Epiphanies

I will admit to you that yesterday was a really rough day for me. I had been awakened early two mornings by our beloved cat and had also been awakened in the middle of the night by same so I was a little sleep deprived which can account for low energy. I observed part of me feeling victimized by different circumstances and other people's behavior while a part of me forged ahead with redesigning my website (check it out - www.newworldgreetings.com - it's awesome) and closing out the books from my business last year and prepping for today's 16 mile run. It's strange living in two universes and I will tell you - I love living in the Spirit and emerging from feeling the weight of ego and human experience. I love the feeling of knowing down to my toes that I am on the right path and that God is providing me with every single thing I need to succeed - in the realms of my business, my book, my health and fund raising for Spaulding Rehab by running the Boston Marathon with my husband and daughter. Moving forward in joy and confidence and strength also means shedding my old identity - social worker who tried to fix everyone, victim who felt hurt and ostracized, and life basically being a struggle. God spoke to me this morning and asked me how much longer I was going to serve penance by feeling that I still have to hold onto the role of social work and be available to take care of others--please know that this is very different from giving out of love and joy because I feel overflowing with love in the Spirit. One is a burden and one is freedom.

Here are the epiphanies which I share with you - perhaps it will spark something within you to find your own ephiphanies.

I get to choose with whom and how I want to spend my time. I can be loving and respectful to all but I can and must set limits if I am to fulfill my highest purpose and pursue my path with passion. And I can do this guilt-free. I realized that I was carrying the burden of my dad's suicide and holding back from fully moving forward in joy and celebration of my Being. Feelings of unworthiness were fueled by so many circumstances - there is no blame here for I get to choose how I am going to respond to life's circumstances and so I choose freedom and I choose to feel my incredible preciousness because I (like you) am a complete child of God.

My gift is poetry and this gift helps me to heal, helps others to find healing and joy in God's words expressed through me and I can create poetry which can help others express the love that is in their heart. My website had been focused on the fact that see, I am a good person; I donate 20% of the proceeds of the sale of my book to Spaulding Rehab and I am going to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding oh and I also write poetry. Well, I decided to shift the focus and feel the power within of my gift. This shift in energy is going to help draw customers to me. I have many new visitors on my website and it is now time to convert those visitors to sales and hence - a redesigned website.

I have been focusing on the fact that I am victorious over polio and post polio syndrome and look at what I can now do - well during our 16 mile run today, I had the epiphany that - I have worked my butt off to overcome polio and post polio syndrome and many crises in my life - but I also want to remember and honor these crises - especially post polio syndrome. It was freezing outside today with the wind chill; when it was calm and sunny it was deliciously warm in comparison to the stiff wind gusts of up to 35 mph. One of the major hallmarks of post polio syndrome is intolerance to cold/cold sensitivity and as a result of polio, my body has a difficult time regulating its thermostat. And so, I never got to be outside and enjoy the splendors of a winter's day. I dug deep and joined with God to feel a courage I have not known before - to run outside when there were remnants of snow and slush (the path had been heavily sanded so I knew we would have a safe run) and to be outside on a cold January day.

Today, on our run, as I blocked out the incredible pain caused in my limbs by the cold, I noticed these amazing ice formations on the bottom of bent tree branches (yes, there is a poem percolating here) as they met the top of the water on Jamaica Pond. I saw how the snow hugged the beautiful rock wall on my left. I saw some ducks swimming where there was no ice and I saw ducks skating across the pond. There was a leaf in the middle of the pond that skated along the ice pushed by the wind until it landed in the water. The snow was so white and clean and glistened with God's love and I felt God's overwhelming love for me as I decided, during the last two miles, to power walk. I was actually able to keep the pace with my husband, Tom (our daughter took off and did an amazing run of a 15 minute mile) during the last two miles of our run and I felt so blessed to be able to honor my body's limitations. I would not quit because that's not in me (although how I yearned for a hot bath - I did have a great visualization technique - I felt God pouring hot cocoa into my legs during the run) but I had to find a way to keep going. I felt incredible relief once I used power walking which enabled me to take long, stretching strides, use my arms to pump me along and took the stress off of my knees as we finished up our run. Several weeks ago, when the weather was exactly the same, we had decided to go to the indoors track at BU. But look at how far we have come - we decided to brave the cold and the wind and to know that God would be at our backs. I also used a technique taught to me by Janice Wesley, my beloved energy healer and I asked the wind to change direction. There were times when it worked and we suddenly felt the wind at our backs. I also gave thanks to God for the cold, icy wind because when we run the Marathon, it is going to seem so much easier after the grueling training run of today. I also still have my head tremor and I rejoice and celebrate that I am still perfection and I need not try to hide or downplay this. After all, Katharine Hepburn had an amazing tremor and look at what a classy broad she was! {I did put in my order for warmer temperatures now - and I just checked the forecast-Monday temps are going into the mid-40's and on Tuesday it is going to be in the mid-30's when we have a training session with our beloved trainer Janine Hightower.}

I have an exciting week ahead - on Tuesday, I have been invited to be a guest on Planetary Spirit radio (http://www.planetary-spirit.com/) and on January 12th, I will be a guest with my trainer, Janine on It's All About You on blog talk radio (www.blogtalkradio.com/itsallaboutyou). Next Sunday I get to meet some incredible folks I have met on Twitter right around the corner from where I live at Lisa Johnson's Modern Pilates Studio. And it's time to start planning for our 3/14 Benefit Concert - an evening of a capella music featuring Ball In The House. Wow - isn't God amazing! I am overflowing with love and gratitude as this flower of God opens and blooms and I turn my face towards God's radiant sunshine.

God bless you all and here's to a new year graced with epiphanies!