A Little Trash Talk: Thoughts on Training for a PR

The last time I trash talked in my blog was before the 2010 Jingle Bell 5K Run. I was at the height of my running career feeling well in my body and taking such delight in being a part of the running community.

But life happened in March of 2011 with my nephew's suicide that shook me to my core. I took a little detour on my healing journey and have been working my way back to myself mind, body and Spirit.

I had not even entertained PR's or trash talk since April of 2013 when I began running again. At the Corrib Pub 5K and the Father Bullock Charity Road Race, I ran a 15:30 minute/mile pace. I feel so blessed to be back on the roads and a part of the running community.

But last Saturday, the spark of trash talk was ignited in my soul after Tom and I trained for the Inaugural Bill Rodgers 5K Prostate Cancer Run and Walk.



I put it out there on Facebook in the 5k Manics Group:

Anyone doing the Bill Rodgers 5K & Boston Prostate Cancer Walk this Sunday? I'm stoked and weather and my body permitting, I'm visualizing a PR.

My friend Ken wrote:

You will float like a butterfly on that course, Mary. This will make you feel good...
...and it will definitely extend the life of your running shoes!

I loved his butterfly image since Bill Rodgers used to chase butterflies when he was a boy.

I wrote about our training run in my post, The Best Time.

Yesterday I went out for an easy shake out 3.1 miler. I did a very easy 16'20" minute/mile pace. I remember when that was my best pace. Now it's in my comfort zone. I used the run to visualize Sunday's race.

I imagined the run I had on Saturday only this time, I added in spectators and the presence of Bill Rodgers.

I entertained the idea of Bill Rodgers coming back to run in the back of the packers and celebrating my PR with him and race director J Alain Ferry.

I thought about Tom pacing me and about seeing the finisher's clock at 47:00 minutes. I won't look at my Nike+. I am going to run from the inside out seeing what this body can do on race day. I even brought tears to my eyes imagining the feeling of having my best race since returning to the roads after 4/15/13.

But it's not all about imagining the outcome. I had last Saturday's run on the course, my shake out run yesterday and Aquatics Therapy this morning strapping on my 5 pound ankle weights and working out in the deeper water. I focused on building core strength and upper body strength crucial to good running. One more Aquatics Therapy class tomorrow for what I'd like to call my last chance workout before the race.


Friday and Saturday are rest days. I am going to make a playlist not to listen to during the race but to inspire me on the days leading up to the race. I will continue to visualize my run and know what it will feel like to run a PR. One word of caution to me though. I will not visualize my race before going to sleep.

In "Run to Overcome", Meb shares how he visualized a race the night before he was to run a race. He woke up sweaty and tired and ran a horrible race. He realized that visualization is important for racing but not the night before the race. His experience validates what I know to be true about the power of visualization.

It doesn't matter what the outcome of my race on Sunday will be. I'm having fun enjoying a little trash talk and prepping myself mind, body and Spirit for a PR. It's been awhile since I allowed myself this sense of fun and play. I feel a confidence in myself on this course and it's a delight to anticipate an all out effort on race day. It's been too long since I gave myself this opportunity ... way too long!


"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.



"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Precious Moments: Advice to My Younger and Not So Younger Self

If there was one piece of advice I would give to my younger (and not so younger self) it would be to remember that moments are precious and wisely choose how you spend your time.



Trust your gut. Listen to your intuition and to your heart. They will not lead you astray. And then take a deep breath and exhale letting everything go.

As a survivor of paralytic polio, I was a fierce Type A personality who believed that I could push and force my way through anything. It served me well as I learned how to walk again and again - and again after many surgeries; and when channeled into my work at the VA as a champion for veterans, it helped to transform lives.

The down side of this belief is that I had trouble walking away from situations that did not serve me. During my meditation this morning I reflected on what does it mean "does not serve me"? It's a phrase we kick around a lot these days. I thought about the word serve. Are the choices I am making nourish me? Do they make me smile and bring joy into my life? Or conversely, are they choices that are an entanglement from days gone by.

The seeds of not valuing my worth were planted after I contracted paralytic polio and then grew into unwieldy weeds, if you will, with the fertilizer of 9 years of violence. Yes, I am smiling with that image. I weeded that plot of the garden of my life. In its place I put down my roots of self love, compassion, kindness and tenderness.

As I look back on choices I made since retirement, I can understand what drove me to hang in there until the often times bitter end of a situation.

But no more!

If something doesn't feel right and is not going to serve me, I, as gracefully as I can, exit stage left.

I take more time for stillness and meditation these days allowing my body to finally heal...and to listen to the promptings of my heart. The time in stillness gives rise to the flow of creativity. And I no longer worry about having something to do with my time. The Universe is always setting choices before me. I'm also learning how to enjoy Being in my life now without necessarily needing to do anything.

This summer I have been taking note of the warm sun. I make a special mental note of how wonderful it feels to go to Aquatics Therapy in shorts and a t shirt and not needing to dry my hair or the joy of running in one layer of running clothes.

I move my "office" around the yard to soak up the sun and the fresh air knowing that here in New England the Fall and Winter are right around the corner.

I'm taking the advice to my younger and not so younger self to work to stay present and enjoy these precious moments to serve myself well and then serve the world.




"Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.



"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Running Free

I tend to have vivid dreams that I can recall in the morning. They are a very important part of my healing journey. Many of them have not been pleasant to say the least but I know that the trauma dreams, as I like to call them (as opposed to nightmares) have been an important tool as I heal the effects of trauma and paralytic polio. It's exciting to experience the progression of healing through my dreams and then to experience the transformation in my life.

Last year I had several powerful dreams with my grandmother. In one, I show her that I have the ability to create an out of body experience to avoid her terror and in another dream, I felt utterly wretched for daring to stand up to her.

This morning I had an early morning dream. My mother and grandmother were standing there just as they looked in life. No more fear. No more terror. No confrontations. No need to dissociate and withdraw. I ran by them feeling strong, empowered and free.

I had no expectations for today's run. Wednesdays are usually an Aquatics Therapy day for me but with the holiday week, class was cancelled. I could have gone to the Boston University pool but the weather was so gorgeous outside that I didn't want to be indoors. I was thinking of combining a walk with a swim at Houghton's Pond or going to our local outdoor pool for a swim.

I opted for a 3.1 miler; twice around the Route 9 Reservoir and then to Dean Road. There is a huge hill on the loop back.

I was initially going to walk at a leisurely, comfortable pace as I had when we did my first 6.1 miler on Heartbreak Hill. I pushed my pace on Saturday's training run for the Tufts 10K and took 4 minutes off of my time. On Monday, my daughter and I did speed work.

I got up early feeling refreshed after a solid 10 hours of sleep to have breakfast with Tom before he left for work. We really value and treasure our time together now that we are both in our 60's. I am so grateful that he is willing and able to continue to work full time to support us financially.

I decided it was a perfect opportunity to get out and do an early run to try to beat the heat and humidity.

I was out the door by 8 am.

There was a breeze and shade when I started out. I wanted to make it a leisurely pace but something inside of me wanted to do more and so after a little warm up, I picked up the pace.

I did not have any time goal in mind and as the sun got hotter and the day more humid, I knew that I had to be careful with how I was running.

I stopped for water and walked at times.

It was me, my iPod and Nike+ along with the geese, ducks, squirrels and rabbits.

And I noticed there was something very different about this run.

I tried to figure it out. What was I feeling?

I was smiling. I was happy. I was pouring sweat. I was working hard. I was deeply connected to myself, to the moment, to my mission.

I know I have absolutely nothing to prove but I felt a need to push my pace. What was my mission anyway?

Was I feeling angry? Was I outrunning my past? Was I proving that I could overcome post polio syndrome?
The answer came back no to every question I asked.

And then it hit me. For the first time I wasn't breaking away or running away or proving them wrong ...

for the first time, I was me - running free!



And if you are curious about my time, it's the first consistent sub 16 minute/mile pace on a training run with a negative split of 32 seconds from mile 1 to mile 2 and a 16 second split from mile 1 to mile 3. It's my best training run time since I returned to the roads a little over a year ago now after a two year running hiatus. And to be able to do it in the heat and humidity is quite an accomplishment. But more important than any time on the clock, is how I felt inside, deep in my soul to experience my own sense of greatness that I never gave up. Somewhere deep inside of me I believed a time would come when the shackles to the past would come off and I could be truly me as I wrote in my first poem, "Running the Race."

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":


I sat at my dining room table on a freezing cold dark February evening. No one else was at home. I had printouts from ‘new age’ teachers spread out all over the table. Dr. Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, teachers from “The Secret” which was very popular back in the day were beckoning me. The theme was gratitude and a call to create.

“I am so happy and grateful that I can create,” was an affirmation from a Lisa Nichols newsletter.

Create? Create? I asked myself over and over again. What am I going to create? I had twins and my childbearing years were over. My career was quickly coming to an end.

And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:

Running the Race

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.




My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

A Tincture of Time

When I worked at the VA, one of the nurse's that I worked with would often prescribe a tincture of time rather than rush in to prescribe medication. She was a fierce advocate of the healing power of time.



It's been a year since the 2013 BAA 10K, the first event after the tragic events of 4/15/13.

I remember how I felt on Saturday of last year. I told Tom and Ruth Anne (my husband and daughter) that there was no way I could be a spectator at the race even though they were running in it. Anxiety overwhelmed me as I thought about standing at the start/finish line. The memory of the terror was raw in every fiber of my body and being. You can read about last year's BAA 10K in my blog post, The BAA 10K - I Almost Didn't Go - Run Boston Strong.

I received an email from the BAA saying they needed volunteers for the BAA 10K this year. Without hesitation I said yes. I will be volunteering with the kids races.

What a difference a year makes.

Jeff Baumann is back to work at Costco.



Several of the Boston Marathon survivors crossed the finish line of the Boston Marathon and were recently honored at the Challenged Athletes Foundation gala.

The Norden Brothers have released their book, Twice as Strong and walked the entire Boston Marathon course on the anniversary of 4/15/13.

And there are many stories of weddings, couples expecting a child and life moving forward.

Today I did a 6.1 mile river run with trails, stairs, on grass and on asphalt as my training in earnest begins for the Tufts 10K for Women in October.

