Three Years Later - A Time to Celebrate!

On 3/4/2011, which coincidentally is my wedding anniversary, my 26 year old nephew ended his life. I felt a part of me died with him. My father had committed suicide when I was 17 years old. I could not believe that grandfather and grandson would choose to end their lives.

For the past two years, I found myself struggling in my marriage and in my life around the anniversary time. Last year, Tom and I didn't celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary but I did get a new wedding band to symbolically release myself from the energetic connection to my family. My gold wedding band had been handed down to me from my great grandmother. While many experience a beautiful sentimental connection to jewelry handed down to them, mine was rife with conflict and unhappiness. So I tossed it into the ocean - yes an 18 karat gold wedding band - and I could feel my nephew's presence with me. He grabbed the anchor and jumped off of his fishing boat as it was pulling into Rhode Island and drowned.

This past year has been a year of phenomenal healing and transformation. You'll read about it (and my 7 year healing odyssey) in my soon to be released memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility".



Last weekend, Tom and I were finally able to celebrate both his birthday (which happens to be tomorrow 3/2 and marks 37 years since we met) and our anniversary in Hyannis as part of the Hyannis Marathon Weekend. We swam together, ate delicious meals together and I was able to wait for him to cross the finish line. He ran the Half Marathon. We went to the after party for Spaulding at 586 and celebrated runners' firsts, PR's and an unseasonably warm day in Hyannis.

Meeting Dick Beardsley who was able to overcome addiction, was incredibly healing for me. My nephew Charlie could have certainly benefited from the work he is doing through the Dick Beardsley Foundation. Knowing that Dick and his wife Jill are out working there tirelessly to raise money for education and to pay for treatment for those who are trapped in the cycle of chemical dependency brought me healing and comfort.


Last weekend I reconnected with the running community and celebrated my 2009 Boston Marathon run. I was reunited with alumni from Spaulding Rehab's Race for Rehab Team:



Tom and I regaled stories about our first half marathon - in Hyannis - in 2009 at the pre race pasta dinner.

I celebrated my Boston Marathon run with four time Marathon champion Bill Rodgers:



Time heals! The power of community heals! While my heart still aches for the tragedies of my father and nephew and how their suicides tore the fabric of our family apart, I can now celebrate what needs to be celebrated in my life and move forward.

Find Your Distance

As I was reunited with my Spaulding Rehab Race for Rehab alumni



and talking with Boston Marathon legends, Billy Rodgers



and Dick Beardsley, everyone had the same message for me, "Find your distance!"

I toyed with the idea of becoming an endurance runner again.

About a week ago, the New England weather prevented me from going outside for a run so I went on my stationary bike on a Friday. I did 6.2 miles with intervals really kicking my bike workout up a notch. A storm with near blizzard conditions was predicted for Sunday so rather than take a rest day and run the risk of needing to do another bike workout, Tom and I headed out to Heartbreak Hill for 4.25 miles.

Last week, I co hosted Singing Boston Strong: Karis' Karaoke for a Kause and then we went into the Hyannis Marathon weekend.

As well as I feel and as well as I am doing, every once in awhile I am reminded and humbled that I do live with a spinal cord injury which is a result of contracting paralytic polio as a child. Five years ago I soldiered on through the brutal New England winter because I was a woman on a mission - to run the Boston Marathon.

In the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, I realized that I could and I must run again but that I must respect where my body is at today. Everyone I met with whom I shared my journey celebrated my Boston Marathon run and where I am today. We all agreed that there is no such thing as "just" a 5K or a 10K.

Yesterday, although it was freezing - 29 degrees and not sure what the wind chill was, I went out for a 3 miler and did a sub 15 minute/mile pace. I felt wonderful and happy and so contented with the distance.

It's amazing - when champions Bill Rodgers and Dick Beardsley and the alumni from Spaulding Rehab's Race for Rehab team all say, "Find your distance," suddenly my distance becomes one to be celebrated.

And so does yours - whether it's a mile or 26.2 miles.

Find and celebrate your distance!

Meet(ing) Dick Beardsley

The Hyannis Half Marathon was my first half marathon ever back in 2009! It holds a very special place in my heart and it always feels like coming home when we walk into the Resort and Conference Center at Hyannis.

Here are some photos from 2009:



And here I am 5 years later with Bill Rodgers - what a transformation!



There is always some kind of magic in the air on race weekend but this weekend was more magical than I could have ever imagined.

There is always a lot of "trash talk" and fun talk at the pre race pasta dinner. It's great to meet up with old friends and make new friends finding out whose first half or full marathon it is and sharing our Hyannis stories. I was in no way prepared for the story that Dick Beardsley was about to share. Initially Bill Rodgers and Dick quipped about running and shared some humorous stories about their shared past at the Boston Marathon. Dick went on to share his story.



It was a big deal for him to graduate high school. He was the first one in his family to graduate high school and when he graduated, he went over to his father who had tears in his eyes. His father handed him a piece of paper that said it was good for one round trip ticket to the Boston Marathon.

Dick went on to share how he got into a near fatal farm accident. He got choked up as he shared that there was a problem with the insurance and he had hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid medical expenses and Bill Rodgers sent him money as did Alberto Salazar.

He then shared how, as a result of the accident, he got addicted to prescription pain medication. He shared his powerful, inspirational journey and the group that was gathered in the ballroom were spellbound.

