#mondaymotivation Footstrike - Today I won my race!

When I woke up this morning, I felt tired and sad. July and August are filled with anniversary moments for me. Thank God for meditation.

I have a new meditation mantra: Trust Safety Healing Peace Happiness It's amazing how repeating five words and allowing them to settle into my cells helps me to jump start my day. I watched the feelings of sadness and the energy of helplessness and fear come and go.

And thank God for running!

I felt sluggish as I began my run. I was tapping into what kind of a pace I would choose today. Part of me wanted to take it slow after my amazing training run on Saturday. I could also feel the weight of my past bearing down on me.

I am keenly aware of the depth of the injury to my body as a result of paralytic polio followed by 9 years of unrelenting violence. I am also aware and grateful for the depth of healing that is happening along with the depth of joy, peace, acceptance, love, strength and compassion I can experience in my life.

According to Nike+, I started out at a 16'16"/mile pace. I don't look at my pace as I run but listen to my body. Would I choose to go at a slower pace today or do I feel the need for speed?

As I picked up my pace, I told myself to focus on my foot strike. I remembered John "The Penguin" Bingham's quote:



It was getting warmer and more humid so I didn't know if I was actually picking up the pace or had to work harder to maintain my pace. Nonetheless, I noticed that I was experiencing the feelings of having been bullied, the violence from my father and brother and feeling this need to run faster to not be left behind.

And then I remembered when my personal trainer used to have me set the pace and pass her on our training runs so I could feel what it was like to take the lead as a runner. I remembered the day when she pushed my pace and I ran an 11 minute mile around Jamaica Pond.

Suddenly, in my body, mind and Spirit, I was no longer behind trying to catch up. I was in first place.

I pushed my pace doing a combination of running and race walking. I felt confidence and strength, I felt each foot strike ignite the fire in my soul.

I paid attention to how I was feeling in my body. Nothing hurt. I wasn't overheating. I felt how much courage it took for me to make it through everything I have lived through and continue to face and embrace my challenges.

In my mind's eye, I broke the finisher's tape. While I may experience feelings of helplessness or fear or anniversary reactions; while I may feel waves of sadness wash through me and at times feel frustrated that I retreated from running and the running community in 2011, none of my past holds any power over me. Living with late effects of paralytic polio and healing the wounds of trauma doesn't stop me; it only fuels my journey.

I had no expectations or any idea of what was going to happen during my 3.11 miles around the Reservoir, up the hills and on the roads today. What a wonderful surprise to find myself in first place. Today I won my race! My finisher's medal is my smile and deep sense of satisfaction that despite not feeling well when I woke up this morning, I got myself together and out on the roads and I had a phenomenal run. I did negative splits of -0'43" and -0'.02" finishing with a time of 49:06, taking 20 seconds off of last Wednesday's run.


My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Wednesday Wisdom: On Running the Marathon of My Life - Patience, Pacing and Peristence

Whether in running or in life, I find there are two greatest challenges. One is sticking to the training plan and the other is coming back after a setback. We go along on our path building speed and endurance on the roads and in our lives and then something happens. A layoff, a loss, an illness or for me managing the late effects of paralytic polio and trauma, that causes us to pause, to regroup, to reevaluate and to figure out how to move forward again.



In 2011, after my 26 year old nephew's suicide, I was not sure how I was going to move forward. I took a detour from my healing path. I stopped running and I withdrew from the running community. I found myself among people who would draw me back into the dance of family dynamics and who fueled my struggles as a polio and trauma survivor. Every situation serves a purpose and I am so grateful for the soul lessons I learned while I was on my detour.

After 4/15/13, I had an awakening and realized what was important in my life. The #onerun on 5/25/13 brought me back into the present and in realizing how important running and the running community is in my life.

From my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

“Oh look they are doing a #onerun tomorrow,” Tom said.

“I am terrified to be a part of that,” I answered.

“Then we have to register,” Tom said.

Tonight I realize there is another layer to all of this healing: the Boston Marathon bombings. It still causes the hair on the back of my neck to write those words. Tomorrow morning, Tom and I are going to walk the last mile of the Boston Marathon and to walk the part of Boylston Street that I’ve been afraid to return to....

5/25/13

The moving pre-race ceremony began including 30 seconds of silence for those who lost their lives in the bombings. There was music and inspirational speeches and not a dry eye in the crowd as the church choir from where 8-year-old Martin Richard who was killed in the blast, made his first communion, sang the National Anthem. Tom and I had our arms around each other. Everyone was in a spiritual embrace.

