I looked through my blog posts from 2009 as I was counting down the days to running Boston. I can feel the excitement throughout social media land and in real life with my runner friends as everyone counts down to this year's Boston Marathon: 32 days now.
The range of emotions that anyone experiences leading up to Boston is amplified in the wake of last year's bombings. The themes I noticed from five years ago were that I just wanted the day to arrive. I was mindful about really listening to my body because the last thing I wanted was an injury or to get sick. Even before taper time, there was a restlessness I was feeling throughout my body and in my heart.
Here is an excerpt from my 33 Days and Counting: The Waning Days of Training blog:
They say the final stretch of anything can often be the hardest to get through - I can attest to that! On Saturday night we were so incredibly blessed to have a marvelous turn out for our benefit concert. We are so close to our fund raising goal - only $332.80 left and we know people are sending in donations. We are certain that we will exceed our fund raising goal of $9,000. The concert was magical and we are so grateful to everyone who made it a success. As I look back on what we have accomplished in the past year - going from running 30 seconds to running 20 miles; hosting two benefit concerts; running several road races and meeting incredible people along the way I know it is a result of incredible faith, courage, determination and overwhelming love and support from so many sources - the most incredible Source of all being our Loving Creator.
Today, my daughter and I went out and ran 3 times around the reservoir - about a 3 mile run and we ran it in 38 minutes. That's about a 13 minute mile pace. I did not want to run today but once I got out there something happened and I knew we had to give it our all.They say that in the waning days of training, it is a time of great challenge - you just want the starting gun to go off! This is a journey of the mind as well as the body and my mind can take me to magical places as well as the memories of how polio affected my life. I know that I am going to finish what I set out to do - to raise money for Spaulding Rehab and to cross the finish line of the 113th Boston Marathon. Along the way, the fears, doubts and feelings of being a polio survivor have emerged. I am, thanks be to God, able to place these feelings where they belong rather than project them onto the fear of the future or if they begin to creep in, can realize their source.
It was indeed, a very sad day, when I collapsed in the gym and my life was interrupted and changed forever by the polio virus but I learned life's lessons of overcoming challenges at a very early age and discovering that God is with me to guide my footsteps and give me the strength that I need to carry on. And then, in December 2006, my life once again was interrupted - this time by post polio syndrome and life since then has never been the same. It has been phenomenal - overflowing with blessings, triumphs, tribulations, trepdiations, and more growth than I ever dreamed was imaginable in one lifetime.
This time in thirty three days as the sun moves lower in the sky, we will have crossed the finish line of the 113th running of the Boston Marathon and I give thanks to God for this amazing journey.
And five days later, I wrote this poem:
Ode to Marathon Training - March 22, 2009
Blisters, black toes, aches and pains
A change in my routine
Long training runs, the hills, the sprints
Keep running clothes fresh and clean.
Carbo load and plan each meal
Power gels and gatorade
No matter what the weather
No time to be afraid.
Humid – hot or freezing cold
Snow against the face
Wind or sun or raining
Those running shoes I must lace.
What mile is this how long we been out
Check heart rate drink H20
Meltdowns joys and triumphs
Only a few more weeks to go.
Heartbreak Hill won't break my heart
This year has been the best
Found myself and made new friends
I feel incredibly blessed.
As a way to manage my restlessness this year, I am volunteering at the 3/29th water stop for the last long training run of Spaulding's Race for Rehab Team.
It seems like only yesterday we were at 100 days until Boston. It will be here before we know it and as the sun sets on 4/21/14, and the city has run again, we will know, unequivocally that we ARE Boston Strong.
Showing posts with label overcoming paralytic polio and trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming paralytic polio and trauma. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Fiery Determination
I sent out an email blast about the release of my memoir, "Coming Home: A Message of Healing, Hope and Possibility."
After she sent me an email of congratulations, I said to Diana Cullum-Duggan that while I did not mention her per se in my memoir, she was certainly an important part of my healing journey. She offered yoga at no charge pre and post marathon to the members of the 2009 Boston Marathon team. She said:
Didn't expect to be mentioned, Mary. I was a blip on the radar of health for you. You found a team of practitioners that have helped you, along with your fiery determination to heal.