The day was one of those perfect 10 days in Boston. Sunny. Dry. Moderate temperatures.

Team McManus is back on the roads. We laughed as we remembered our 2009 Boston Marathon training river runs and had a few classic Team McManus training run moments.

I can't believe it's been a year since I felt that knot in my stomach and trembled with fear in anticipation of the 2013 BAA 10K.

It's amazing how much healing happens given a tincture of time.


My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Reflections on Acceptance and Appreciation

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I've always been a mover and a changer. As a social worker at the VA, I was passionate about helping my veterans and moving the system to help meet their needs.

I've always been great at the courage to change part of the serenity prayer but when it came to acceptance and the wisdom to know the difference - well not so much!

After I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome, I did not "take the diagnosis sitting down" as I like to say and got moving to make changes in my life. My journey of transformation has taken me to some amazing places like the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon. After the tragic events of 4/15/13, I returned to the running community after a two year hiatus. Knowing I did not have another marathon in me, I became part of support crew for fund raising and supporting runners during long training runs. What a blessing to be a part of the 2014 Boston Marathon training season, the phenomenal events leading up to Marathon Monday and celebrating the joy of the 118th Boston Marathon on the third Monday in April as President Obama predicted in a speech he gave on 4/18/13. Runners ran harder and we cheered louder than ever.

I was outspoken about the philosophy in Western medicine of "if you use it, you will lose it" and believed that post polio syndrome or any diagnosis for that matter was something that needed to be overcome.

But recently, in my quiet moments of meditation, I came to this realization which I recently added as an Epilogue to my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

I realize that trauma does not get out of the body nor is post polio syndrome something that needs to be defined, refuted or overcome. I learned that you cannot outrun or outsmart the past and there is no going for broke in trauma recovery. There is moving through the moments to heal. My experiences are a part of the fabric of my life and of my form but they need not define me nor rule my life. I no longer have to suffer or struggle but can find peace and equanimity honoring all that went before. I live with a neuromuscular condition and a history of trauma that took its toll on me mind, body and Spirit. Yet with fierce determination and resolve, I chose life.



And I continue to choose life, living life with passion and purpose.

I make choices that support my health and healing. I choose races that challenge me yet do not push me way beyond my limits or are going to stress me out. I know races with a fast field are not where I need to be. I accept, embrace and enjoy my role as spectator.

I love being support crew. Marathon Sports Brookline Run Group needs volunteers for the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon. I opted to volunteer at the Expo instead of a water stop. I declined the opportunity to volunteer at the Run to Remember and instead will enjoy cheering on my husband and daughter and many friends who will be running Memorial Day weekend.

I used to call Aquatics Therapy classes at Spaulding Rehab, "cross training" for running. I have a letter of medical necessity from the doctor who oversees my care for post polio syndrome for Aquatics Therapy and massage therapy. How wonderful that I can now embrace the need for Aquatics Therapy, accepting that I live with a neuromuscular condition that requires vigilance and care; strength training and exercises with a therapist trained in helping me to maximize functioning while honoring my condition.

I am no longer reckless with the choices I make.

Which brings me to appreciation. Even though Dr. Rosenberg, my post polio doc, has not seen me since after I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon, he has let me know that he is always there to support me. He is a doctor of his word. I appreciate what I have lived through and the toll that paralytic polio, 9 years of unrelenting trauma and 25 surgeries have taken on me mind, body and Spirit. My heart overflows with gratitude for the resources available to me for healing. Throughout my journey, I have had excellent health care and access to the best that Western medicine has to offer. I have found my way to Sollievo Massage and Bodywork where biweekly massage sessions for deep relaxation and healing incorporate the mind/body therapy of Zero Balancing.

While there were times of financial uncertainty after I quit my job at the height of my award winning career as a VA social worker, I was finally able to swallow my pride and applied for social security disability which Dr. Rosenberg suggested to me at my first visit to the post polio clinic. He was an advocate for me to ensure that I received my benefits quickly; 5 months from the time I applied to when I was approved. My husband has a wonderful job with benefits. He was the first to say it was a no brainer when my team at Spaulding told me I needed to quit my job if I had any hope of stabilizing the symptoms of post polio syndrome.

Life is so sweet now. I am no longer fighting against my body trying to create change. There is nothing more to prove. I embrace the miracle of healing and my journey of transformation having no idea what the future may hold for me. I do know that I am grateful to be here now with all that I have lived through, the challenges I live with and all that is wonderful and beautiful about my life now. My intention is to be a source of inspiration for others with my message of healing, hope and possibility that now echoes the refrain of the Serenity Prayer.

A Golden Thread of Gratitude from A Celebration of Life

From toe tips to crown of head
imagine
a golden thread of gratitude
open your heart and remember

after a bitter cold Winter
Springtime blossoms

shedding bulk of winter’s heavy coat
summer grass tickling bare feet
delighting the sole

heart swells
appreciation overflows
flowers waving in gentle breezes
weave a circle of love
a hoop of healing.