And then we were off crossing the one mile to go marker in Kenmore Square where four years ago, Tom, our daughter Ruth Anne and I ran toward the finish line. I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon for those who couldn't and for those who were told they shouldn't run or would never be able to run again. Back then I was delivering a message of healing, hope and possibility. Today I was one with the survivors knowing they have a long road ahead for them but knowing that they, like me, would be able to go the distance.

We got to Hereford Street and I took a deep breath, as I knew we were going back to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel and passing The Forum where the second bomb exploded. As we passed in front of the Mandarin, we stopped for a brief moment to give our thanks to the staff who ensured our safety. The two doormen who had been there on Marathon Monday while we watched the race before going upstairs to join the Spaulding Rehab party were there. How healing and wonderful to see them, express our gratitude and be back on a part of Boylston Street I was afraid to visit.

I told Tom I was ready to sprint to the finish line. I said a prayer as we ran by The Forum. I sobbed as the crowds were cheering and we were surrounded by runners with their bib numbers from Marathon Monday and thousands of people who had been touched by the tragic events of April 15. At the finish line we shared stories with one another. We hugged. We cried. We healed...

Despite the cold and the rain, the love and energy of the community kept us warm. The event organizers did an amazing job at honoring the victims of the bombing and the survivors – “You are out there to run for those who can’t.”

That’s why I ran the marathon in ’09 – and here I was running the last mile with a deep connection to the survivors of the bombing knowing in every fiber of my being what it’s like to work to regain mobility and to recover from trauma where you face death. There were so many emotions as we listened to the pre-race ceremony speakers and then as we reclaimed Boylston Street as our own.

It's been a slow, long road back but patience, pacing and persistence pave the way.

I started out with a walk/run at a half mile. Little by little I built back up to a 5K distance.

Training for and running The Feaster Five was a wonderful opportunity for me to come back into the running fold and rediscover the joy of running.

I reconnected with my friends from the Merrimack Valley Striders and made new friends when we went to Andover for a pre Feaster Five training run.

I'm so excited that tonight we are going to a Striders meeting where the theme is connecting with friends old and new.

I used my 5K distance to begin to build speed and then began to build distance. I held steady at 5 miles until after I ran a series of 5K races. Two weeks ago, I crossed the threshold to 6.1 miles. I can go the distance for the Tufts 10K.

I challenge myself on my 5K distance runs with tempo runs and fartleks but I am also patient with myself. I am running from the inside out paying attention to how I feel in my body. I know that no two runs are the same and there are so many factors that can contribute to how much I am able to do on any given day as is true for every runner.

I've learned that I can and do recover; chronic fatigue is no longer an issue for me but I do need to give myself time to rest and recover. I create an optimal healing environment for myself. I plan out my activities. On a day that I feel well and energized, I am so tempted to do more than what is scheduled. And then, more often than not, I end up not feeling well for a few days.

In addition to two runs a week, I go to Aquatics Therapy classes at Spaulding Rehab twice a week. One class is for upper and lower body strength training. I am up to 5 pound ankle weights. The other class is to build aquatics strength and work on core and cardio conditioning. Once a week I go for massage therapy at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork where my therapist and I work together to continue to heal mind, body and Spirit.

I'm definitely planning on going the distance. I am working on finding my distance and my pace. I know my distance for now is a 10K. I am grateful for every step I take on this journey on the roads and in my life. I know how blessed I am! And every day, I practice patience, pacing and persistence so I can go the distance and journey well.






My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.

"Wait, I have one more goal," Mary McManus told her personal trainer in February of 2008 shortly after coming out of her toe up leg brace. "I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital." Mary traded in her polio shoes for running shoes and embarked on the journey of a lifetime. Mary McManus was at the height of her career as a VA social worker when she was told by her team at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital’s International Rehab Center for Polio in December of 2006 that she needed to quit her job if she had any hope of preventing the progression of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. In “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility” Mary takes you on her seven year healing odyssey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma from her diagnosis, to taking a leap of faith to leave her award winning career at the VA to heal her life and follow her passion as a poet and writer. You’ll experience her trials, tribulations and triumphs as she trains for and crosses the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and discovers the opportunity for healing in the wake of new trauma: the suicide of her nephew in 2011, and the aftermath of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. This is Mary's journey of coming home to her human form free from the influences of the ghastly ghostly invaders who had invaded her sacred earthly home. Her memoir includes journals and blog posts from her seven year healing odyssey. This is her journey of transformation and her message of healing, hope and possibility.

