Boston's Mayor Walsh had this to say in a press release:

“The Boston Marathon street banners mark the kick-off of a world-class event the City of Boston is so proud to host,” Walsh said in a news release. “This year, we have the opportunity to reflect and draw inspiration from the strength and courage of all those affected by last year’s tragedy — by the heroics of our first responders and caregivers, and by the countless acts of selflessness throughout our community.”

As I have been reading news stories and look at the date on the calendar, I feel such a wide range of intense emotions. I've been crying a lot this morning - healing tears filled with sadness overflowing from a raw heart that has borne witness to the darkest side of humanity beginning when I was 8 years old; and tears of joy and gratitude. Tears of hope and tears that glisten with possibility that, as Hugh Herr said during his TED talk, "I didn’t view my body as broken. I reasoned that a human being can never be broken." It's funny that my working title for my memoir had been Broken Into Wholeness and then I came to realize that I was never broken only wounded and in need of healing.

My heart leaps with joy as I anticipate Spring after this long New England winter feeling as though the Polar Vortex would never leave us. Just as we feel that the pain and pangs of grief and trauma will never leave us, Spring always comes again.

And it bears repeating:

Out of our deepest wounds we find our greatest strength, our most beautiful treasures and the knowledge that love is far greater and more powerful than any experience we endure. ~Mary McManus