"There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you." -Steve Maraboli

One Year Later - A Picture of Strength - A Message of Hope

Today's cover of Sports Illustrated showing Boston Strong a day after the one year annivesary of the Boston Marathon bombings:



I am proud to call myself a Bostonian. Yesterday's tribute and services were filled with grace, Truth, dignity, honesty and integrity. I cried as the rain poured and the wind howled as the day wore on but nothing could dampen the spirits of Boston to commemorate and celebrate our strength and resilience as individuals and as a community.

We shared photos and thoughts on Facebook and Twitter as we had one year ago to come together as a community both in real life and in cyberspace. I could feel how the cloud of trauma that blanketed our hearts and our city had dissipated and now is a time to continue moving forward in healing and hope.

Most of the survivors continue to face a long and arduous road of rehabilitation and it is a lifelong journey now. I know what it means to experience a lifelong journey of rehabilitation although certainly not to the extent that many of the survivors face. My life was forever changed in a moment when I contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 followed by years of unrelenting trauma.

As Adrianne Haslet-Davis so poignantly stated during the tribute at the Hynes Convention Center, Life can go horribly, horrifically wrong in a matter of seconds but it's up to us to make every second count thereafter and believe me they do count.

So now we move from the one year anniversary to countdown to Marathon Monday. I have so many emotions in the mix right now. Part of me wants to wake up on 4/22 knowing all of my dear friends have crossed the finish line safely and accomplished whatever it is they wanted and needed to accomplish on Monday. Part of me is excited to see the race especially after reading articles about the elite athletes and seeing Shalene Flanagan on 60 Minutes.

I know that all I can do is ride the waves of emotions, continue doing what I do day in and day out and experience this most unique time in the history of the Boston Marathon.

Today John Hancock asked the question "What does #weruntogether mean to you --

#weruntogether also means #wehealtogether we find our strength together and uphold each other when we are not feeling so strong. #weruntogether also means that whether we run or are spectators and support crew, each of us is an integral thread of the tapestry that woven together makes us Boston Strong!

One year later we are a picture of strength and a message of hope!

The Finish Line

The finish line of a year of grieving and healing is in sight. Tuesday marks the one year anniversary of 4/15/13. A week from Monday, over 36,000 runners toe the line at Hopkinton for the 118th running of the Boston Marathon.



I remember seeing the President's speech at the memorial service on Youtube on April 18th of last year wondering - is that possible?

Last year, before we left for the Mandarin Oriental Hotel to be a part of Spaulding Rehab's Race for Rehab special day, I felt this burning need to change the title of my blog from Welcome to a New World which had been the title since I started blogging in 2008. I changed it to healing, hope and possibility.

Yesterday, I visited the finish line of the Boston Marathon. The staging is going up at the finish line. The sky was blue. There was a chill in the air as the wind gusted at times yet the sun was warm. It was a wonderful metaphor for the transformation from winter to Spring; from grieving to healing and for slowly and mindfully moving forward physically and emotionally from the events of 4/15/13.

My daughter and I visited the Boston Marathon Memorial Exhibit at the Boston Public Library.

Right after you enter



there is a guest book that reminded me of a guest book you sign at a funeral.

A display of running shoes left at the outdoor memorial is set up front and center.



The exhibit is arranged by themes



My breath caught when I saw a Race for Rehab singlet in a display case saying Spaulding Rehab will help survivors find their strength and quality of life. They sure helped me find mine back in 2006-2007!



As you move through the exhibit, the last theme is Boston Still Shines Bright:



And there are bare trees with daffodils planted at the base of those trees with messages of healing, hope and love that visitors write on a tag and hang on the branches:



After leaving the exhibit, there was a reporter taping at the finish line, "It's been almost one year since two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon...."

Almost one year...the finish line of a year unlike any of us ever anticipated when we got up on the morning of April 15th, 2013. I have repeatedly said throughout this year how blessed and fortunate we were to be spared so much. Had we received the text that our friend had crossed the 40K mark, we would have been downstairs on Boylston Street across from the Forum waiting for him to come down Boylston Street to claim his medal and feel the exhilaration of having run the Boston Marathon.

We felt the explosion. We saw the smoke. Fortunately we had not been looking out the window when the second bomb exploded. We felt the terror and uncertainty of what we were walking into after we were evacuated. We smelled the bombs and we saw and heard every emergency vehicle careen down Huntington Avenue as we walked faster than I could remember in a long time to what we hoped would be safety.

Lockdown brought another day of terror.

But we are moving forward. Time, patience, love, community, my return to running, being support crew, fundraising for Spaulding and journaling bring healing. The process cannot be rushed anymore than the transformation from Winter to Spring can be rushed. And everyone heals in their own way and their own time.

My dear friend Tom Licciardello wrote a beautiful piece Runners Corner: Boston Marathon Buildup Intensifies as Race Draws Near.

I wonder if this year will mend the damage done last year, or will it reopen emotional wounds?

Will my friends, who didn’t get to finish last year’s race, feel fulfilled when they cross the finish line?

Will the 118th Boston mark the beginning of moving forward, while not forgetting the past?

The answers will come on April 21.

Every morning, I wake up to see this:



It's a reminder to me of healing, hope and possibility. There are no words to adequately express what I felt in that moment crossing the finish line of the 113th Bostno Marathon. I can only imagine what it will be like for runners this year.