Well Diana was more than a blip on the radar as she gave her time and treasure to support us on our road to the Boston Marathon through yoga and meditation and in post run recovery.
But she said something very important to me in that she acknowledged my fiery determination.
Last week we met with Dr. Chris Carter, the team psychologist for Spaulding's Race for Rehab team to talk about Looking Back and Looking Ahead as we approach the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings and get ready for the 2014 Boston Marathon.
He and others who were in attendance who worked with the survivors at Spaulding spoke to how inspired they were by the determination, strength and courage of the survivors. Here is a link to a CBS interview with Dr. Carter: Experts think that anniversary of Boston Marathon could come with anxiety for some...
In the article and at last week's meeting, Dr. Carter talked about the importance of community for healing.
When I was growing up, I was completely isolated and ostracized; a combination of growing up in a home rife with chemical dependency and violence and the results of contracting paralytic polio at age 5. I cut myself off from myself, dissociating from my body and from others. By the time I was 52 years old, my body had virtually shut down crying out for healing.
My first sense of community was through Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio being cared for by a multidisciplinary team of caring providers. And then I went on to become a part of the Marathon Sports family and the running community at large as I embraced the challenge of a lifetime, running the 2009 Boston Marathon.
Physically I had no business running a marathon but spiritually and emotionally fueled by the love and support of so many, I felt a fiery determination in my soul and went from polio shoes in February of 2008 to the finish line of the Boston Marathon 2009.
Two years ago, after my nephew's suicide, I experienced a relapse of post polio symptoms. I would not stop and I would not settle. In the wake of the bombings, I returned to the roads after a two year hiatus and continued to seek out paths for healing. How blessed that I could find my way to the Aquatics Therapy program where twice a week, with fiery determination, I continue to build my strength.
I have been so blessed by healing angels throughout my life and especially during my 7 year healing odyssey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome. I am especially blessed that somewhere, somehow, I kept hope alive through the most horrific events one person can experience and that my fiery determination would not let me quit even though it seemed as though I was doing so against all odds.
After she sent me an email of congratulations, I said to Diana Cullum-Duggan that while I did not mention her per se in my memoir, she was certainly an important part of my healing journey. She offered yoga at no charge pre and post marathon to the members of the 2009 Boston Marathon team. She said:
Didn't expect to be mentioned, Mary. I was a blip on the radar of health for you. You found a team of practitioners that have helped you, along with your fiery determination to heal.
Well Diana was more than a blip on the radar as she gave her time and treasure to support us on our road to the Boston Marathon through yoga and meditation and in post run recovery.
But she said something very important to me in that she acknowledged my fiery determination.
Last week we met with Dr. Chris Carter, the team psychologist for Spaulding's Race for Rehab team to talk about Looking Back and Looking Ahead as we approach the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings and get ready for the 2014 Boston Marathon.
He and others who were in attendance who worked with the survivors at Spaulding spoke to how inspired they were by the determination, strength and courage of the survivors. Here is a link to a CBS interview with Dr. Carter: Experts think that anniversary of Boston Marathon could come with anxiety for some...
In the article and at last week's meeting, Dr. Carter talked about the importance of community for healing.
When I was growing up, I was completely isolated and ostracized; a combination of growing up in a home rife with chemical dependency and violence and the results of contracting paralytic polio at age 5. I cut myself off from myself, dissociating from my body and from others. By the time I was 52 years old, my body had virtually shut down crying out for healing.
My first sense of community was through Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio being cared for by a multidisciplinary team of caring providers. And then I went on to become a part of the Marathon Sports family and the running community at large as I embraced the challenge of a lifetime, running the 2009 Boston Marathon.
Physically I had no business running a marathon but spiritually and emotionally fueled by the love and support of so many, I felt a fiery determination in my soul and went from polio shoes in February of 2008 to the finish line of the Boston Marathon 2009.
Two years ago, after my nephew's suicide, I experienced a relapse of post polio symptoms. I would not stop and I would not settle. In the wake of the bombings, I returned to the roads after a two year hiatus and continued to seek out paths for healing. How blessed that I could find my way to the Aquatics Therapy program where twice a week, with fiery determination, I continue to build my strength.
