"The Miracle Isn't That I Finished...

The miracle is I had the courage to start." - John Bingham



Three weeks from tomorrow - my inaugural event in two years - The Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5k Fun Run and it's easy to say oh it's just a 5K and it's just a fun run but I don't believe in the word "just". For me it's huge that I am participating in a 5K event again. The paralytic polio virus that I contracted at the age of 5 left my body with structural and neuromuscular issues that I've been dealing with for decades or rather not dealing with for decades would be more to the point. Add in a layer of trauma - severe trauma for 9 years - and it's a recipe for breakdown and disease which happened with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome seven years ago.

During these past seven years, I've had this amazing healing odyssey of ups and downs but at no point in this odyssey did I feel as hopeful, as steady and as strong as I do now.


It would have been easy for me to quit two years ago and say this is as good as it's gonna get. I'll practice yoga 5 or 6 times a week. I will hunker down and wait for winter to pass. While I was grateful for the functioning I had and the blessings in my life, my body and my life were constricted and contracted.


It takes courage to begin again over and over and over again. And it takes courage to start from the beginning with training for a 5K. Of course it was a lot easier than when I first started training for the 2009 Boston Marathon when my heart rate went over 170 with a walk/run and I had the endurance of 5 minutes at a time. I celebrated when I was able to walk/run for 30 minutes.

I can't look at where I was when I left running two years ago but rather feel grateful and happy that I have been able to begin again and be where I am right now. I am able to get stronger, and experience softness and grace and ease in my movements although at times I feel like a newborn colt finding my legs and finding my way in this wonderful new structure. I'm excited that I'll be outdoors as the seasons change this year and if it gets too harsh in winter, I'll use my recumbent stationary bike for cross training. But I am a hearty soul and delighted that I have balance in my health and fitness routine.


And when I cross the finish line on September 29th, I will know in my heart that the miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start - yet again and this time, I have a feeling that I am going to be able to maintain momentum, strength, grace and ease.




The Chaser from the soon to be released A Celebration of Life. My books of inspirational poetry are available on Amazon

Energy of fear
bristling and bubbling
trying to hold me down
hold me back
as it stalls
pools in back of knees
where he once brought to my knees
but no need to struggle
to wrest free from fear
just let it be
harnessing my healing power
sending life force
more forceful than fear
chi the chaser
no longer chased by ghosts from a traumatic past
free to run!

Happy Moments in the Rain

In the cold winter of February 2007, during the dark night of my body and soul when I had no idea what the future held for me, I wrote a poem, "Come Out and Play" that is in my first book of poetry, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World"

Come Out and Play
Arms flung open wide, dancing in the rain
Pure abiding joy to feel alive again.
Healing tears fall and blend in God's puddle
No time to sit in a corner and huddle.
All the old ways driven by fears
Washed away now by God's loving tears.
The imprint Dad left no longer remains
Rain washes away all of the stains.
Baptised with Love, Truth lights my way
The sun shines through on this rainy day
Splashing and laughing my heart opens wide
Embracing and flowing I'm one with the tide.
God takes my hand - release the old way
BATHE IN MY GLORY - COME OUT AND PLAY.

Please bear in mind that I was in a short leg brace,



wore a wrist splint at night to treat carpel tunnel syndrome, had difficulty swallowing and breathing although I was beginning to experience some relief with the therapies I was receiving through Spaulding Rehab Outpatient Clinic in Boston and my prognosis was "guarded" at best meaning that the best we could hope for was that the symptoms would not progress if I followed all of the recommendations of my treatment team and left my full time award winning career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of retirement. I was scared. But somewhere my Spirit was beginning to speak through my pen which had become my divining rod for healing. I wrote that poem after having a dream in which I shed my leg brace and was dancing barefoot in the rain a la Gene Kelly going up and down on the sidewalk in all of these fancy moves.

This morning it was raining. I started to venture outside for my training power walk for the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K Fun Run and I thought, um no. After all, we have a treadmill. I "fired" up the treadmill and as I began my power walk, I realized that the treadmill was not going to work for me. So I got a hat, my 2009 Boston Marathon jacket, my iPod and water belt and off I went to do my 3.5 miles in the rain.

As the rain poured down on me, I felt a sense of happiness. I smiled. I remembered many training runs in the rain for the '09 Marathon with a distance a lot longer than 3.5 miles but I certainly did not feel as well as I did today. I was completely in the moment of each footstep. At one point, I was so lost in the moment that I didn't even realize I was halfway around my 2nd loop of the reservoir. I experienced a delightful sense of disorientation with the rain and being lost in the moment.

I reflected on how lucky I am and how I blessed I am to be able to experience Happy Moments in the Rain.