Yet every finish line is a starting line. I'm curious to see what the Facebook News Feed will be like on 4/22. I look forward to seeing an abundance of selfies on the Boston Marathon course and at the finish line. I expect to see profile pics changing filled with faces of smiles and tears and marathon medals.

But for now there is a 10 day journey to take us from now through the one year anniversary and to the starting line of the 118th Boston Marathon. But the finish line is in sight!

You can read about my journey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond in my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" now available on Amazon.

Feeling and Healing: One Week From Today

It does not seem possible that one week from today is the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. There are times when I feel myself wanting to just go numb and wake up on 4/22 after everything is over. That was my response to trauma in the past. While it is adaptive in the immediate aftermath of a trauma, in the long run, numbing out does not allow for healing to happen. And when one shuts down the pain, the feelings of joy, gratitude, love, compassion, awareness and being awake to all the wonderful things in life that are happening also get shut down.

I've been taken by surprise by my feelings during this past year. I'd find myself feeling "off" and upset and look at the calendar to find it was the 15th of the month again. I experienced an intensity in some months and other months it was a whisper of a reminder of what happened. Some months I felt I "turned a corner" as we shifted from how many months since the bombing to counting down to Boston and then a flood of emotions would reappear the following month.

Spaulding Rehab held a meeting with Dr. Chris Carter, team psychologist for the Race for Rehab team on March 13th. When I saw Jane Weingarten, I was overcome with emotion. While I had seen Jane at Spaulding's Set Sail event from a distance, I had not seen her "up close" since we were in the buffet line together at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel on April 15th. It was as though time had stopped and we were back in that moment before the bombing. One moment we were feasting and anticipating the runners coming in and a few moments later we found ourselves in a state of terror and uncertainty. We were united in that moment and yet we went our separate ways after being evacuated from the hotel.

At Sunday's Marathon Sports Cambridge 5 Mile Run and 3 Mile City Walk, I was once again surprised as I was overcome by emotion as I saw our dear friend, owner of Marathon Sports, Colin Peddie. Few words were needed between us. There was a knowing and an understanding and a sense of healing that here we were almost a year later preparing for this year's marathon.

There is no rhyme or reason to what feelings and moods might surface when but this I do know, feeling is healing.

I feel butterflies and rumblings in my belly as I anticipate next Tuesday. I plan to go to Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding as I do every Tuesday morning and then I am going to meet with Suzanne Corkin, Ph.D. in her office at MIT to talk about my healing journey with paralytic polio and trauma.

This Thursday I am going to Copley Square to see the finish line, the exhibit at the Boston Public Library and then having dinner at Stephanie's on Newbury Street. I met the operations manager, Leo, who was wearing a Boston Strong 4/15/13 Survivor shirt at Sunday's race..

Sunday we volunteer for the B.A.A. with my beloved Merrimack Valley Striders running club. Tom and I are honorary members of the Club and Tom Licciardello invited us to submit our volunteer request to do packet stuffing with him as the Team Captain.

The following Saturday, Tom runs the first race in the BAA Distance Medley and there will be a ground swell of pre-marathon activities.

And then, before we know it, it will be Marathon Monday again.

80 Days to Go...Support Crew

80 days to go until so many of my friends take their place at the starting line of the 118th Boston Marathon. Countless days are behind us since 4/15/2013 when lives were forever changed. I am reading about stories of remarkable strength and recovery.

Celeste Corcoran took her first running steps with two prosthetic legs:



Jeffrey Bauman is getting ready to release his book, "Stronger"



At the top of the book cover it reads, "I saw the bomber. He took my legs. He didn't break me. He only made me."

I know how incredibly fortunate Tom and I were to have escaped to safety after leaving the Mandarin Oriental Hotel where we were preparing to regale the runners on the Spaulding Race for Rehab Team in the suite above Boylston Street across from the Forum where the second bomb went off. Yet like everyone, we were shaken to the core. It's ironic that on the morning of 4/15/13 as we were heading to the Mandarin, Tom and I talked about whether or not he would run in '14 for Spaulding. We had begun to strategize about fund raisers.

We have no choice about what happens in our lives but we always have a choice of how we respond. While a part of me wanted to run Boston again, I knew that was not a path that would make sense for me. Tom decided this was not the year for him to run Boston again. But we knew we had to do something as we moved forward to get ready for this year's Boston Marathon.

I took the first steps on my healing journey at Spaulding Rehab Hospital where I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006 and I know the difference that the new Spaulding has made in the lives of the bombing survivors and their families who were devastated not only emotionally but physically by the bombings. I continue to find my strength in the Aquatics Therapy program. While I may not be running 26.2 miles for Spaulding, I am going the distance with two phenomenal fund raisers that I have put together in support of Karis Antokal and Greg Gordon who are running on the Race for Rehab Team with the theme of Singing Boston Strong:



Karis' Karaoke for a Kause happening on 2/20/14 from 8:00-10:00 pm at the Limelight Stage and Studios at 204 Tremont Street Boston. Suggested minimum donation is $20 and you receive a Take a Chance ticket to be entered to win an autographed Tom Brady Jersey. And don't worry if you're too shy to step up to the mic, we'll have plenty of people singing strong. Cash bar and appetizers. If you are unable to join us, with a minimum donation of $35, we'll enter you in the drawing to be held on 2/20/14. Read Karis' story on her fund raising page and make your donation today. Silent Auction Items include autographed books by Bob and Lee Woodruff, A Cape Getaway Weekend, Celtics and Red Sox Tickets, Gift certificates to Stapleton Floral Design and Marathon Sports.