I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

Moving Beyond Yourself-Monday Motivation

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself." ~John Bingham


At yesterday's Corrib Pub 5K Road Race, I was keenly aware of the challenge of living with the effects of paralytic polio and trauma, yet I did not let those challenges define me, defy me or stop me from moving beyond myself.

I surround myself with people who believe in me and who accept me just as I am, cheering me along every step of the way. I am deeply grateful for my friends Margo and Julie Feeney, and my husband Tom who allowed me to set the pace for the day and in their own way, gently challenged me to challenge myself by running a little in front of me at times. They honored my challenges and checked in to make sure I was doing okay given the heat and the hills.

I was so inspired as we neared the finish line that I moved beyond myself and took off with a sprint.



Being among the running community, watching a running movie classic, Chariots of Fire, reading Bill Rodgers Marathon Man or Dave McGillivray's Last Pick, reading inspirational blogs and posts on Facebook, feeling gratitude for ALL that I am able to do are wonderful antidotes to worn out beliefs about who I am and what I am able to do.

How do you move beyond yourself and cast aside worn-out beliefs so that you have the energy to create and accomplish everything you want to do?

My memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" which chronicles my 7 year healing odyssey including how I moved beyond paralytic polio and trauma to run the 2009 Boston Marathon, is now available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments through on line sales to The One Fund to help Boston Marathon survivors and their families. Copies are also available at Brookline Marathon Sports. $5 of each book sold at Marathon Sports is donated to The One Fund.

The Gift of Running

"I learned that the only requirement to be part of this wonderful group was to run. I didn't have to be fast. I didn't have to be great. I just had to run. And that's when running became not just something that I do but something that is a part of who I am." - John Bingham

A little over 7 years ago, as I sat in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility, I wrote the poem called "Running the Race." I intrigued myself after I wrote the line, "while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race."

Running? Mary McManus? aka "Easy Out Alper" - um a rather unlikely combination to say the least.

But not impossible despite all appearances to the contrary.

After intensive, extensive outpatient rehab through Spaulding Rehab, writing poems visualizing myself as healthy, whole and free in my body, quitting my stressful job as a VA social worker, and then hiring a personal trainer, I felt this urge inside of me. From my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" available on Amazon


At my six-month evaluation in February, I had dramatically improved in every area of the assessment. I had come out of my leg brace and I knew that I was on a healing path. Janine asked me what my next health and fitness goals were.
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

And run I did crossing the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon


It's been a healing odyssey filled with ups and downs. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it back to running and a state of health after my nephew's suicide in 2011.

After last year's Boston Marathon, I knew I needed to return to running and the running community.

I started from the beginning building up mileage, running a few 5K's and building strength in the Aquatics Therapy program at Spaulding Rehab.

And I decided I would run the Tufts 10K this year. I was up to 5 miles in my distance again.

The other day I realized - it's more than the miles. It's more than the time.

I felt something shift inside of me. I felt what a gift it is to run. The gift of running is the ability to live fully in the present moment.

And I began to challenge myself; to train in earnest and be fully present. I used strategies that every good coach uses. Focus on your breathing. Feel your footsteps. Let's see if you can pick up the pace. Make it to that house up ahead; to that Stop sign.

I took in the beauty of the scene and feeling a unity, a harmony, a wholeness in the midst of it all. I ended up doing a negative split of .50 seconds between mile 2 and 3 with an average page of 15:33 for that last mile. The time on my Nike+ isn't what ultimately mattered.

Somehow, on that run, and somehow during these past 7 years, I came to the realization that running is now a part of who I am. It is a gift and one that I am grateful for every time I lace up my running shoes and go out for a run. It is a gift that keeps on giving me health and the best friends in the running community. It's a gift that keeps me present feeling fully alive in the moment regardless of the challenge.

And if the time comes when in my physical form I am no longer able to run, running will always be a part of who I am and all that I have learned and become through running shall remain forever.

The Miracle of My Life

“The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”― John Bingham, No Need for Speed: A Beginner's Guide to the Joy of Running

The holiday season is a time for bearing witness to miracles. It doesn't matter what your religious preference or beliefs are. There is something magical and mystical about being able to experience and celebrate the light during the darkest and coldest time of the year. This time of year is also a time to focus on gratitude and thanks giving.

In about six weeks, I celebrate the miracle of my life and turning 60 years old on Christmas Day.

