Even before I looked out the window this morning, I heard the wind howling letting me know that winter is not ready to say goodbye anytime soon. As I opened the curtains I saw the barren trees, remnants of ice and snow on the ground, a cloudy, cold grey sky and the brown leaves that still cover our lawn. There was no time to do Fall yard clean up before the first snowstorm hit.
I know Spring is poised and ready to make her appearance. I know how magnificent that warm sun feels on my face and I rejoice when our evergreen bush mysteriously blooms every year:
This cold, harsh seemingly never ending winter seems to parallel our recovery from the Boston Marathon bombings. We are poised and ready to move on; to move beyond the harsh reality of the events of 4/15/13 and know with hope and faith that Spring always comes again.
There are some days when the sadness, the nausea and all of the physical manifestations of having experienced the bombings seem that they will never end. And just as there are unexpected moments of being swept away by the emotions from that day (and for me a long history of surviving trauma), there are moments of joy, gratitude, love, excitement, exhilaration, light and a deep appreciation for being able to see all there is to embrace in this life of ours.
April is right around the corner. My friend Tina posted this video from 4/29/13 on Facebook this morning:
"And this time next year on the 3rd Monday in April, the world will return to this great American city....to this state of Grace."
I was dreading the arrival of two weeks from Tuesday, 4/15/14 and realized that I was struggling against allowing myself to just feel. And the thing about feelings is that once you try to fend off any feelings, all feelings end up suppressed. I was fighting the tears. I was fighting the depression I felt fearing its weight would crush me yet once I gave into those feelings and allowed myself to go to bed at 7:30pm last night and stay in bed until around 9 this morning, I feel a sense of renewal. Feelings of strength, resilience, courage, yes anger is in there too, and the power of the Spirit to not only survive but thrive rise!
I did not know how I was going to spend the anniversary of 4/15 but the Universe had orchestrated the day for me back in November when I experienced a "Coincidence" after Aquatics Therapy class.
Suzanne Corkin, Ph.D. and I were trying to find a time to get together for me to share my healing odyssey with her. In yesterday's email, she proposed Tuesday 4/15. I hesitated not sure for a moment if that was a good choice for me and then I felt Spirit leap within me letting me know that it is a perfect way to spend the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings. I'll be sharing my message of healing, hope and possibility and how despite all the odds stacked against me as a result of paralytic polio, trauma and the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I held onto hope and had faith that I would be able to find healing in my life whatever the actual physical outcome of that healing might be.
And as we prepare as individuals and as a City for the anniversary and then the running of the 118th Boston Marathon, my fervent prayer is that we are all able to live in a state of grace.
My memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" is now available on Amazon.