An Evening of A Cappella to Benefit Spaulding Rehab happening on 4/4/14 at Boston University. Terpsichore, Boston University's premier all female a cappella group will be your host from 7:00-9:00 pm at Sleeper Auditorium located at 871 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, MA. The evening features performances by Terpsichore, the BU Dear Abbeys, BU's In Achord and Bostonality, a post collegiate a cappella group. Minimum suggested donation is $10. Make your donation to Greg Gordon's fund raising page and in the comments section note that it is for the benefit concert.

This Sunday, and on March 9th, Tom and I will be hosting a water stop for L Street Running Club offering moral support as the runners put in their miles on their road to the Boston Marathon.

With 80 days to go...we are all healing and moving forward and finding ways to be a part of the day. As for me? I am honored and proud to be a part of the support crew.

Sing Strong, Run Long - Countdown to Boston

100 days until April 21, 2014 - a sure sign of healing that instead of marking the days since 4/15/2013, we are counting down the days to the 2014 Boston Marathon. We were hit hard by a Polar Vortex during the long, dark days of winter. How fitting that we experience warmer temperatures and more daylight as we prepare for Marathon Monday 2014.

Today I saw this post on Facebook:

Marathon Victim Runs On Her Own For The First Time Since April

The fire of Spirit can never be dampened by violence!

And as Leonard Bernstein said:

I am putting together two wonderful fun(d) raisers for my friends who are running for Spaulding.

On 4/4/14 - join us for Sing Strong: An Evening of A Cappella to Benefit Spaulding Rehab

I cannot take credit for the Sing Strong idea. Fermata Town, one of the a cappella groups that is hoping to perform at our concert, (pending confirmation that members are available on 4/4) had as their previous employment status, SingStrong. Seemed like a most fitting title for our concert.

Check them out on Youtube:



We are waiting confirmation from the BU Dear Abbeys:



and BU Terpsichore said they are on board-- Here they are rockin' out Sara Bareilles' Love on the Rocks



I've reached out to the MIT Logs and Tufts Jackson Jills who performed at our Music for Miracles concert back in 2011.

The 4/4/14 concert will support Greg Gordon's run for Spaulding.

And sometime in March watch out for Sing Strong: An Evening of Karaoke to benefit Karis Antokal's run for Spaulding Rehab.

Start warming up your pipes -- Here is one of my favorite Karaoke numbers to sing:



It's been almost 9 months since the day lives changed forever in the city of Boston. It is 100 days until the world gathers in Boston to reclaim our beloved Marathon Monday! Between now and then we've got to sing strong, run long and countdown to Boston 2014!

105 Days To Go...

until 4/21/2014 when many of my dear friends are going to be taking their places at the starting line of what is sure to be a very emotional Boston Marathon.

As I write in my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,"

"4/12/13
Off to have lunch with Ernst van Dyk at an event organized by Spaulding Rehab, and refresh my Boston Marathon run memories that I had once denied. After I read Matthew Sanford’s book, “Waking”, I somehow got the idea in my head that I needed to deny ever having run the Boston Marathon. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable after reading Matthew’s book which of course was not his intention but my interpretation of how he talked about not having to do something spectacular like running a marathon when you live with a spinal cord injury. "

Four years after crossing the finish line of the Boston Marathon, I knew it was time to celebrate with the Race for Rehab team at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. As I have repeatedly said, we were so fortunate to not have witnessed the carnage first hand and to have gotten out safely and yet our lives were forever changed on that day.

I feel a strong bond with my friends old and new who are running this year. Tom and I are donating to charities that our friends are running for and I am helping Karis and Greg with their fund raising efforts by helping them to organize fund raisers which will not only raise money but bring the community together. They are running as part of Spaulding's Race for Rehab team this year. We were in the Mandarin together and together we are going to raise some serious money for Spaulding where many of the survivors found their strength and a way to put their lives back together after Marathon Monday.

Tom and I have renewed our membership with L Street Running Club and signed up to volunteer at water stops during long runs. We have signed up with the BAA to volunteer for packet stuffing.

105 days until the Boston Marathon...there's a lot of work to do for runners who will be running long and are Boston Strong. There's a lot of work for fund raising, community building and being a part of support crews as we continue to move forward and heal.

Here's to getting to the starting line healthy....


Ode to Marathon Training - March 22, 2009 from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon
Blisters, black toes, aches and pains, a change in my routine
Long training runs, the hills, the sprints,
running clothes fresh and clean.
Carbo load and plan each meal power gels and gatorade
no matter what the weather no time to be afraid.
Humid - hot or freezing cold snow against the face
wind or sun or raining those running shoes I must lace.
What mile is this how long we been out
check heart rate drink H20
meltdowns joys and triumphs only a few more weeks to go.
Heartbreak Hill won't break my heart this year has been the best
found myself and made new friends I feel incredibly blessed.