I have been so blessed by healing angels throughout my life and especially during my 7 year healing odyssey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome. I am especially blessed that somewhere, somehow, I kept hope alive through the most horrific events one person can experience and that my fiery determination would not let me quit even though it seemed as though I was doing so against all odds.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Nine Months Have Passed ....
Nine months have passed since mine and so many lives changed forever.
When I woke up this morning, my stomach was in knots and I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I thought to myself - what is up with this?
I looked at the calendar --- my body was having its very own anniversary reaction.
Nine months ago time stood still at 2:50pm when the second bomb shook the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
Today I allowed myself time to feel anxious and nervous. I allowed tears to flow. I allowed my heart to open to overwhelming gratitude that I was able to escape safely.
I allowed myself to remember the sounds and the smells of that afternoon and to feel all the horror in my heart and I allowed myself time to relish this gift of a warm day in the midst of winter.
As I walked into Spaulding Rehab Hospital for my afternoon Aquatics Therapy class with Karis, I allowed myself the space to grieve and remember, allowing the healing waters to bathe me mind, body and Spirit. I worked it all out in the pool with an intense cardio workout which incorporated strengthening upper and lower body. I gave thanks for this amazing place of healing where the bombing survivors came to find their strength.
Nine months have passed since Celeste Corcoran lost both her legs and just this week, she ran for the first time on her prosthetic legs:
Talk about BostonStrong!
Nine months have passed and 95 days to go until Boston and the world reunite for the running of the 118th Boston Marathon. I'll be back at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel bidding on Silent Auction items, eating wonderful food and cheering on the Race for Rehab team along with tracking so many of my friends who are running this year. Only unlike 9 months ago, we'll be welcoming the runners into the suite at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel with open arms celebrating and knowing that while horrific events happen, nothing is more powerful than love and the fiber and strength of the human Spirit and the Spirit of Boston!
When I woke up this morning, my stomach was in knots and I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I thought to myself - what is up with this?
I looked at the calendar --- my body was having its very own anniversary reaction.
Nine months ago time stood still at 2:50pm when the second bomb shook the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
Today I allowed myself time to feel anxious and nervous. I allowed tears to flow. I allowed my heart to open to overwhelming gratitude that I was able to escape safely.
I allowed myself to remember the sounds and the smells of that afternoon and to feel all the horror in my heart and I allowed myself time to relish this gift of a warm day in the midst of winter.
As I walked into Spaulding Rehab Hospital for my afternoon Aquatics Therapy class with Karis, I allowed myself the space to grieve and remember, allowing the healing waters to bathe me mind, body and Spirit. I worked it all out in the pool with an intense cardio workout which incorporated strengthening upper and lower body. I gave thanks for this amazing place of healing where the bombing survivors came to find their strength.
Nine months have passed since Celeste Corcoran lost both her legs and just this week, she ran for the first time on her prosthetic legs:
Talk about BostonStrong!
Nine months have passed and 95 days to go until Boston and the world reunite for the running of the 118th Boston Marathon. I'll be back at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel bidding on Silent Auction items, eating wonderful food and cheering on the Race for Rehab team along with tracking so many of my friends who are running this year. Only unlike 9 months ago, we'll be welcoming the runners into the suite at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel with open arms celebrating and knowing that while horrific events happen, nothing is more powerful than love and the fiber and strength of the human Spirit and the Spirit of Boston!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The Wind at our Back, The Sun on Our Face - A Great Start to 2014
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
I saw on Facebook that there has been a 10 year tradition of people running the Boston Marathon course from Hopkinton to Boston on New Year's Day beginning at 6 am. People can run the entire course or a portion of the course. Tom and I opted to run 3.2 miles from Marathon Sports in Washington Square to the finish line. We thought it was going to be in the teens and were prepared to embrace the cold but it was a surprising 27 degrees. We were fortunate to have the wind at our back and the sun on our face.
What joy to have runners pass us who had started in Hopkinton. It seems that whenever I am around runners, the energy is infectious and I can really move out there. According to NikePlus, I did a 14 minute/mile pace. It was perfect running conditions for me. We had a good breakfast and then got out on the course. I felt a sense of unbridled joy and deep gratitude that this was my start to the New Year.