Did you know that many believe that the reason that Tiny Tim's affliction was polio?

And like Tiny Tim for so much of my life, I was crippled! I was crippled by the ravages of paralytic polio and trauma. I had grown a body that was trying to protect itself and a body that had developed compensatory patterns as a result of wearing a heavy metal leg brace for 3 years, being in a cast on my other leg for 6 weeks, 3 years after coming out of the leg brace, over 25 surgeries and experiencing brutality at the hands of family members.

I had no idea that I would ever not be crippled by my past. Seven years ago I too, like Tiny Tim, came perilously close to death. My family rallied around me to support me but the healing path was mine alone to choose.

Deep inside of me I knew that while much of what the team at the International Center for Polio and Post Polio was suggesting was critical in my recovery, there was one piece of advice I could not follow -- "If you use it, you will lose it." I had a burning deep inside of me to get moving.

Last night my husband Tom and I went on our run. It was cold and dark (although thank goodness for Marathon Sports for outfitting us with winter gear complete with a headlamp) and I certainly did not run my fastest pace - 3.25 miles with a just sub 16 minute/mile pace but I was out there in the evening doing 3.25 miles!

Tom said to me, "What happened? How did all of this happen?" I had run the Boston Marathon yes and oh how I needed to get out there and shed my image as someone who was powerless and crippled and disabled. And I kept searching and searching and working so hard to find my way back home to my body.

We also talked about how hard I have worked and how I have to work so hard each and every day to find balance, listen to what my body needs, work in the Aquatics Therapy Program at Spaulding to build strength in a body that never knew strength and ease and I talked about how different everything is now in my body and in my life.

And today, I needed to take a few moments and give pause and thanks to the miracle that is my life!

Moving Forward from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon

Tethered and tied up to what once was
decades ago
staples, sutures
scar tissue
gingerly
tenderly released
my form reappears

now training for a 5K
training mind
moving mindfully
retraining body

a surprising bounce in my step
a lightness in my heart
awesome creation
transformation
how is this possible?

A beacon of light for others
of what IS possible
once defeated
now defying the odds

trusting in this miracle
moving forward.

"The Miracle Isn't That I Finished...

The miracle is I had the courage to start." - John Bingham



Three weeks from tomorrow - my inaugural event in two years - The Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5k Fun Run and it's easy to say oh it's just a 5K and it's just a fun run but I don't believe in the word "just". For me it's huge that I am participating in a 5K event again. The paralytic polio virus that I contracted at the age of 5 left my body with structural and neuromuscular issues that I've been dealing with for decades or rather not dealing with for decades would be more to the point. Add in a layer of trauma - severe trauma for 9 years - and it's a recipe for breakdown and disease which happened with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome seven years ago.

During these past seven years, I've had this amazing healing odyssey of ups and downs but at no point in this odyssey did I feel as hopeful, as steady and as strong as I do now.


It would have been easy for me to quit two years ago and say this is as good as it's gonna get. I'll practice yoga 5 or 6 times a week. I will hunker down and wait for winter to pass. While I was grateful for the functioning I had and the blessings in my life, my body and my life were constricted and contracted.


It takes courage to begin again over and over and over again. And it takes courage to start from the beginning with training for a 5K. Of course it was a lot easier than when I first started training for the 2009 Boston Marathon when my heart rate went over 170 with a walk/run and I had the endurance of 5 minutes at a time. I celebrated when I was able to walk/run for 30 minutes.

I can't look at where I was when I left running two years ago but rather feel grateful and happy that I have been able to begin again and be where I am right now. I am able to get stronger, and experience softness and grace and ease in my movements although at times I feel like a newborn colt finding my legs and finding my way in this wonderful new structure. I'm excited that I'll be outdoors as the seasons change this year and if it gets too harsh in winter, I'll use my recumbent stationary bike for cross training. But I am a hearty soul and delighted that I have balance in my health and fitness routine.


And when I cross the finish line on September 29th, I will know in my heart that the miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start - yet again and this time, I have a feeling that I am going to be able to maintain momentum, strength, grace and ease.




The Chaser from the soon to be released A Celebration of Life. My books of inspirational poetry are available on Amazon

Energy of fear
bristling and bubbling
trying to hold me down
hold me back
as it stalls
pools in back of knees
where he once brought to my knees
but no need to struggle
to wrest free from fear
just let it be
harnessing my healing power
sending life force
more forceful than fear
chi the chaser
no longer chased by ghosts from a traumatic past
free to run!