The Making of a Memoir

I knew I was going to write my memoir. And then I didn't -- and then I did again. In October of 2009, Team McManus was a guest on the Jordan Rich Show after running the 2009 Boston Marathon. Appearing with us on the radio was Tori McClure author of A Pearl in the Storm: How I Found My Heart in the Middle of the Ocean. Jordan asked her why she waited so long to write her memoir after she had accomplished the feat of being the first woman to make a solo crossing of the Atlantic Ocean in a rowboat. She said that she needed time to gain perspective and insight into her journey.

It's been over four years since I crossed the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I have traveled many miles since April 20, 2009. As I say in my memoir, every finish line is a starting line.

I had one memoir written with the title, "Why Do Squats Make Me Cry?" It was cathartic for me to write the memoir but it was not the memoir that was meant to be published. For one thing, our hard drive was wiped out and along with it - my memoir.

It's been a labor of love for the past year as I began to piece together the fragments of journals, memories and blogs and the tapestry of my life as I picked up the pieces from my life shattered by paralytic polio and trauma.

Almost a year and 260 pages later, my memoir is in the final edit phase. I have three readers who will offer me feedback but I feel a sense of completion and wholeness with my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility."

As I took out my red pen and went through the process of making edits, I put myself in my reader's shoes. Is this too graphic? Is this necessary to drive the story? Is this repetitive? Am I getting boring? I read through the eyes of the different people who I hope will read my memoir and made sure that it would have a wide appeal.

I once asked my dad, what is the purpose of life? Why are we here? He said he certainly didn't have the answer but he believed that if we touched the life of at least one person while we are here, then we have not lived in vain. It is my hope that many hearts and lives will be blessed with my message of healing, hope and possibility as expressed in my memoir due out this Spring.

Like a Boss!

My friend Melissa Gleaton posted this on Facebook yesterday. We met during Feaster Five training when Tom and I went up to Andover to run the course hosted by Merrimack Valley Striders members. Melissa also blogs about her journey at Learning to Walk Again. Talk about living life like a boss!



I am not training for any endurance event but I do feel the need to build my miles again. As a brief recap:
In December 2006, I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. My future looked grim but to quote Rhett Lewis of 7 News, I was not going to take post polio syndrome sitting down.

I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon as a mobility impaired runner:



I went back into outpatient therapy and wasn't sure I would ever be able to run again given the toll the Marathon took on my body. I returned to the roads but in September of 2011, ran what I thought was going to be my last run ever.

In September of this year, I returned to the roads and ran the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K Fun Run which you can read about in my post, A New Beginning.

I've been feeling this need to build miles again. I plan to run the 2014 Tufts 10K for Women but that's not until next October. There is something amazing that happens to me when I get out there and go literally for miles. And it's winter which used to take an incredible toll on me mind, body and Spirit.

My husband does his long runs at his pace on Saturday and then goes with me on Sunday for whatever distance I am up for. We also do a 5K during the week along with two aquatics classes at Spaulding Rehab.

He asked me what I felt like running for today's run. I told him I wanted to do the portion of the Boston Marathon route from a little farther out from Marathon Sports Brookline to Kenmore Square and back. Here is the link to the result from my Nike+ run.

I did 5.41 miles in 1:17:05 - a 14'14"/mile pace!

It was cold (30 degrees). It was hard with the rolling hills up and down Beacon Street.

But I felt amazing out there - and I did the longest and fastest run I had done since my return to the roads-like a boss!

Beneath the Surface from A Celebration of Life now available on Amazon

A landscape of scars
the map not the territory
of where a body has been
the well worn path of a weary traveler
seated on a rock
by water’s edge
contemplating Truth
and beauty

what do my eyes behold

the gnarly knots on the tree trunk
or the majesty of the mighty oak
roots deeply descending
branches outstretched to the heavens
giving me shade and pause
to remember to remember

the body is my casing
the real trophy’s deep inside
no surgeon’s scalpel
no hands raised to harm
can touch my magnificence
drinking in this majestic view

gentle breeze inviting me
no invoking me to cast off my anchor

no longer assailed
Spirit sails
soars
celebrating the joy of being.

A "Thriller" of An Aquatics Class

As everyone made their way into the pool for Wednesday's Find Your Aquatic Strength class at Spaulding Rehab, the music of Michael Jackson filled the air.

When the song Beat It came on



I realized that seven years ago I did not set out to "beat" post polio syndrome. I set out to heal my life. I knew the story of Evy McDonald from Bernie Siegel's Love, Medicine and Miracles book that he wrote in the late 70's. She was given 6 months to live after being diagnosed with ALS. Today she is thriving and is a minister in upstate New York. She is also a survivor of polio. She decided that she did not want to die hating her body. She sat in front of a mirror naked in her wheelchair feeling like her body was a "bowl of jello" and found a way to love herself. Love does indeed heal. Perhaps more than any of the therapies that I experienced when I was first diagnosed with post polio syndrome was the love and compassion I received from the therapists. It was the first time that anyone "bore witness" to my experience of paralytic polio. I was no longer an outcast and a leper. I learned how to love myself unconditionally. I took the first steps on my long journey home.