My husband and I were overcome with emotion. Addiction ran rampant in our families and we know the pain and struggle of addiction. But before us stood Dick Beardsley, a runner and a champion in every sense of the word. Out of his pain and suffering, he created the Dick Beardsley Foundation. Their mission as stated on their website is to:

The Dick Beardsley Foundation will educate the public (including the youth in schools and clubs) on the disease of chemical dependency, the warning signs of chemical dependency, the dangers of chemical dependency, and how chemical dependency can be treated; to promote living a healthy, active lifestyle, chemically free; and to promote greater openness about chemical dependency.

Dick shared with us that they also use funds to pay for recovery treatment programs if an individual has no means of paying for treatment.

Tom and I usually hang around after the speakers finish and if it is someone we haven't met yet, we usually go up and talk to them after their talk. But we were so moved by Dick's talk, that we decided to go back to our room.

The next morning - Race Day and the energy and excitement reverberates throughout the entire hotel. Tom and I had our usual routine of bringing our oatmeal to the lobby, getting coffee for Tom and a bagel for me with fresh fruit. As we were sitting there talking about the amazing weather (45 and sunny for race day in Hyannis - say what?!) and how grateful we felt for our lives together (we're comin' up on 36 years of marriage on 3/4), Tom nudged me.

"Look who's there," he said.

I looked up and I saw Dick Beardsley sporting his red New Balance fleece with his name on it.

"Oh my goodness," I said...

We both thanked Dick for his talk and told him how our family has been touched by addiction. He started talking to us totally wrapped up in the present moment. We suggested that he get in line to order his breakfast. We paid for it! It was the least we could do for all the time he was giving us. I asked him if he needed his space to get in the zone for the relay and he said he would love to have his breakfast with us.

His honesty, his vulnerability, his raw heart and his genuine interest in me and my journey touched my heart beyond words. He told me that he wanted to give me a copy of his book and as I walked with him, at quite a brisk pace I might add, we talked about my recovery from trauma and paralytic polio. We talked about our faith and asking God for help because our challenges needed a force greater than ourselves, yet a force that we possess inside of ourselves to get through the dark nights of our souls.

And after Dick autographed my book, Staying the Course: A Runner's Toughest Race,


he told me that one thing that humans cannot live without is hope. You can go without water for so many days and food for so many days and you can even be deprived of breathing for short periods of time. But once you are deprived of hope, the Spirit withers. I gasped as he talked about hope and told him that the title of my memoir is Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.

He told me that I will touch and save lives by sharing my journey. I told him that he touched and blessed my life more than words could say. He knows that he has saved lives by sharing his journey and bringing chemical dependency out of the closet. He mentioned that often people hesitate to donate to his foundation because of the shame and stigma around chemical dependency. I told him that my mother was addicted to prescription pain medication. My father was an alcoholic who suicided. My nephew began using drugs at an early age and his addiction resulted in his suicide 3 years ago this March 4th. Dick's compassion and love, his warmth, his humor his passion and exuberance for life, for running and for using his journey to help others heal is overwhelming. As a retired social worker, as the daughter and aunt of losing two people I loved to chemical dependency, I share in his passion for the work he is doing.

Meeting Dick Beardsley has changed my life forever! Go to his website and meet him yourself! And please consider donating to the Dick Beardsley Foundation.

"It's a Fantastic Sport"

What a magical weekend in Hyannis. It will take me awhile to wrap my head and heart around all that happened this weekend in Hyannis. I hope I can convey some of the magic to you through my blog.

Tom and I left early Saturday morning for the Hyannis Resort and Convention Center. Our room was ready at 10:00am and we were able to get in a workout in the pool before lunch. We went to the Expo where I had the chance to talk with Boston's very own Bill Rodgers. I shared my story with him as he shared excerpts from his book, "Marathon Man" with me. He signed my book with, "We are lifetime runners. Let's run forever!" Bill Rodgers

As Tom took our photo, he gently placed his hand on my back and said to me, "Wow. Boston. You've got that mental toughness you know. You are one strong woman..."



After the Expo we drove the course for the half marathon and stopped at the JFK Memorial. Green grass, beautiful blue sky and ocean in mid-February:



At the pre race pasta dinner, we were treated to a feast of inspiration, laughter and tears by Bill Rodgers and Dick Beardsley.



Dick talked briefly about the day he had his duel in the sun with Alberto Salazar and his relationship with Bill Rodgers. He focused on the outpouring of emotional and financial support he received after a near fatal farm accident followed by his battle with addiction to prescription pain killers. Dick has a beautiful, raw heart and yes, real runners and men do cry! And laugh, and regale stories of races of days gone by.

Dick said that running is a fantastic sport and that many of the stories we runners tell have nothing to do with our races on the road but of the bonds that we as a running community share.

It is a fantastic sport and on Sunday, as I met up with my fellow alumni Race for Rehab teammates before their team photo:



Suzanne Showstack Adams, who I've known since 2007 and who I ran with in 2009 on the Race for Rehab team was also marveling at what a fantastic sport it is. She commented on where else can you be on the same course as elite runners? In what other sport do you get to stand side by side with the most celebrated men's distance runner in history.

And I would like to add, in what other sport could I, a polio survivor, cross the finish line of the Boston Marathon and be embraced and supported by a community of runners?



And in what other sport do you get to have breakfast with Dick Beardsley who, for a brief moment in the early 1980's became the most famous runner in the world - by losing a race. But more about that in tomorrow's blog!