Happy Moments in the Rain

In the cold winter of February 2007, during the dark night of my body and soul when I had no idea what the future held for me, I wrote a poem, "Come Out and Play" that is in my first book of poetry, "New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World"

Come Out and Play
Arms flung open wide, dancing in the rain
Pure abiding joy to feel alive again.
Healing tears fall and blend in God's puddle
No time to sit in a corner and huddle.
All the old ways driven by fears
Washed away now by God's loving tears.
The imprint Dad left no longer remains
Rain washes away all of the stains.
Baptised with Love, Truth lights my way
The sun shines through on this rainy day
Splashing and laughing my heart opens wide
Embracing and flowing I'm one with the tide.
God takes my hand - release the old way
BATHE IN MY GLORY - COME OUT AND PLAY.

Please bear in mind that I was in a short leg brace,



wore a wrist splint at night to treat carpel tunnel syndrome, had difficulty swallowing and breathing although I was beginning to experience some relief with the therapies I was receiving through Spaulding Rehab Outpatient Clinic in Boston and my prognosis was "guarded" at best meaning that the best we could hope for was that the symptoms would not progress if I followed all of the recommendations of my treatment team and left my full time award winning career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of retirement. I was scared. But somewhere my Spirit was beginning to speak through my pen which had become my divining rod for healing. I wrote that poem after having a dream in which I shed my leg brace and was dancing barefoot in the rain a la Gene Kelly going up and down on the sidewalk in all of these fancy moves.

This morning it was raining. I started to venture outside for my training power walk for the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K Fun Run and I thought, um no. After all, we have a treadmill. I "fired" up the treadmill and as I began my power walk, I realized that the treadmill was not going to work for me. So I got a hat, my 2009 Boston Marathon jacket, my iPod and water belt and off I went to do my 3.5 miles in the rain.

As the rain poured down on me, I felt a sense of happiness. I smiled. I remembered many training runs in the rain for the '09 Marathon with a distance a lot longer than 3.5 miles but I certainly did not feel as well as I did today. I was completely in the moment of each footstep. At one point, I was so lost in the moment that I didn't even realize I was halfway around my 2nd loop of the reservoir. I experienced a delightful sense of disorientation with the rain and being lost in the moment.

I reflected on how lucky I am and how I blessed I am to be able to experience Happy Moments in the Rain.

New Kicks and a New Training Plan - Footloose

As I have often said, we were so incredibly blessed to be able to literally walk away from the bombings. I realized that something had shifted in my body that enabled me to walk with greater ease even under the horrific circumstances of the afternoon. My body began to crave a different kind of movement than what yoga offers me. We did the #onerun on May 25th. I felt wonderful being a part of the running community again and my body felt wonderful breaking out into a trot and then a sprint. I was keenly aware of how my body hasn't run in a very long time and it is going to require going back to the beginning to build up distance and speed.

As I walked in my Nike Vomero's which was my very first running shoe back in 2008

I felt as though I had cardboard shoe boxes on my feet. I'd been spending a lot of time in my vibrams but I was concerned about wearing vibrams for running and/or power walking any significant distance. They are awesome for walking around Houghton's Pond and feeling the grass in my yard under my feet. It bears repeating -- my feet delighted at not having to wear a "heavy" shoe which had always been the shoes I had to wear as a polio survivor. I knew it was time to ditch the Nike's.

On Friday I went to my go to store for running shoes - Marathon Sports and waited for Colin, the store manager to assist me. I felt like Goldilocks as he offered me three different minimalist running shoes to try. The third pair was just right

In lieu of rolling out my yoga mat on Saturday, we headed to South Boston to begin my new training plan. It felt so awesome to be back training. Of course, when you have 70 degree temps and no humidity and not a cloud in the sky - it's easy to begin the new training plan

I am not going to go crazy this time with distance and speed. I plan to keep my distance to 5K's - for now and I will be very mindful of how I feel in my body. I had a stunning discovery today with my trainer and coach Tom McManus. There is a huge difference between getting my body to move and moving in my body.

When I first began running and training for the Boston Marathon, I was able to get my body to move. That was a critical part of my recovery and healing. It was, needless to say a very rigorous training plan that required me to push my body. But now, I move in my body.

I won't lie. It was hard to stop at two miles and to take it slow but I know that my muscles have to get used to first a power walk and then a run/walk and then lengthen the time of running if that feels right in my body. It's all part of what Tom Myers calls the grand human experiment and we never know what the outcome will be.

After all, who knew that I would have a pair of new kicks and a new training plan getting back in the running scene training for the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K in September. Next up - downloading some new tunes to create some kick a** running playlists!

Happy Medium from Songs of Freedom:Poems From a Healing Odyssey Volume II:Seasons of the Soul now available on Amazon with Volume I:Elements of Healing

Living in a world of black or white
mostly black
dark clouds
all or nothingness
on a state of high alert or total collapse
until the tide turned
a new world beckoned to me.

Stripping away the proud flesh
excruciatingly painful
raw wounds wondering if healing were even possible
don't stop before the miracle happens.

Finding the middle way
after muddling through muck and mire
teachers and healers
all hands on deck to rescue a once believed wretched one
lamenting torment
from strains of pain to refrains of joy
my heart learns a new song
sweet harmonies
lyrics of forgiveness
loving kindness
compassion.


Find a happy medium
forgive yourself
wrap yourself in a blanket of unconditional love
allow yourself to be free
release yourself from the dictates of shoulds
moving out of those stuck places -
habitual responses of butting heads or retreat
neither victim nor aggressor
moving into a space of a different perspective
a space where you are free -
a space where you feel the Divine within you and all around you
knowing that you
like me
like all of us
are a happy medium.

From my heart to yours
With total love and deepest gratitude,
Mary

MAY ALL BEINGS BE HAPPY AND FREE!