Tom wanted to take a photo of me before our run:
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And then we took photos after we crossed the finish line in Copley Square with the Boston Marathon ice sculpture:
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Here is a beautiful ice sculpture with the lion and the lamb -- Blessed are the peacemakers:
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We warmed up at Finagle a Bagel celebrating the start of a healthy New Year filled with hope, healing and possibility for all:
A Wide Berth from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon
A wide berth for healing
rebirth
new life
new day
every sunrise a new opportunity
to paint life’s canvass.
Take it one breath at a time
let that be enough
sacred breath
spaciousness
softness
heart beats
sunbeams
lasers of love
light the way home.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Countdown to a New Year
After being in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel during the Boston Marathon bombings, life changed dramatically for me as it did for everyone whose lives were touched by the events of April 15, 2013.
The explosions opened up the portal for me to experience my own trauma history in a new way. I learned what it means to be Boston Strong.
I published a trilogy of poetry books this year inspired by my healing journey:
I bought my first pair of Vibrams
and now run in a minimalist running shoe:
I returned to the roads and to the running community where we celebrate and heal in the aftermath of 4/15/2013 running the Brookline Symphony Orchestra 5K Fun Run & Walk, my first race in 2 years:
and the Feaster Five on Thanksgiving morning:
In 2014, I will publish my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility."
I plan to run the Tufts 2014 10K and build my miles.
I will continue to heal and grow with the help of the wonderful Aquatics Therapy program at Spaulding Rehab where I began to find my strength again in 2013.
I will be putting my fund raising hat back on to support Greg Gordon and Karis Antokal's 2014 Boston Marathon run for Spaulding and plan to volunteer with the Development Office as we countdown the days to the Boston Marathon.
I will continue to share my message of healing, hope and possibility through my blog and in the way I live my life.
I am blessed and grateful for all that 2013 taught me and the place where it brought me as I begin a new decade of my life. I am excited for 2014!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Celebrating 60!
"60 is about feeling excited to be alive at a time when you're free to really live.
60 is about knowing yourself, being yourself - and truly liking who we've become.
60 is about celebrating the beginning of the most beautiful years of your life."
~Hallmark card from my husband, Tom
Seven years ago, after receiving the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I did not know what kind of shape I would be in for my 60th birthday or if I would have a 60th birthday to celebrate. The future looked grim to say the least.
It's been a phenomenal healing journey and I can say unequivocally that I feel healthier, more vibrant and enjoying life at 60 than I ever imagined would be possible.
Two years ago, I was experiencing another "relapse" of post polio syndrome. I now know that post polio syndrome was a result of the stress and strain of compensatory patterns in my body that were forged and formed from paralytic polio and trauma. As I aged, it became more and more of a challenge for my body to support the old patterns.
For my 60th birthday, I was planning to run 6.0 miles. Somehow we got lost in the calculations of the distance and I actually ran 6.94 miles according to NikePlus. Just like the candles on the cake - one for good luck!
Here are some photos Tom took before the run as I psyched myself up to run in the 19 degree weather:
Celebrating 60! Celebrating being back on the roads having run the longest distance I ran since the Tufts 10K 2010 knowing that the 60's are going to be absolutely sensational!
Learning to Dance from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon
It’s never too late
you’re never too old
to learn to dance
paralyzed from polio
paralyzed with fear
frozen in time
awkward and unsure
shame and confusion
embarrassment
I fell into the trap of ego
my leg snared in the jaws of agony and defeat
saved by grace
my rescuer nursed my wounds
tentative steps
stiff and clumsy
painstaking movement
fueled by thoughts of days gone by
the match is lit
no match for darkness
the music of my heart’s desire
moved me to try once again
step by step
the dance of my life
the way I was always meant to dance
yes wrinkles mark the passage of time
yet
I burn brightly
until my dance is done.
60 is about knowing yourself, being yourself - and truly liking who we've become.
60 is about celebrating the beginning of the most beautiful years of your life."
~Hallmark card from my husband, Tom
Seven years ago, after receiving the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I did not know what kind of shape I would be in for my 60th birthday or if I would have a 60th birthday to celebrate. The future looked grim to say the least.
It's been a phenomenal healing journey and I can say unequivocally that I feel healthier, more vibrant and enjoying life at 60 than I ever imagined would be possible.
