Sunday, January 11, 2009

Seventeen Miles or 119 Times Around the Track: A Time for Reflection

What an amazing journey! This past week I trained outside in cold and wind, snow and ice but yesterday, it was 5 degrees with the wind chill - no reason to try to brave those elements for a 17 mile run and so off we went to the BU Fit/Rec Center. I had recently done 4.65 miles with speed intervals during the week before and so, our pace was slower than usual as we ran for 17 miles. But you know what? That's not important. We ran exactly as we needed to run and it is crucial that we not burn out before race days. The little polio part of myself is feeling, 'I'm not fast enough' - well you know what? That is a belief that no longer serves me - I am showin' up and I am participating in this amazing journey and can not be a slave to a chronometer. I am running my own race, surrounded by incredible love and support from God, my daughter, my husband and my son. Each training run is an opportunity to learn more about myself, mind body and spirit; every race where I finish 'last' reminds me to celebrate my amazing courage, faith, determination and to let go of arbitrary measures of success.

I hear God's Voice speak to me - God is telling me to do more stretching exercises and to return to some of the exercises Janine had showed me to work on the muscles which are uber sore.God is telling me to love myself and honor myself as I recover from a long training run. God is telling me that She called me to run the Boston Marathon and together we can do this. During yesterday's run, I learned so much about myself - well there certainly is enough time for reflection with no distractions of the computer, phones, text messages, etc. I got in touch with the feelings of what it is like to feel powerless in my body and this is juxtaposed with the strength and power I felt during my last energy healing session.

Strength and power had been taken from me when I collapsed on the gym floor on 6/3/1959 when paralytic polio overtook my body. Strength and power had been taken from me when I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December of 2006. Strength and power had been taken from me during many painful incidents throughout my childhood but in reality, the strength and power of God was always with me deep in my soul.

I was terrified to feel my own power; I thought that if I were physically powerful that I would want revenge. I thought that the anger would consume me and destroy me. I discovered that the most powerful feelings one can experience is the power of forgiveness and the power of God's great Love. So many great teachers talk about this - Nelson Mandela, Victor Frankl, Jesus just to name a few. To feel power is to feel the power of love and forgiveness from God. The power of Love washed through me during our training run yesterday much like dialysis to remove the toxins of anger, shame, fear, doubt and feeling less than because....

God's Love is the most powerful source of purification and it is a blessing to be able to feel this Love. Ironically enough, I feel this Love while my body is pounding the track and perhaps it is the two together - the rhythm of running and the connection to God that helps me to feel whole again. Interestingly enough, I typed whole again and my first thought was, I never felt whole - but of course, I was/am always whole. I just forgot because I was buffeted by life's winds and by people who did not know how to love. It is time to forgive them for truly, they knew not what they did and for me to create new feelings, new memories on every level and to open wide to all that life has to offer.

I am so blessed and I am so grateful. I know that God is with me every moment of every day and it is so important to take time out away from Twitter, and email and gmail and texting and building and creating to feel God's love deep in my soul. To know and to remember that no matter what happens 'out there' that inside I am pure and whole and loved and perfect. I said 'Yes' to God in February of 2008 and every moment of every day, God says 'Yes" right back!

1 comment:

Tiffany Stuart said...

Another great heartfelt post!! Thankful you've said yes to God and to running the race.