In Wednesday's class as Karis led us through our paces, one of the women with whom I have become friends and I couldn't help but sing to The Man In The Mirror



Karis said that she was totally on board with karaoke aquatics!

As we returned to the shallow end to work upper body strength, I needed the wall to support me for the first set of biceps curls but the music got me really pumped and by the second circuit, I was able to harness my core strength and work those bicep curls without support.


In Wednesday's class, I allowed my body to luxuriate in the sensations of the warm water that swirled around me as I made waves with my movements. I thought about the contrast between the warmth and softness of the water that embraced me with the woolen blankets that were once used during the painful physical therapy sessions to help me recover from paralytic polio.

As we cooled down and stretched to the sounds of You Are Not Alone



we realized that Karis, our wonderful therapist, who had been a dancer, choreographed a playlist to accompany our workout as we found our aquatic strength. I loved watching her dance moves and the freedom with which she moves in her body. She inspires me to continue to find strength and freedom in my body.

Karis is going to run the 2014 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab. She has never run before. She ran her first 5K this week and stretched with us. She told me that I inspire her on her road to the Boston Marathon.

I find this entire journey absolutely thrilling!

Coming Home from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon

A stranger to myself
hollowed heart
broken and defeated
cement thick walls
no way out
no way in
my light flickered and dimmed
never went out
as he breathed me
he fanned flames of hope
I’d stumble and fall
he held out a hand to me
knowing that love lights the way
I’m coming home.

Feaster Five: My Best Race Ever!

Our Thanksgiving holiday began Wednesday afternoon when we went to pick up our bib numbers and race schwag at the Feaster Five Expo.



I first met the Striders in Hyannis in February of 2009 at the pre race pasta dinner as Team McManus was preparing to run their first half marathon in preparation for the 2009 Boston Marathon. They invited me to speak at their December 2010 meeting. Here I am with Al Pappalardo and Channel 7's Steve Cooper:



and here's Tom Licciardello handling the sound system for the speakers



We stayed in touch on and off through the years but after the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings, there was a feeling among many in the running community about the importance of staying connected with each other.

I've always wanted to run the Feaster Five. I had not recovered after the 2009 Boston Marathon to run the Feaster in 2010 and then wasn't feeling well enough to run after the 2011 Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K. But this year it was my time!

It was an emotional reunion with my Strider friends
Tom L. and me


Al Pappalardo and me:


Tom's wife Lyn and me:


More MVS love:


and MVS gear including tumblers for the One Fund:


I had a reunion with Ric Beaudoin who was the first Strider that I met at Hyannis who wanted me to speak at the Striders' meeting to share my inspirational story and Dick Hoyt and Kathy Boyer who have known me since February of 2009. We are all healing; the bombings have resulted in close bonds and a resolve to allow love triumph over hatred.

I went to bed early and got up at 5:00am to leave by 6:00am to ensure that we would get good parking at the race. It was cold and windy but we got to watch the sunrise. So much heat was generated among the throngs of runners. It took us 10 minutes to get to the start!

The course involves a really steep uphill at the beginning of the race for a good half mile:



It wasn't a PR according to my time.

4985 258/393 F5059 59:46 49:43 16:01 Mary McManus 59 F 3663 Chestnut Hill MA

But it certainly was a PR according to how I felt in my body and during the race. It was 2 minutes slower than the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K Fun Run & Walk but it also had a huge almost mile hill at the start of the race and another small hill at the end of the race as compared to the Brookline Symphony Orchestra's 5K Fun Run & Walk fast, two loop course around the Reservoir.

According to my Nikeplus, I did negative splits:
17:28 mile 1 (which included a slow walk in getting to the start)
32:27 mile 2 (14.99 minute/mile pace)
46:23 mile 3 (13.96 minute/mile pace)

It was the first race that I ran that I felt I was in the middle of the pack. That's because I was in the middle of the pack; 4985/6135 finishers for the 5K. I wasn't too shabby in my age group either and this is the last race before I enter a new age group!

I've been used to being a back of the pack runner and watching a sea of runners fade into the distance in front of me. But the Feaster's field is different and it was an amazing experience for me to be passing runners and walkers.

As we headed for the finish, Ric Beaudoin stands atop a ladder calling out names of the runners spurring them onto the finish. We called out his name and he said, "And here comes Tom and Mary McManus all the way from Newton, Massachusetts."

Our daughter Ruth Anne met us at the finish line and she commented on how I was absolutely glowing looking so different than I had after any other race.

I ran in 30 degree weather; mercifully there was not a lot of wind during the race and there was the beautiful course through the Andover neighborhood. I was present in my body and delighted in each moment of the race. I was racing out there today.

The Feaster Five: my best race ever and my best Thanksgiving ever!




Thanksgiving from Seasons of the Soul available on Amazon

Make every day a feast of giving thanks
serving up heaping helpings of happiness
health and joy

be with the ones you love
------especially yourself
and feel your heart overflow
because there is so much gratitude stuffed inside.

Feast your eyes on beauty and wonder
feed your heart on kindness and compassion
forgive and remember love lasts
laughter heals.

Taste the sweetness that life has to offer
breathe deeply
as the scents of the season
delight the senses.