Two years ago, I was experiencing another "relapse" of post polio syndrome. I now know that post polio syndrome was a result of the stress and strain of compensatory patterns in my body that were forged and formed from paralytic polio and trauma. As I aged, it became more and more of a challenge for my body to support the old patterns.
For my 60th birthday, I was planning to run 6.0 miles. Somehow we got lost in the calculations of the distance and I actually ran 6.94 miles according to NikePlus. Just like the candles on the cake - one for good luck!
Here are some photos Tom took before the run as I psyched myself up to run in the 19 degree weather:
Celebrating 60! Celebrating being back on the roads having run the longest distance I ran since the Tufts 10K 2010 knowing that the 60's are going to be absolutely sensational!
Learning to Dance from A Celebration of Life available on Amazon
It’s never too late
you’re never too old
to learn to dance
paralyzed from polio
paralyzed with fear
frozen in time
awkward and unsure
shame and confusion
embarrassment
I fell into the trap of ego
my leg snared in the jaws of agony and defeat
saved by grace
my rescuer nursed my wounds
tentative steps
stiff and clumsy
painstaking movement
fueled by thoughts of days gone by
the match is lit
no match for darkness
the music of my heart’s desire
moved me to try once again
step by step
the dance of my life
the way I was always meant to dance
yes wrinkles mark the passage of time
yet
I burn brightly
until my dance is done.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
"You're wicked strong...keep it up."
The temperatures plummeted here in New England. My husband Tom said, "I think it's time we go back to the BU Track to train." He was referring to when we were training for the 2009 Boston Marathon and we did "105 Times Around the Track" to get in our miles during the grueling winter of 2009.
I'm not training for any particular event. My next race is not until April 6, Run For The Troops 5K. But I love running. I love the discipline and I love being able to do cardio workouts. I love challenging myself and I love seeing what my body can now do.
I am not the only one noticing my newfound strength. As we were running around the track, there was a young personal trainer leading a small group of BU women through their paces. About 3.5 miles in, she spontaneously said to Tom and me, "You're wicked strong...keep it up!"
When they were finished with their workout, we cheered for them as we passed them winding down our 35 times around the BU track.
If you would have told me at the beginning of this year that I would be running 5 miles, I would have told you that you were out of your mind! With the way I felt, I thought that there was no way I was going to ever be able to return to running. But somewhere inside of me, I held onto hope, healing and possibility.
And when once I worked to "find my strength", I must agree with that personal trainer at BU yesterday, "I am wicked strong -- keep it up."
Moving Forward - from A Celebration of Life now available on Amazon
Tethered and tied up to what once was
decades ago
staples, sutures
scar tissue
gingerly
tenderly released
my form reappears
now training for a 5K
training mind
moving mindfully
retraining body
a surprising bounce in my step
a lightness in my heart
awesome creation
transformation
how is this possible?
A beacon of light for others
of what IS possible
once defeated
now defying the odds
trusting in this miracle
moving forward.
I'm not training for any particular event. My next race is not until April 6, Run For The Troops 5K. But I love running. I love the discipline and I love being able to do cardio workouts. I love challenging myself and I love seeing what my body can now do.
I am not the only one noticing my newfound strength. As we were running around the track, there was a young personal trainer leading a small group of BU women through their paces. About 3.5 miles in, she spontaneously said to Tom and me, "You're wicked strong...keep it up!"
When they were finished with their workout, we cheered for them as we passed them winding down our 35 times around the BU track.
If you would have told me at the beginning of this year that I would be running 5 miles, I would have told you that you were out of your mind! With the way I felt, I thought that there was no way I was going to ever be able to return to running. But somewhere inside of me, I held onto hope, healing and possibility.
And when once I worked to "find my strength", I must agree with that personal trainer at BU yesterday, "I am wicked strong -- keep it up."
Moving Forward - from A Celebration of Life now available on Amazon
Tethered and tied up to what once was
decades ago
staples, sutures
scar tissue
gingerly
tenderly released
my form reappears
now training for a 5K
training mind
moving mindfully
retraining body
a surprising bounce in my step
a lightness in my heart
awesome creation
transformation
how is this possible?
A beacon of light for others
of what IS possible
once defeated
now defying the odds
trusting in this miracle
moving forward.
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